To think coronavirus has made some people regret their life choices?

[FTMF30]

After a few conversations with people and seeing some posts on here, a lot of people are really upset about the implications CV has had on them. Eg.

• not being able to see family - because they moved hundreds of miles away from them.
• feeling cooped up/claustrophobic - because they wanted to live in a fancy city apartment rather than a cheaper place further out
• feeling angry they are getting no Government support because they are recently self employed (me or any other reason

I could write an entire list but you get the jist. My AIBU is, do you think people will make major life changes after this, e.g. move closer to family or just continue to feel sad about it but make no changes?

Personally, I felt invigorated when I became self employed and felt brave for entering new territory way out of my comfort zone, but CV has really humbled that feeling.

With the whole living away from family, my friends/family who are complaining about this are irritating me tbh. Prior to CV they would complain how it's so hard to see family, how they sometimes feel left out or how they are worrying about their elderly parents. Did they not consider these things before they decided to move hundreds of miles away? I don't suspect these people (in my circle) will be moving anytime soon so why continue to complain? AIBU in that respect?

I live outside the UK and I’m not able to visit family as planned at the moment. Where my family live is a tiny, remote place and not somewhere I would really care to live whatever the circumstances. I’m glad of the apartment we have which has outdoor space and is close to lots of walking paths as well as in easy reach of shops, and even though furloughed I’m glad to have some income, because self-employed DP has nothing.

Moving hundreds of miles away has actually been quite useful - we are used to communicating by phone/text/email - I’m not missing “popping in for a cuppa”, I’m not reliant on my MIL to save my bacon for childcare with tiny babies and toddlers, we’ve had to work out being an isolated family unit a long time ago. We know it’s bloody horrible but we had the good fortune (if you can call it that, it certainly didn’t feel like that at the time) to not have to do it in a pandemic, that’s all.

I hope there will be a lot more understanding for single parents that can’t make working outside the home work now too - I could never wrap my head round how single parents could do it without tonnes of family or bought in support.

I am thinking about the state of my marriage (and not in a good way).

We live in a nice city centre apartment and I have to admit I've grumbled about the lack of space during lockdown (3 adults and a toddler in a 2 bed flat with no garden). But I don't think I'd want to change my lifestyle when it comes to moving to our next property. We already had vague plans to move before all this happened, and we do need a larger place, and some outside space would be nice, but we won't leave central London. I actually think I've been able to feel less claustrophobic because there have been so many nice places we've been able to go on walks - big parks as well as the riverside walks and spacious city squares and pretty garden squares. We've done interesting historical, public art and architecture walks too, so even though everything is shut, we're still getting the cultural advantages of city centre life. I would have felt more bored and cooped up if we only went out to the garden and the same old park every day.

We do live very close to family and that's been helpful for dropping off/receiving food/supplies. But that's as far as we've got to seeing them in person - very briefly, so it hasn' t made that much difference in how much we'd see them. It's always been important for me though not to live too far from family, and in the past they've been invaluable for childcare backup.

Yanbu at all op i have no idea why people are getting so offended and arsey. I think its a relevant question as i too see loads of people complaining and blaming everyone else for the choices they made. I personally only regret not buying a car before lockdown as everyone told me not to rush and now one would be very handy but thats neither here nor there. Ive lived all over the place have no real roots and am used to living away from family all the time whereas i now live in dps home town as he wouldnt cope too far away from them. I think my upbringing means i just go with the flow and will set up home anywhere and cope without people for long periods of time. Mostly i just regret not having a good job or decent savings at this point in my life but im trying to stay really positive and just try to weather the storm.

I wonder how many people regret being with their current other half. I heard 'corona divorce' is a very real thing.

Also, with an upcoming recession I think many regret now that they spent money on fancy stuff instead of saving their pennies for a rainy day.

I don't regret any of the choices you describe. I live hundreds of miles away from my family but it makes no difference under current conditions. My parents are both shielding so it wouldn't matter if I lived on the moon. I actually see them more now than I did before Covid via zoom. I love my city apartment and actually this has made me realise I don't necessarily need more space. I also don't regret my job choices. I am thankful for my healthy family and economic stability and awake that I'm very, very lucky in life. So no I won't be making any changes.

Sort of opposite for me - we were just about to buy a house before lockdown but it's frozen. I'm glad we still have our deposit as savings, and that we didn't buy an overpriced shoebox. Hopefully we might get a better property if the mystical house price crash ever happens.

I find it ironic I left the pharma industry to work in travel, and am now furloughed whereas pharma is booming, but pharma was really boring so I don't really regret that at all.

I agree, the martyrdom gets on my nerves. And all his hooha about not getting to see your family, surely people who live far from their families can go months without seeing them? In normal times

I am also REALLY thankful I met my husband before all this and have him here. I'd really struggle on my own or with annoying loud housemates.

@Macncheeseballs yeah I normally see mine every 2-3 months so it's not really any different. The things I miss most is.....crowds, funnily enough. A crowded tube, Oxford Street on Saturday, people watching at Kings Cross. I don't even live in London but really miss not being able to go in for a day.

"Re living away from family it’s a bit ridiculous as they couldn’t see them anyway even if they lived close. We are in Scotland and live 10 miles from one set of the in laws. "

Yes, but if you lived in the same village you could go an talk to them from the roadside.

