To think an almost 5yo can dress themselves

[Buzzmingo]

Just that, really.

Every day is the same pantomime- repeated requests to get dressed followed by tantrum, sometimes shouting (both them and I)

They are physically capable but act like the aren’t.

Dressed self from around 2 and suddenly struggles with socks in particular.

I’m at the end of my rope with this particular daily battle.

What do I do?!

Choices? Reward charts? Have they been taught how or did you just do it for them for years and then suddenly stop?

Lockdown has been pretty tough on the little ones, i think maybe cut them some slack, the odd day of pyjamas isn't going to do any harm.

Just refuse to engage. I wouldn’t get into a battle. But I wouldn’t give her breakfast/turn the telly on/give her any attention at all until she is dressed. Be careful how you word things, always use ‘closed’ questions (I think it’s called). Instead of ‘can you please get dressed’ which give her a choice, say ‘WHEN you get dressed we can have breakfast and play a game’.

I have a willfully stubborn stripper OP who is 5. He literally walks round nude all day in the house, despite my constant request for at least some pants!

To be honest, I just assist him to dress. I know he can do it, I'm sure when he's a little older he will want to do it himself, but I pick my battles.

I simply dress him, as we are leaving the house, and every now and again grab him and put a pair of shorts on him at home, but after about an hour he's back in his birthday suit 🤦🏻‍♀️

Do you let them choose whatever they like wear?

My son is 5 next month, he has been able to dress himself for well over a year. Still takes fucking ages and still sometimes ‘forgets’ certain items or “Daddy I can’t reach my feet”.

I take him back to his room and tell him he cannot come out until he has x item of clothing on. I don’t care if he cries, has a tantrum etc, he’s more than welcome to do that in his room until he gets dressed. It doesn’t happen as often now but I have found that works for him.

I also have some flash cards from Twinkle laminated in his room which show him what to put on and in what order, so he usually gets pointed to that as well.

When he’s then spending half an hour putting a sock on I go back to the living area and mentally scream my head off.

My 6 year old still refuses to dress himself most days. I just get him dressed. Life's too short for these kinds of battles, in my opinion. I am fairly confident I won't be dressing him as a teenager!

Oh and before anyone jumps on me, if we have guests I demand he is dressed for their visit, he complies with this request. It's only me and him who live here. I walk round fully clothed, were not nudists 😳

Has a choice of what to wear.

Has always dressed himself but it has been an ongoing battle over the last few months.

Sometimes he’s just too distracted playing etc which I feel is normal for his young age, but at what point does it become too much?!

Feels like he can’t follow a very simple request and it’s incredibly frustrating as he’s a bright child.

Today it is “let’s get dressed then we can go for a walk before lunch”

2yo has herself fully dressed and I’ve her teeth, hair done, shoes on.

Almost 5yo has one sock on after 20 mins and is currently tanteumming about how unfair and impossible it is.

I have offered the choice to not wear socks, he wants to but he wants me to do it.

I get the “pick your battles” strategy but I feel like this is ridiculous behaviour that I shouldn’t let continue.

Has a reward system too, usually very effective in most cases but not with this particular problem.

I have disengaged totally and gone to another room, he’s followed to continue rolling about and complaining.

Reception class PE in September often consists of half an hour undressing and putting on PE kit, 5 minutes in the Hall and half an hour finding the school uniform they flung across the room, despite my specific instructions, and putting it back on. That's fine because dressing and undressing is a physical skill like any other and has to be learned. It does help if the majority have some idea of what they are doing although there are always a couple who haven't the first idea of where to start and need a lot of help and encouragement.

And if they come on with their clothes back to front it isn't because the teacher didn't care, it's because they were very proud of the child for doing it independently and didn't want to put them off doing it again. This is important because if you want them to be independent try not to criticise what they have achieved too much.

I would expect a nearly 5 year old to, at least, make a start by themself.

Are you my husband @SimonJT 🤣

It’s very wearing

My nearly 7 year would, up until lockdown, happily have had me dress him every day. He can't do socks, his top is too tight, he can't put his pants on etc etc. It was a daily battle. Then one day he just stopped arguing and just got dressed when asked. Now, shock horror, he sometimes gets dressed before being asked.

