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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I say something? I don't think neighbour should be driving.

95 replies

99ProblemsPlus1 · 21/05/2020 19:36

Elderly neighbour is in their 80s.

Their driving has become quite erratic recently and for the past couple of months they have been parking on our road with half the car on the pavement and half sticking out in the road and also hitting others cars when parking.

Just today I pulled up and was sat in my car about to get out as they pulled into the space behind me and hit my car as they were parking. They didn't notice and I had to ask them if they could move back as their bumper was touching the back of my car (and had jolted me slightly forward). Fortunately there is no damage but this has happened a few times now and to a few other cars on the street, DHs being one of them a couple of weeks ago.

I feel bad, I don't like to say anything but it's getting to the point where someone's car is going to get damaged and frankly I worry about them driving on the roads from what I've seen.

What do I do?

OP posts:
RandomLondoner · 21/05/2020 22:38

That DVLA form that was linked to up-thread says they're only interested if the person has a medical condition. Otherwise they advise you to report to the police.

It makes sense that either DVLA or police would want objective evidence that someone is incompetent, not just the opinion of a concerned individual.

Hollyhobbi · 21/05/2020 22:40

My sister was at traffic lights when an 84 year old driver drove straight through a red light and hit her door head on. She is lucky to be alive as the car was a write off. The person who hit her refused to go to hospital and we suspect they may have been on morphine and not supposed to be driving as they died two months later. She was left with permanent damage.

RandomLondoner · 21/05/2020 22:40

Although testimony about cars that he has been witnessed hitting should count with the police, I would have thought.

RandomLondoner · 21/05/2020 22:40

But even then there would presumably need to be actual damage, otherwise there's no crime?

canigooutyet · 21/05/2020 22:52

If everyone sits back and does nothing then what happens?

They could have a medical condition that does prohibit driving. Not like anyone goes banging on the door asking for the license. Well, they do clearly or face prosecution. How many walk away from the GP or whoever and say yup, it's time. Or when they are at the unsafe stage, yup now is the time. If they did, then we wouldn't be having this chat.

To do nothing means waiting for the day they are either finally pulled over by police. Or a serious accident.

I'm not one of those curtain twitchers. But unsafe driving, nope I don't care. Shouldn't be on the road. I don't care if you are 18 or 81.

I'm not even a driver but know a jolt can cause damage. Many cars on the road have been damaged, ok might not be them. Don't have to mention anything you haven't personally seen. But they jolted your car whilst you were in it, which I think is connected to the whiplash thing?

Lynda07 · 21/05/2020 23:04

Both of them drive that badly? They probably are too old to be driving but usually it's one who gives up, the other who isn't quite so bad, later.

I've had lifts from an eighty something in the past and been scared out of my wits!

It' not an easy thing to do but in your position I would report the pair of them t the DVLA, then it will be up to them to decide if one or both should give up driving.

Standandwait · 21/05/2020 23:50

Report it. Please. I say this as one who has had family members twice who I felt should stop driving and found it so hard emotionally. Honestly it's easier if a stranger plays the bad guy so the relatives don't feel guilty, second-guess, etc etc. As a social worker said to me, my second time going through this: would you allow this person to drive your child? If no, report. Let the authorities make the decision - if you're wrong they won't take away the driving permit, if you're right they will, and either way they decided. Not you, and not a grieving daughter, still less a coroner's court.

Wingedharpy · 22/05/2020 00:38

Agree.
Report it.

I once looked after a very elderly gent who clearly had dementia and was losing his faculties eg. he was unable to dress himself unless handed his garments 1 at a time and reminded what they were and where they went.

I was horrified when, in a conversation with his wife one day, she casually mentioned that he was still driving.

She assured me that he never went out in the car alone.
She said : "He works the pedals and steers it and I tell him where to go"!😣😣

Our lovely Consultant put a stop to that.

DollyParton2 · 22/05/2020 06:37

I would report it to police but also either let them know in person or stick a note through to say their erratic, poor, dangerous driving has been noted by the road, it’s risky and unacceptable and they need to stop.

cptartapp · 22/05/2020 06:57

My DM (69) was killed by a pensioner drifting into oncoming traffic, along with a nurse in her 40's and badly injuring several others. He survived.
Please do something.