@LouiseTrees for people living in different countries it could be a long time before they’re free to see them again due to difficulties securing flights, increase in prices, travel bans and quarantines. We’re in that boat. Seriously considering moving back to my home country so I don’t end up separated from my family indefinitely.

Beijing - Plenty of crowds st the seaside!

Regret, no, but that's because I'm hoping this will end one day.
I definitely think it's better to be in the countryside during lockdown.
I don't agree with the poster who mentioned walks in the park in the city centre. Keeping 2m away from people at all times is just impossible where I live. I can try to do it, but others don't. I'd be safer walking the fields than city centre parks.
As for shops, as a city person with no car I have to go twice a week whereas a country person with a car could go less often and not come into contact with others on the way there.
When we can't enjoy the things that cities have to offer, I do think the countryside is better.
I'm not moving though.

There are upsides and downsides to all major lifestyle choices. People will moan about the downsides. That's human nature: it's what we do.

Re. CoronaDivorce: the enforced isolation seems to be going one of two ways. Either it really makes you appreciate what you have and brings you even closer, or it brings marriage problems to a head and makes people determined that they don't want to live this way anymore.

It's made me appreciate how very lucky I am. I've read some sad, sad threads on this forum. There are people trapped by lockdown in some horrible situations from which they can't escape, night or day. And not to come from a smug, 'TF it's not me' perspective, I've been in that situation, and the first time was at the hands of my abusive father. I know what it's like to feel there's no getting away from it. Sending support and empathy to anyone who's found themselves in that unenviable situation.

The PP who missed London, isn't it funny how different people are? I always love my conferences, the majority of which are held there, but I'll quite enjoy a summer off from charging up and down on the (overpriced) train to the smoke!

I'm seriously regretting only having the one dining table when we've got space in the kitchen for another one.

We used to have a toddler table and chairs in the kitchen with chalk board and other big toys. When they went, we just decided we liked having a kitchen it was easy to walk round and space, rather than buying a small table and chairs to go in there, and as our dining room was off the kitchen, seemed pointless.

On the days its nice enough to eat outside, it's fine. But I'm sick of having to eat lunch with 3 laptops, various sheets, books and pencils/pens all shoved to one side of the same table.

I am very jealous of a friend who has a formal dining room thats currently the school room/home office and then a kitchen table that's for meals.

But other than that, I have a nice home, live in a nice area, have picked a lovely DH so is nice to be in lockdown with him. No serious regrets.

"And all his hooha about not getting to see your family, surely people who live far from their families can go months without seeing them? In normal times"

Yes, but I suppose the ones complaining are the ones who don't live far away, but don't live walking distance away either.

I wouldn’t say I regret my life choices but yes right now the combination of lockdown / choices I have made are having a big impact . However I wouldn’t change anything because this will end at some point and will be a tiny percentage of my life that I had to be stressed/ miserable and hopefully Things will pick back up

I can only say that having all my family around me with grand children has turned out to be a blessing at this time. Even if you cannot be together physically, shopping for each other, having a moan, has made life easier. 10 years ago one was in Bermuda, the other in the middle east. That would have been so much harder at this time. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

Not seeing your family for months is very different when you have plans to see each other in the diary.

Actually it has made me wonder whether some people will look out onto their driveways at their large expensive cars and wonder whether it is money well spent.

Given that without our car we'd have to shop within walking distance which would increase the cost, increase the number of trips out and massively reduce the choice of food I'm glad we have our car for click & collects. We've also been able to take food to my DPs, which we wouldn't have been able to do otherwise.

Also DH will need it again when he's back in work.

(Not that it's massive or massively expensive by other people's standards, though it is bordering on both of those for us!)

My main regret is that I never prepped for Brexit and therefore wasn't prepared for this either. Location, garden size and so on has been fine, but I will be keeping some extra tins and other long life food in my cupboards after this.

I live in a London 2 bed flat which has a communal garden. Definitely would not be moving out of London after this. I am planning to have a baby after the crisis and many childcare providers would be decimated so I would probably have to beg my MIL (who has always worked from her house in London) for backup childcare. Impossible to do that if I don't live near her, which I do now. Also as the crisis has shown, wfh is not fun with kids and having childcare is important.

Also being in London means a wider variety of shops so it's easy to get nice food

We overlooked a place with a proper garden in view of more inside space (given we have a community garden on our doorstep and live near grandparents who have a big garden and allow us to use this whenever we want - neither of which have been any use at all in freaking lockdown!!!). * I appreciate we are lucky to have some outdoor space at all and feel greedy saying I wish it was more!

We do need to move at some point and yes a decent garden will feature very high on the wish list.

Even if it has- noone could have predicted this- prior to December 2019 noone had heard of this. Noone makes plans with the thought of a global pandemic at the back of their minds, just like I dont make plans with the idea that WW3 might start soon.

I think or at least I HOPE a good thing to come out of this will be the acknowledgement of the importance of jobs like nursing/social care and a realisation that instagram influencers and internet celebs are just a load of shallow and vacuous BS. If anything good can come out if this, I hope its the recognition of whats really important in life and that what we previously valued in society was really messed up.