Page 2 | To ask - when did you know relationship was over

ThrowbackMagic · 2020-05-20T22:08:35+00:00

What was the moment or thing that made you know that a relationship was not (or no longer) going to work long term?

tillytown · 21/05/2020 03:36

When he told me he was going to his home country to visit his sick father, but was actually going because he was getting married to someone else. At least the lying scumbag isn't my problem anymore :)

Gnarlibar · 21/05/2020 06:03

When I got out of hospital after having emergency surgery and found the pots I'd made dinner in the night I went to hospital still on the stove four days later, full of mouldy water.

There were years of neglect and disrespect before that but that was the moment I realised the depth of his lack of care for me.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 21/05/2020 06:11

I started feeling like I didn't want to live with him any more and was actively looking on Rightmove for places that I could afford by myself.

Very shortly afterwards I found out I was pregnant (unplanned) so I stayed to try and make things work for the baby but we separated when DS was 10 months old. I got quite a lot of judgement for that as people thought it was just the stress of a new baby and we should have tried harder but I was unhappy before I was pregnant.

SquishyBones · 21/05/2020 06:29

When he refused to let my 21 year old son come back home after university and said it wasn’t his problem that he would be homeless otherwise.

This is still on going and we are still married but this conversation happened a few days ago and it was at that moment that in my head, the marriage was over.

I have started putting things in place now in preparation. He has no idea. He’s trying to act all jolly with me as if nothing has happened. I am sending my son a months rent for a property he has had to find ... DH wouldn’t allow me to give him a penny but I don’t give a fuck anymore. I’m sending it.

understandmenow · 21/05/2020 06:52

@DimplesToadfoot that's awful, did you ever ménage to get your possessions?

What an absolute bastard!

DimplesToadfoot · 21/05/2020 08:41

@understandmenow

We got nothing and for a while it felt like everyone was against us, knock after knock we took, we had lived a 3 minute barefoot walk from a manned police station so we walked up to it, they refused to help us saying it was domestic and they couldn't get involved, so we walked to a friends and by 9am the kids were dressed and at school. By 10am I had the keys to a house, I got an emergency loan from the council which was just enough to buy a bit of food and a blow up mattress and I took the curtains down to use as bedding.

I couldn't get a solicitor to help until I had applied for and recieved legal aid and also attempted mediation, that took 6 months, by the time I did get access to the house all our stuff was gone, tbh we didn't really care about the possessions. We were more upset over the dog, he refused to let us take him and not wanting him himself he took him back to the rescue, he took great delight in telling me what he had done, I rang the rescue on the Monday and explained what had happened and agreed I could collect the dog on the Thursday, when we all got there the dog was gone, they had rehomed him.

Then it turned out my best friend who was a CAB advisor had been having an affair with him all along, he knew exactly what to do and how to hit us hard as she was advising him. Joke was on her, she wanted my life, to have that you needed me. She got part of my life, the shitty part lol

Its years later, we survived, I don't know how

understandmenow · 21/05/2020 08:46

@DimplesToadfoot you are bloody amazing! Well done! What a couple of awful people you were unlucky enough to meet.

Magicra84 · 21/05/2020 09:01

@DimplesToadfoot I can't believe how bloody strong you are! What a woman! Very well done. I don't know you but I am so proud of you and your kids.

The animal rescue centre sound like dicks though.

DimplesToadfoot · 21/05/2020 09:22

@Magicra84

I'm still mad at the rescue, if I see them fund raising I just boil, they always stop me, I try to ignore them, but then I'll get a snarky comment thrown at me "you don't like helping dogs then" and I just rant all guns blazing, I could never forgive them

thepeopleversuswork · 21/05/2020 09:30

When he demanded that I "lend" him five grand to "start his own business" after having walked out of a perfectly good job two months previously without consulting me (I had at the time a 1 year-old child). And then threatened to burn the house down if I didn't agree to this.

I'd known for several years really but there was no way back from that point.

CrowCat · 21/05/2020 14:32

When he smashed a coffee cup so hard against a petition wall it went through it, showering the room and my 2yo DD with coffee. He followed that up by putting his hands on my 13yo DS and then reporting HIM to the police when he retaliated. I had overlooked his infidelities, the discrepancies in his alibis, the not wanting to have sex with me, the emotional abuse. I had taken all that on as being my fault for not being good enough. But I couldn't overlook that. It took another 4 horrible months to scrape enough together to leave with my 3 DC. Best move I ever made.

