To think coronavirus has made some people regret their life choices?

[FTMF30]

After a few conversations with people and seeing some posts on here, a lot of people are really upset about the implications CV has had on them. Eg.

• not being able to see family - because they moved hundreds of miles away from them.
• feeling cooped up/claustrophobic - because they wanted to live in a fancy city apartment rather than a cheaper place further out
• feeling angry they are getting no Government support because they are recently self employed (me or any other reason

I could write an entire list but you get the jist. My AIBU is, do you think people will make major life changes after this, e.g. move closer to family or just continue to feel sad about it but make no changes?

Personally, I felt invigorated when I became self employed and felt brave for entering new territory way out of my comfort zone, but CV has really humbled that feeling.

With the whole living away from family, my friends/family who are complaining about this are irritating me tbh. Prior to CV they would complain how it's so hard to see family, how they sometimes feel left out or how they are worrying about their elderly parents. Did they not consider these things before they decided to move hundreds of miles away? I don't suspect these people (in my circle) will be moving anytime soon so why continue to complain? AIBU in that respect?

do you think people will make major life changes after this

some will, some won't. Some can, some can't.

If you're asking will British people continue to indulge in moaning... er yes, how long have you lived in this country?

I don't really regret my choices. The thing I've struggled the most with is not being able to give my children a normal life. They are five and two, so are at an age where they can't understand exactly what's going on. The five year old has a small idea. But I feel like the list is so long of what they have had removed.

Swimming lessons.
School.
Seeing friends.
Seeing family.
Trips to the park.
Walks to the shops.
A cancelled holiday.
Easter was crap. Less eggs and wasn't able to do a hunt. No roast dinner because people were being greedy and shopping was impossible. Couldn't go visit family. No days out.

I've taken my child to a field today to see her best friend. Because I couldn't bare to see her so fed up any longer. She was doing amazing until last week. Now I can see she is really struggling with loneliness and boredom. I do my best to keep her days busy. But tbh the novelty has worn off of most things now. We've had a million picnics in the garden. We've rode her back on every route we can think of. We've had fun baths with extra bubbles and swim costume on. We've had painting and playdoh days. We've watched films.

She actually wants to go to a garden center. I hate not being able to allow her to do something so simple like look at fish and plants and eat cake in the cafe.

Anyways I've rambled abit. I just hope it gets better soon.

acknowledgement of the importance of jobs like nursing/social care

Oh I think everyone acknowledges those jobs are important - doesn't mean people want to do them though.

Rode her bike ooooops

I don't regret my life choices because I can't do the things I want to do right now but I'm not going to change them on the off chance it may happen again.

No, it hasn’t -not for me. The only regret I have is not having previously made the most of walking and cycling in London and the lovely local parks. Perversely has taken pandemic to make me value, appreciate and use these

I live in a fancy city center apartment with no outdoor space, 1000s of miles away from family. No regrets. I'm rather be here and a bit squashed than in my parents suburb so boring you'd saw off your own leg just for something to do .

some people will be thinking actually I really liked the way my life was before covid can't wait to go back, others will be thinking actually I prefer working from home and not standing in rain waiting for 7.34am train, I wouldn't mind going to office once or twice a week but I really don't need to be squeezed standing room only to go to a different room to do what I do now, others will think I really hate working from home I want to be back in the office, others will think I can work from home but I can;t do childcare and schooling too
some people may decide because I want to work from home long term I need a different layout in my home an office or at least a reception room that is not a kitchen diner living play room

some might think we need to re balance a bit its rubbish the kids having no activities and not being at school but do we really want to go back to something on every evening and tag teaming at weekends between housework and activities maybe we should re adjust and have an evening and one weekend day when nobody has anything on

others might think this lockdown was awful in a small flat maybe I want to move somewhere with a garden, others might think I really need to save more money make sure I have a rainy day fund because there might not be furlough next time

We are thinking of reducing to one car
Looking at moving before lockdown and now value outside space and being near a park, shop, coffee shop etc.
Have moved more of my work online.
My dh probably will only go into the office a few times a week.
Lots of things.

@AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter at the risk of being called a “Dementor” by the frothy anti coronavirus lot, a little prep in your cupboard mightn’t do too much harm, I feel that civil unrest, if not actual war is likely. The Spanish Flu was followed by the Great Depression which was followed by...

@NotAnotherUserNumber I'm pretty happy with my home but I look on Rightmove alot too! There's a term called 'property porn' and I definitely indulge.

Yes, I agree with you.
My neighbour is going to retire, already past the age but it is his company.
I think I am probably going to resign.
My daughter might decide to live in NZ as she is there now and should have been home for a wedding in May.
My friend is wishing she wasn't self employed.
A near neighbour was made redundant just beforehand and is crafting like mad. I told her she should sell them. so maybe a new career for her.
I have enjoyed painting and wondering if I could have a third career. It is much less stressful than my own job.

So yes I think lots of people will re-examine their own lives.

The tone of the OP is a little bit satisfied at people who wanted to spread their wings (move away from family, live in a 'fancy city apartment') having been (presumably) brought down with a bump. Including yourself in people 'humbled' out of their ambitions (that's another thing - as if starting your own business is somehow stepping out of line) doesn't take away that tone, really. The whole post's a little bit tall poppy.

I've definitely taken for granted earning money. Last yr I managed to get that promotion and finally be in a position where I could still afford holiday(s) and start to save rainy day money. This situation has highlighted that perhaps for another yr I will tighten back on spending money to build that rainy money quicker and higher so I have financial security of at least 8 months of salary to fall back on.

I'd also restart overpaying my mortgage again too even if it's just £50 a month.

Only other change will be that I didnt cycle to work as I am surrounded by huge hills but I have managed to find a non hilly route so if I do go back I will cycle instead.

Not me. I have at times regretted life choices but can't say the pandemic has had any effect in that regard.

I'm OK. It's easy for me though because I'm retired and on my own. If I shared my place with someone/some people, and was worried about income it would be a different matter. There's no 'I'm alright Jack', from me, I'm well aware of the difficulties others face but obviously relieved this didn't happen at an earlier time for me.

The tone of the OP is a little bit satisfied at people who wanted to spread their wings (move shock away from shock family, live in a 'fancy city apartment')

Or who've had to move away from where they were born due to low or no employment opportunities and high house prices. And that cheaper place farther out with its high commuting costs and meaning less time to spend with your own kids, what a win-win.

Sneery and judgemental. Plenty of people's life choices are the result of having to earn a living, not a bloody jolly.

I'm getting tall poppy from it too, @CatteStreet. Also I don't understand a couple of posts on here implying that it's unreasonable to 'moan' about aspects of your life that make lockdown more difficult for you just because you've chosen them. I mean, yeah maybe if you saw the rona coming at you and thought "I will now move into a tiny apartment 500 miles from my family and have two children in quick succession so they're two and three when it hits" it's a bit rich to whinge about it, but given that none of us did, it's ok to point out that that there are some aspects of how you've structured your life that were previously non problematic but now are due to a change in circumstance that no one knew was on the cards.

Meh, my parents, specifically my mum, was the sort to just turn up on your doorstep randomly, I don't miss that. If I wanted to live near family, I'd have to split myself in three. I live in a flat (not a fancy apartment) but live near a beautiful park which is nice for daily exercise and I will appreciate it all the more and living near to our city centre, yet also within a 5 min drive of a sprawling country park, when it all opens up properly again.

@CatteStreet How can I come across as being satisfied at people bring 'brought down with a bump when I am one of those people?? I've not said anything was wrong with having ambition. In fact it's great and that's why I chose to be self employed.

Once again, the debate is about regret of life choices, not who has made a better choice in life. As some people here have attested to, living in the city centre can be a great thing.

I also didn't make out that moving away from family was a bad thing. You read into that yourselves. The main point I made about that was moaning about living far away IF you chose to.

I think some people are reading this with high emotion and responding in such a way to. Perhaps, you read the word 'fancy'and assumed I was mocking. I was not. Most city centre apartments are fancy imo.

It's done the opposite for me tbh. I'm so relieved that we moved to a rural area 5 years ago and feel very lucky that dh (main earner) is in a job where he's still being fully paid.

not being able to see family - because they moved hundreds of miles away from them

But people haven't been able to see family even if they live close. If anything, lockdown has made less difference to people (like me) who luce far away from family, because we don't see them often in normal circumstances.