Gardenparty123 · 22/05/2020 07:07

You don’t need the driving license number to report to DVLA.
I Reported an elderly family member early this year with name, DOB and address.
They lost their license on medical grounds (had been hiding severity of diabetes effects and couldn’t feel feet/had tremors)

Roselilly36 · 22/05/2020 07:16

Sadly I know of two elderly drivers who didn’t give up their licences until they had a collision. Please report to save them and the families their driving could impact.

UnitedRoad · 22/05/2020 07:25

An elderly man hit my mum at a petrol station once. She’d pulled up at the side where people parked if they were just using the shop, and he reversed into her. He was going slowly so she wasn’t hurt, but was really shocked. I jumped out and shouted at him, asking what he thought he was doing or something, I can hardly remember, and he said he couldn't turn his head to see what was behind him. I wish I’d taken his number plate and reported him.

crispysausagerolls · 22/05/2020 07:34

It’s terrifying 😱 this thread is terrifying

RibenaMonsoon · 22/05/2020 07:37

It's sad for them because I'm sure a lot of elderly people rely on their cars. But like anybody, if you aren't fit to drive, you shouldn't be driving.

There were some temporary traffic lights near where I live, I had taken DD and DS on a walk.
The temporary traffic lights stop all cars in all directions except one and there is a temporary pedestrian crossing also. I was waiting for the pedestrian crossing to turn green, and lights for one of the car lanes had turned green. There was an elderly lady driving, she got to the end of the junction and started looking around for cars, there weren't going to be any as the lights for cars coming from other directions were all red, she sat there for a long time until she made the decision to go. By then the pedestrian crossing lights were green and myself, DD and DS were in the middle of the road, she nearly ran us over. Thank god id clocked her and pre empted what was going to happen otherwise she most definitely would have killed us.
I would report I'm afraid, this time it was your car, next time it might be someones life.

autumnmum · 22/05/2020 07:44

My car was written off by an elderly driver who confused the brakes with the accelerator. I had three kids in the car. I was injured as was one of the children. The ladies son said exactly what someone up thread said about rural living and taking away her independance. So instead of dealing with it when he should have he allowed his mum to nearly kill 4 people, and cost me a huge amount of time, money and distress sorting the whole mess out. Report them.

Original poster
99ProblemsPlus1 · 22/05/2020 07:48

Thanks all. I'm going to take a look today what I need to do to report. You've reassured me it's definitely the right thing.

I know it sounds awful but I don't want to speak to them in person or leave a note as PP suggested. To be quite honest I'd rather they not know it was me.

OP posts:
Inthepurplerain · 22/05/2020 08:02

Apparently an elderly persons independence (even though they can move) is apparently more important than other people’s lives.

@autumnmum

lilgreen · 22/05/2020 08:04

When I reported a neighbour I absolutely knew it was the right thing to do. I don’t know what has but he doesn’t drive now. I told my DH who was shocked I’d done it but I didn’t care. I knew it was a matter of time.

lilgreen · 22/05/2020 08:05

*what happened

Nottherealslimshady · 22/05/2020 08:08

Dvla wont do anything unless he has an actual medical condition that is listed as one of their reasons you're not allowed to drive. I wanted to report FIL for his dangerous driving but all you can do is report to the police while the car is being driven in the hope they go out and watch them driving.

AlabamaArkansas · 22/05/2020 08:10

We live rurally and she’d be totally isolated without her car so we have no choice but to turn a blind eye to it really.

Her right to not be isolated does not trump someone else's right to life should she hit them.

AlabamaArkansas · 22/05/2020 08:12

Anyone hesitating reporting something like this should read this article, written by a man whose wife was hit and killed by an elderly man in front of their 2 year old son.

www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/benjamin-brooksdutton/ben-brooks-dutton_b_6579492.html

AriadnesFilament · 22/05/2020 08:12

Taking on board what previous people posting have said about DVLA not acting unless there’s a medical condition or they have the actual license number, I’d record footage on your phone a couple of times of his driving and then report to local police.

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