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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to dream of leaving London?

72 replies

alreadypastit · 20/05/2020 19:28

I’ve lived in London for the last 20 years and think I’ve finally had enough.

We live in a lovely flat but our mortgage is large and we have another 28 years left on it. I wouldn’t say it stresses me out on a daily basis or anything, but it is undoubtedly a weight around our necks.

The hot weather today reminded me that London can be so noisy and relentless. I have a baby and tried to catch some much needed sleep this afternoon, but wasn’t able to because there’s constantly people talking, cars coming and going, neighbours doing home improvements. I would love to live somewhere peaceful and quiet and less claustrophobic, where people aren’t so on top of each other!

The restaurants, bars, museums, galleries, culture and parks in London are undoubtedly second to none, but I barely have the time to visit any of them anyway.

I’m also worried about my child growing up in such a polluted city and am concerned about schools - the ones near us aren’t great from what I’ve heard, but we couldn’t afford to move to a different part of London.

I would love to live by the sea and am thinking of relocating to Kent - maybe somewhere like Margate. If we were to buy there we could reduce our mortgage to about £300 a month, although I’m not sure what we would do about jobs. I’d rather we both worked in the place where we live as I wouldn’t want myself or DH to have to commute back to London every day. I think it would be soul destroying and also very expensive.

AIBU to consider leaving or am I being unrealistic, especially on the jobs front?

OP posts:
KuckFnows · 20/05/2020 22:24

I was born in London and generations of family before me born there too. It's where my grass roots are and being a cockney, it will always hold a place in my heart for what it was.

I moved away 12 years ago with DH . Best move we ever made and I say that as someone who had lived there all her life , so it was all I ever knew.

London has become a different world to the one what I grew up in and for us, we knew that we didn't want to bring our children up in London.

Each to their own but my advice is to always go with your heart.

Good luck

AntiHop · 20/05/2020 22:34

Watch out as if you have to commute into London, it may well eat up any saving on your mortgage. Commuting costs is money down the drain. At least if you are paying a larger mortgage, you'll own a more valuable property at the end of it.

Cnp41 · 20/05/2020 22:36

Well, I think we can all agree that Ricky's a bit of a knob.
In other news, one of the benefits of lockdown is that I've nearly finished the sketching of some wild animals on my homely cave-wall, using only some excrement and a bit of spit, and my oldest childs hair as a paintbrush. Its lovely.

Cnp41 · 20/05/2020 22:41

Seriously though OP -i live in the countryside (in the North of UK), have no neighbours, a tiny mortgage, a 5 bed house and loads of space for the kids outside. I have never been more grateful for this than in recent weeks. It's amazing. I really couldnt imagine living in a city with children - especially now. It really must be difficult. Mine just go outside to play and roam the fields whenever they want. Move and I doubt you will regret it.

kingkuta · 20/05/2020 22:42

Well, I think we can all agree that Ricky's a bit of a knob

Grin Grin

HairyFloppins · 20/05/2020 22:50

YANBU but I don't recommend Margate. We moved away from there to Staffordshire.

Thanet is where I was raised but have no desire to return there ever.

DDRickyDD · 20/05/2020 22:55

Is it a bit grim?

HeyThereDelilah1 · 20/05/2020 23:04

I grew up in Folkestone and a lot of the people I went to school with still live there, it might be because it’s my home town but I do find it pretty depressing and deprived when we go back, but they have high speed trains to London and an amazing adventure playground overlooking the sea and the harbour arms. I’d maybe look at Hythe or Sandgate instead...

justasmalltownmum · 20/05/2020 23:19

I wouldn't go to Margate.

From my own circle of family and friends that have left London, they would all move back (if they could).

Parts of kent are really nice.

Bertoldbrecht · 20/05/2020 23:20

@DDRickyDD funnily enough I thought you were talking about moving to garstang in lancs on a previous thread you started. Or wasn't it you ?

DDRickyDD · 20/05/2020 23:30

@Bertoldbrecht

Yes, that was me. I thought it seemed grim so I doubt I'll move to Garstang. Even the name same grim.

Leodot · 20/05/2020 23:37

@DDRickyDD

So because you’ve looked at one place outside of London and decided it’s grim, the entire country apart from the South is grim? Honestly. What a ridiculous assumption. You’re actually embarrassing yourself.

I was born and raised in London and left in my late 20s to move to the Derbyshire/Yorkshire border. It is gorgeous up here. There are plenty of beautiful places all over the UK, not just in the South.