Guineapigbridge · 21/05/2020 16:12

Sometimes it can be the most trivial of reasons. In my case, ex-fiance bought a glass dolphin ornament for me, which was the ugliest, tackiest piece of tatt I'd ever seen. I lost all respect. I thought, this man has no taste, I can't live with a man with no taste. I got the ick! And dumped him. Glad I did, he was a nice guy but very boring.

LaurieFairyCake · 21/05/2020 16:16

When he fell over and his cock fell in someone else

LockdownLoppy · 21/05/2020 16:18

A few days after finding out about the OW............despite saying he had stopped all contact I found out he hadn't. That was the end.

Madre1972 · 21/05/2020 16:21

My relationship had been crap for years and I was half the person mentally.

It was our wedding anniversary and I hadn’t got a card. Drove to the garage to get one and realised I couldn’t do another 50 of them, broke down and never went back.

Excited101 · 21/05/2020 16:23

When I’d fart and he stopped laughing with me afterwards

Mummytobe10101 · 21/05/2020 16:23

My ex and I broke up because his family refused to accept my religion.
His family were very Christian and they did not approve that my family were not Christian. This led to lots of arguments between me and my ex and then eventually we split because the arguing became too much and I was never going to change my religion.

cookiemon666 · 21/05/2020 19:12

When he threatened to thump my 15 year old daughter.
To be honest I should have got rid months before. He was narcissistic, emotionally and financially abusive. Our lives now are not easy, we are stuck in crappy housing and no one will help us. But we are still better off without him

mamascorpio · 21/05/2020 21:13

Whenever I asked this question of someone else

ghostmouse · 21/05/2020 23:59

When he sat and moaned because I asked him to take tb washing out of the machine 2 days after a hand operation. I ended up doing it myself and cooking dinner one handed that night

It was 13 years of build up to be honest but I still loved him then

I fell in love with someone else around the same time, that cemented it.

I knew i had to leave when he came home drunk from the pub, booted my door and made me sleep on the floor because he decided I wasn't living enough.
I kicked him out day

I'm now happily with the man I fell in love with

Bassethound · 22/05/2020 00:21

When I came home from work and exP was sifting through the cigarette butts in the ashtray in the back garden. I was a smoker, he wasn’t.
He’d become paranoid that I was cheating on him (I wasn’t and suspect this was projection on his behalf) and for some reason he’d convinced himself that I’d had another man round the house. He was going through the ashtray, picked up a butt and said: “this one hasn’t got lipstick on it. Who the fuck have you been smoking with out here? Come on, who is he?” It was like he’d lost his mind, he was so adamant that I was having an affair.
Kicked him out that night and he then went on to stalk me for six months.

Original poster

ThrowbackMagic · 22/05/2020 00:33

@mamascorpio

👀👀👀👀👀😶☺️

OP posts:

HappyWarthog · 22/05/2020 08:20

Some great responses on here!
For me there were so many problems with my husband,he had resorted to drugs and was wasting our money, I was keeping a roof over our heads etc etc. But what really pushed it over the edge and I asked him to leave was when I had gone to Tesco with my 2 week old twins, and my 2 and a half year old, you can imagine having twins in the early days is hard graft and I still had baby brain. I bought him steak for dinner.

When i got home he complained i had bought the wrong type of steak. He liked trump and I'd bought sirloin or vice versa. At that moment whilst thinking actually how much effort it had taken for me to make that shopping trip alone, i realised this was never going to work and told him to leave.

RealityTV · 03/09/2022 20:39

@DimplesToadfoot I know your post is old, but how did his relationship with his affair partner turn out? Did they stay together? He was horrible to you and your kids! He did you a favor, but he was horrible!

DimplesToadfoot · 03/09/2022 22:23

RealityTV · 03/09/2022 20:39

@DimplesToadfoot I know your post is old, but how did his relationship with his affair partner turn out? Did they stay together? He was horrible to you and your kids! He did you a favor, but he was horrible!

Hi there

You wouldn't believe me if I told you, but to summarise they both got a good dose of karma, I then saw her years later she apologised to me, I refused to accept her apology and as for him, he's a down and out drunk and spends his days sitting on a public bench by the town hall with a can in his hand and pee running down his trousers. I don't actually get as much satisfaction as I should from that, I feel sorry for him 😐