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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask - when did you know relationship was over

50 replies

ThrowbackMagic · 20/05/2020 23:08

What was the moment or thing that made you know that a relationship was not (or no longer) going to work long term?

OP posts:
Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese · 20/05/2020 23:12

He chose to spend the 2 days we'd booked off work, car shopping with his sister. When I challenged him he said she needed his help and he would see me in the mornings and evenings (we worked opposite shifts and despite living together didn't see much of one another)

Louise91417 · 20/05/2020 23:12

When everytime i looked at him i had nothing but distain on my face.Hmm

madcatladyforever · 20/05/2020 23:16

When he came to bed with stinking breath and BO yet again wanting sex and I just thoght I've been asking you to to sort your personal hygeine out for 15 years, and I've just had enough. I'm never sleeping with you again.

jackstini · 20/05/2020 23:23

When he lied to his Mum (who I loved to bits)

Told her his cheating was a one off and he would never see her again so she begged me to not leave him

Had to tell her it was a 5 month affair, he sat opposite her at work every day and had not used contraception during a time we were trying to get pregnant

We were both young (married at 21) & both cheated within a year so both to blame - but this was the deal breaker

Biomedical · 20/05/2020 23:54

When he got drunk and said ‘I’ll be honest with you, you want this perfect family life but I won’t ever change’. The same day I saw a meme saying ‘when someone tells you who they are. Listen’ and ended it the next day when he sobered up

Sparklesocks · 20/05/2020 23:54

With my ex I had a moment in a pub where we were out together, he was telling a long, convoluted story which I wasn’t enjoying and I realised I was just sick of his stories (he was very nice but they dragged on for ages and the pay off was never worth it!). I realised I couldn’t spend the rest of my life listening to them, and suddenly had a lightning bolt moment that I was no longer in love with him.

I loved him, I cared about him, but I no longer felt ‘in love’. It had been building for some time but it suddenly all hit me at once in that moment. It was really awful to realise but I split with him a short time later, he was very upset but months later I saw him again and he admitted it was best for both of us. Horrible to be caught off guard like that but I’m glad I didn’t ignore it.

NoPointInWednesdays · 21/05/2020 00:08

The first time he put his hands round my throat and gave me a slap for buying a £2.80 t-shirt from primark. I had only been married for 4 months and he had never laid a hand in me before but no way was he getting to a second time. I worried about what people were going to say since we had only been married 4 months and I was still young......those thoughts changed within 15 minuets of me walking out the door with a small bag of my stuff and I’ve never looked back.

FOJN · 21/05/2020 00:08

When he got pissed (as usual) and regaled a gathering or friends and family with stories of his repulsive wanking habits and then behaved in an inappropriate way with a member of his own family. Oh and when I was filled with dread everytime I heard his key in the lock.

Nikhedonia · 21/05/2020 00:11

I've recently had a break up and it was after I could write 10.5 pages of reasons that I shouldn't be with him. That pretty much summed it up for me.

Dazedandconfused10 · 21/05/2020 00:12

When he decided he could love more than one person. I dont share.

Seren85 · 21/05/2020 00:16

When he (ex) hit me. I'd put up with his emotional abuse and the odd shove but when he hit me I called my Mum because I knew if I said it to her there was no taking it back. Of course later on my husband killed himself so I suppose when the police knocked on the door I knew that was over too.

BissueTox · 21/05/2020 00:17

When he played online games every second he could. Ignoring me and our daughter.

annacus · 21/05/2020 00:18

When he looked at our youngest (planned) baby and told me that all he could see was another 18 years of bills to pay. He wanted out and I showed him the door.

CoRhona · 21/05/2020 01:11

Previous bf - when he said he didn't want children.

Euclid · 21/05/2020 01:15

I knew that my marriage was over when my beloved husband died of a heart attack. We loved each other.

CoRhona · 21/05/2020 01:18

@Euclid Flowers

Euclid · 21/05/2020 01:30

Thanks CoRhona. It is coming up to his anniversary and it is so difficult.

Yeahnahmum · 21/05/2020 01:32

When your gut feeling says so

cravingthelook · 21/05/2020 01:35

In marriage counselling when he gave these two replies:

Would you ever back 'look' up in front of the kids (question was asked when he admitted he lied to me about stuff the kids did and constantly undermined me)?.... oh yes, IF I thought she was right (FYI I was never right)

I said, I don't know who I am any more! .... yes you do, you are a wife and a mother
*

Nat6999 · 21/05/2020 02:15

When he raped me & then a week later tried to burn the house down with me & ds in it.

DimplesToadfoot · 21/05/2020 02:29

I didn't see it coming at all. I'd gone to bed as normal, at about 6am he frantically woke me "wake up wake up, get out, theres a fire" I dived out of bed, ran down the hallway grabbed our 2 children, bundled them down the stairs and out the front door. I turned around to face the front door waiting for him to follow, there was no smoke, no fire, I was so confused, he then proceeded to tell me "we were over, he hated me, to get gone and take my bastards with me" (they were his) he shut the door and the 3 of were stood there in our night clothes absolutely gobsmacked, I guess you could say it was at that moment, he refused to let us back in the house, refused to let us have any clothes or shoes or the kids toys or the dog, we had to walk away in our pjs. ...

Pantsomime · 21/05/2020 02:41

Dimples that terrible I hope you and dcs are settled and in reflection feeling better away from him

Proudboomer · 21/05/2020 02:44

I am with Euclid. It was the morning I sat and held his hand as cancer stolen him away from me. The love didn’t die but he did.

BrandNewHair · 21/05/2020 02:49

OMG @DimplesToadfoot
Hope you are settled now

Mine was when I was on my hands and knees pregnant begging him to leave his mistress and come back to me. All he could say was. But I love her too!

hadtojoin · 21/05/2020 03:19

A long term relationship ended after 3 years when his best friend got married and he told me that I wouldn't be able to go to the wedding as I wouldn't be able to get time off work (without even asking me) and only told me he was the best man when I saw the photographs afterwards. I realised then that I was not an important part of his life.

Another time I was engaged (to someone else) and we planned to get married in 2 years time and 2 years on he was still planning to get married in 2 years time. I also realised that his mother was actually the 'friend' that was telling him how I should behave. ie: An engaged woman shouldn't go out for an evening with friends on her own although he was alowed to go out with his mates, That I shouldn't buy any new clothes and should save for our wedding - even though he spent every penny he earned. I realised his mother would always dominate our relationship.

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