ILikeyourHairyHands · 20/05/2020 23:40

I think Ricky's taken against the north because she posted a similar thread the other day and had 10 pages of northerns taking the piss.

Disquieted1 · 20/05/2020 23:53

The few people I have met who have left London have regretted it. They have just got used to things being available and struggle to adapt when they are not.

I live in a mid size northern town. We have one theatre and it's a big deal when they put on a show with C list former soap actors. When you're used to 50 theatres showing the best shows every single night, it can be hard to adapt.
Likewise we have one Chinese restaurant (a few Chinese takeaways as well), so if you fancy Ethiopian cuisine at 3 am you're shit out of luck!

And don't get me started on public transport. No tube or airports or buses every five minutes here!

DontLookBackYappityYap · 20/05/2020 23:59

Personally, I'd never leave London. Born and bred I love it here. However I'd move to the edges to get a more relaxed feel.

Thedogscollar · 21/05/2020 00:02

DDRickyDD You were on here the other day thinking of moving up to the North Confused Your comment has no worth so it's best you stay put down South in the land of milk and honey.

LettyBriggs · 21/05/2020 00:09

Rickys comments are a sweeping generalisation, there are some beautiful parts of the UK and to disregard the entire place as grim is is a bit much, however she is entitled to her opinion

I could say the same about the person who described London as a “filthy, overcrowded, polluted shithole”.

OP, How about somewhere like Bristol? Near the water and still a city with the amenities you like in London etc. And you can get a lot of bang for your buck in terms of houses.
If you like Margate, Broadstairs nearby is lovely.

locorito · 21/05/2020 00:09

I'm a bored & raised Londoner so

that filthy, overcrowded, polluted shithole.

is bullshit as is

The north and most of the rest of the UK is really grim and deprived, its not a great place to bring up kids

We are thinking of leaving as most of our friends have & tbh we don't go into zone 1 that much. I love our area of zone 2 & the amenities on our doorstep. The outer zones eg 5&6 don't really appeal. We have always been wary of a long commute as think it's pretty soul destroying & never had a long one. However I wfh anyway & DH was doing 1 day but it's very likely it will be 3 days a minimum regardless of which company he works at.

locorito · 21/05/2020 00:14

Oh & friends have moved to Ramsgate, they like it & so do I when we visit. Other friends have moved to Edinburgh, Bristol & Manchester as still wanted a city. The rest have gone to Surrey. No one we know regrets it but these are all 30 somethings with small dc so priorities change.

ToffeeYoghurt · 21/05/2020 00:25

You say you've lived in London 20 years. I'm assuming that means you weren't born there. Where are you from? Do you still have family and friends living there? Is it an option to move back there?

mummylondon16 · 21/05/2020 00:25

leaving london was the best thing ive done in years. made easier by the fact my daughter was going to uni in the north, i relocated back up north too. summers in london were hell for me- too much pollution, too hot and too busy. i paid £1350 a month to live in a flat with drug dealers opposite, noisy young professionals above and toddler & baby next door who were in all day and screaming crying most of the time ( not a safeguarding issue i consulted with children’s services)
i think the main question is can you get a job/afford to move away, and if so i would say do it before your child goes to school as it’s much easier to trial areas in that circumstance.
but honestly, no i do not think you

mummylondon16 · 21/05/2020 00:27

contd.... are being unreasonable. i found a lot of my london friends were almost in denial about how awful and expensive parts of it are, and couldn’t fathom leaving.
i now live in a big city with ample opportunity and better quality of life.
You may want to tread carefully if we are about to suffer economically as a country, but if you can make it work go for it!

locorito · 21/05/2020 00:35

The things that I don't like are pollution, expense & it's just so bloody busy. I used to be able to get a seat on the Northern line as a teenager, the same tube stop now you have to wait for the 3rd train to squeeze on.
Traffic pisses me off, we don't drive anywhere on a Saturday anymore as it's just ridiculous.

Bobbi73 · 21/05/2020 00:35

We moved to Brighton from London 14 years ago and I have to say it was the best move ever. The houses in town aren't cheap but there are many cheaper areas. It has loads going on, loads of great schools, parks etc. The downs on our doorstep and London an hour or so away. That said, I commuted for the first few years which was really expensive and frustrating but now I work locally, it's brilliant.
We chose it as we knew if we moved out of London to a backwater, we'd be miserable.
Good luck

snowybean · 21/05/2020 00:38

I love London with all my heart and soul ♥️