Not sure if it's because he now gets to choose his own clothes every day or some other reason, but I'd say just bide your time. My DS is quite a "difficult" child but things are slowly getting easier as he gets older.

I’d just help him without making it into something he gets attention for, even negative attention. It will take seconds and he’ll soon get bored if you don’t make a big thing out of it.

he wants me to do it.
It might just be a phase where he wants a bit of attention from you. Instead of fighting him just help him get dressed and give him a hug, he'll grow out of it.

If all behaviour is communication then what is your kid actually telling you?
You know them best.
Are they trying to get your attention?
Regressing cos it's all a bit traumatic and strange
Showing you they're upset
Do they just want to be babied a bit.
I'd verbalise these. (Look up PACE) and atm just help them get dressed.

My three year old is perfectly capable of dressing herself but is currently naked because she weed in the toilet, the toilet in the garden (we don't have a toilet in the garden).

Yesterday she weed on the carpet, she is totally toilet trained day and night! I think a lot of children are regressing for attention (not in a manipulative way) as they try to process the differences in their lives.

If I need her to get dressed I go with removal of all fun until it's happened, but it can still take 30 minutes.

I also leave the room to scream silently in my head.

My 5yo dd needs company. We've inttoduced a sticker chart for mornings so she gets a sticker if she doesnt cry. She has to pick her clothes the night before and has to use the pictogram on the fridge to choose what goes in her lunchbox. But she still sometimes "needs" help, or company, sometimes she does it herself. Im quite happy to help her if it avoids screaming melt down with everyone becoming stressed.

Buzzmingo don't fret my 5 year old boy is the same.

Won't follow direction, easily distracted, but very bright and able.

It's a phase I think, because 3-4 he always wanted to "do it himself" because he was learning the skill, now he knows how to do it, he's like yeah "help me". 🙄

I also agree with a PP that is may be for attention, not that you've done anything wrong, I think we need to remember children are as confused about this as we are, so some are acting out a little, but just roll with it for now would be my advice.

He won't be a 30year old business man knocking at your door for you to dress him.

My ds is just 4 and he can fully dress himself. It doesn't sometimes take a while! My oldest is 7 and last year still couldn't put socks on.

My 4yo can dress herself but also often refuses when it's to order, ie morning and bedtime. We just help her, as she can easily do it herself and I've no concern that she'll struggle at school next year. She undresses and dresses herself into and out of dressing up or alternate outfits several times per day.

It is just a comfort thing made worse by the lockdown I think. My 4yo has also been asking to be fed lately, we just do it as I think pretending to be a baby is a comfort thing in these strange times.

In fairness, socks are a bloody nightmare, if the sock monster doesn't thieve them, he does reshape them.

Make him do everything else and then you do the socks to save the battle?

Do you let them choose their own clothes? I started that with my 5yo now they dress themselves some odd combinations mind you but the joy of lockdown is there is noone to judge :)

Some very helpful advice, thanks everyone.

To reiterate, he is 100% capable of fully dressing himself, socks included. He chooses his own outfit - I really don’t care what odd combo he goes for provided it suits whatever activities we have planned (such as old clothes for painting etc)

He will often dress himself unprompted and will happily change his own fancy dress costumes and in/out of a onesie several times a day.

Like pp, it’s the biggest drama when it’s dressing to order. I think our children are similar @Tfoot75

Maybe I should just roll with it and help him if that’s what he wants, I’m conflicted.

Right now it’s just degenerated in to a power struggle / battle of wills I think.

Granny here! Don’t exhaust yourself trying to win this battle.
You know they can do it, so that’s a job well done.
Sometimes the easiest things are just too much bother!
They are just wanting extra attention. Get down on the floor and just help and tease them about tricking you.

My 6 year old DS has a tantrum most days about this. 3 yo DD is much more able than he is. No amount of "when...then" works.

Do you make sure you have his attention when issuing instructions?

I.e

Bob- wait for home to look at you- you are going to get dressed now. What are you going to put on?

Make sure he repeats it back.

I use this in Scouts, especially the ones just up from cubs at 10 and for the ones who are away with the fairies quite a bit.
Sometimes kids will just tune you out.