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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do I say something? I don't think neighbour should be driving.

95 replies

99ProblemsPlus1 · 21/05/2020 19:36

Elderly neighbour is in their 80s.

Their driving has become quite erratic recently and for the past couple of months they have been parking on our road with half the car on the pavement and half sticking out in the road and also hitting others cars when parking.

Just today I pulled up and was sat in my car about to get out as they pulled into the space behind me and hit my car as they were parking. They didn't notice and I had to ask them if they could move back as their bumper was touching the back of my car (and had jolted me slightly forward). Fortunately there is no damage but this has happened a few times now and to a few other cars on the street, DHs being one of them a couple of weeks ago.

I feel bad, I don't like to say anything but it's getting to the point where someone's car is going to get damaged and frankly I worry about them driving on the roads from what I've seen.

What do I do?

OP posts:

lilgreen · 22/05/2020 08:13

DVla asked for details. He’d had a stroke, had dementia and would sit staring into space after a drive for an hour. He didn’t recognise neighbours and would accelerate causing smoke to billow while his foot was on the brake. One slip off that brake....

NoDavNoLav · 22/05/2020 08:13

Yes I'd report it just to avoid any potential injuries or worse

lilgreen · 22/05/2020 08:14

They asked for his name, address and reg.

Original poster

99ProblemsPlus1 · 22/05/2020 08:16

I don't know his surname or whether he's got any medical issues. I just know his first name and address. I could get his reg though as his car is always parked outside my house.

He lives alone and he seems 'okay' usually. You can have a conversation with him perfectly fine. It's just his driving and parking that I've noticed has really declined.

I'll try and fill out that form today. Can I do it anonymously?

OP posts:

Truthpact · 22/05/2020 08:18

We live rurally and she’d be totally isolated without her car so we have no choice but to turn a blind eye to it really

I'm sure you wouldn't turn a blind eye if she hit you or one of your family.

Report them op. They will hit someone eventually.

lilgreen · 22/05/2020 08:20

Registration should bring up his name.

lilgreen · 22/05/2020 08:20

Yes you can.

Besom · 22/05/2020 08:28

Cptartapp - I'm so sorry that happened to your DM.

If you live somewhere where it's obvious who his GP might be I would write to them as well as reporting to police and DVLA.

My elderly neighbour completely demolished another neighbours brick wall after pedal confusion. Gives me palpitations thinking about it.

It is a tricky area this as obviously it is a very significant thing to remove a licence and they may be asked to give it up voluntarily. Stopping them driving even after licence is given up can be harder than it sounds if there is not a family member around to enforce.

stairgates · 22/05/2020 08:43

We had an elderly neighbour doing similar, but she had clear signs of dementia, I phoned our local Drs. The worst part was that she was clearly in need of being in a care home but we think the family was more concerned about losing her home to pay for the costs of it so instead she sold her house and moved to a new house but kept pulling up back here and trying to get in to her old house and similar things.

JudyCoolibar · 22/05/2020 08:45

I'll try and fill out that form today.

It'll go nowhere without his surname. You won't get it just by entering the Reg. number online, you have to write to the DVLA to get the name - which obviously won't help you if you want to report anonymously.

zingally · 22/05/2020 08:50

Oh, it's so, so, so difficult in this situation.

I naturally lean towards "not your problem", but at the same time, if you'd heard they'd had a nasty accident, that was their fault, you'd feel awful.

My own mum is only mid-60s, but lives very rurally. Being told she couldn't drive any more would be very difficult for her. But we've already had the conversation that the minute I think she shouldn't be doing long drives any more, I will tell her.

Truthpact · 22/05/2020 08:53

You can find out his surname by checking 192.com. Go on there, search for his address and providing he has registered to vote he should be on there. Might have to pay for it although sometimes surnames show up and not first names.

GabsAlot · 22/05/2020 11:11

@Bienentrinkwasser as far as im concerned youre as bad if something happens-why cant you give her lifts do her shopping etc

how will yu feel if she kills someone

Hingeandbracket · 22/05/2020 11:25

Good luck with getting Police to act - hopefully they will do better than they did in this case -

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-nottinghamshire-45821560

OldEvilOwl · 22/05/2020 12:47

Definitely report. You can guarantee if you don't they will crash into your car and do some real damage

GladAllOver · 22/05/2020 15:47

My brother was knocked off his bike and seriously injured by a driver in his 80's who turned across his path.
When the police came the driver gave them his licence. He said he knew he was past it and always intended to give up as soon as he had an accident. Well that was no help to my brother.

Hollyhobbi · 22/05/2020 17:52

@zingally it's not necessarily long drives that are the problem. The person who hit my sister's car was only down the road from his own house! If they aren't safe on long ones they won't be safe on short drives either.

Fuss · 22/05/2020 18:16

call your local police

My old NDN was an alcoholic, and regularly as clockwork drove to the off licence at 7pm. He couldn't drive in a straight line.
Every night I begged the police to do something before he killed someone. They did absolutely nothing bu make empty promises.

After two or three weeks of realising this was going nowhere, and endless calls to the Police, I called NDN's son, who fortunately had the sense to come over, lock the car in the garage and take the keys.

I have zero confidence reporting them to the Police will do anything sadly. DVLA is the best bet.

Trentmum · 22/05/2020 23:29

I was phoned by concerned friends and neighbours about my MIL’s driving. We gently tried to persuade her to give up her car. She resisted until ultimately we got the Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents to send a tester to take MIL out and assess her driving at a cost of about £55. Retired police officers etc doing the test. The chap who came wouldn’t get in the car with her as she couldn’t even see number plates at the prescribed distance. Utterly horrifying. We arranged an eye test - I phoned the optician beforehand and explained the situation. She told MIL no glasses could improve her eyesight so MIL reluctantly gave up driving. Very sad, but a huge relief. 18 months later, she can’t even work the TV remote control.
RSPoA is a great option if a stubborn, independent parent refuses to give up their licence.

AnnofPeeves · 22/05/2020 23:44

Yes please do report. I was hit head on by an elderly driver driving on the wrong side of the road. Luckily I saw him coming and stopped so there was only the force of him hitting me, rather than two of us coming together at speed. Just before he hit me, he took both hands off the steering wheel and lifted them above his head in horror

I called the police, he needed to be taken off the road. It sounds like your neighbour could easily cause a similar, or much worse scenario.

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