I think you're being a bit ridiculous OP - people making these life choices did so with the expectation their lives would carry on more or less as usual - the current circumstances aren't just a little bit unusual, or even a short one-off event like a serious accident or a freak weather event - it's completely unprecedented in the last century!

so they were prepared to live further away from their families - with the understanding that they would still be allowed and able to travel to see them any time they wished, public transport would be available, and there would be limitless opportunties for food and loo breaks. Even living 100 miles away is less than 2 hours by motorway so very doable even for families with small children or looking after an elderly relative it could easily be done once a week in normal circumstances so of course people now are getting upset at not seeing family for more than two months!

similarly they made the choice to go for a smaller flat with the knowledge that it was closer to their work and conveniences and whenever they needed exercise the local park was nearby, or they could wander to the shops, or jump on a bus, or go for a drive literally anywhere else.....who could have predicted that one day the park/shops/etc would be locked and they'd be limited to spending one exercise period outside per day?

even people who only buy enough food for a day or two - yes you could argue they were a bit unprepared for emergencies but they could have lived their entire life never being further than a few minutes away from fully stocked shops open 24/7.

faux smugly wondering why people didn't factor in covid-19 to their life choices is like blaming people in Birmingham for not being prepared for a Tsunami! Yes it's always good to be prepared for some emergency type situation (e.g. try and keep some savings, have a torch handy if your electric goes out for a few hours, etc.) but if you lived your life always pondering every possible eventuality you'd never be able to make any decisions ever!

Yep, I wish I had never left Dubai

Good lord, some people are touchy!

The OP asked out of interest if anyone else, like her, regretted any of their life choices due to what's happened during the pandemic. She didn't say they should have known not to make those choices. Surely it's pretty understandable to reflect on your life choices (both good and bad) in a situation like this?

OP I'm laughing. How can you say people have misunderstood you and "I'm not criticising anyone for any of their life choices," when in your first post you said:

"With the whole living away from family, my friends/family who are complaining about this are irritating me tbh...Did they not consider these things before they decided to move hundreds of miles away?"

So I, and other posters, have pointed out that, with the family example yes they probably did realise, unless they are completely imbecilic, that living a hundred miles away probably would make it harder to see family than if they lived in the same village. What they could not possibly have been expected to foreseen that there would be a situation where it became not just harder to see them, but a) physically impossible and b) illegal.

Might people change their behaviour because of covid? Possibly - but then again people could think 'Right I'm able to to do my job from home so I'm going to move back to the countryside because in the last disaster I missed my family and being able to exercise outside." Then the next disaster could be some sort of cyber-attack that resulted in people (for example) having to physically go into work to get their computers reset, so those living miles away would be at a disadvantage. Or understandably the govt would concentrate on getting internet (and everything linked to it such as supply chains) back up and running in highest population areas first, so again those in the country would have been better off back in the cities.

Or people move from the city to the seaside so if something similar to covid hits again they will at least be able to go on lovely nice walks. Except then they are hit by flooding due to sea levels rising while their old city is unaffected.

Or, or....a million other examples that are impossible to predict and therefore base all your future life choices on.

It would seem incredibly depressing to make your life choices based on the potential for a pandemic to strike

It would, but I think we accidentally (and very fortunately) made some choices that made life easier for us. We have a small but detached house with a garden, easy access shops on foot and easy access to paths and trails for walks and runs.

We also get on reasonably well and haven't shouted at each other too much

And we were lucky with a couple of laptop purchases - ds had asked for a laptop for Christmas so he got a chromebook which has been a godsend for his online lessons, and we had to upgrade a Windows 7 laptop when Microsoft stopped supporting it, which meant dh had an up to date laptop (with a 17 inch screen) to work on at home.

I am 3 hours from my mum, which isn't great. Now I could see her if we lived closer but for the first 7 weeks or so I could only have waved through a window anyway.

Maybe remote working will open up more job opportunities to those living outside the south east of England and people will be able to live closer to their parents and not have to move away for jobs so much.