Have I been a bit shit

[BetteDavisWeLuvU]

I think my childminder’s fallen out with me.

I’ve been really rubbish at staying in contact with her and although we were exchanging messages at the start of the lockdown I haven’t messaged her back since the beg of April even though she’s included me in a few kind round robin checking in texts. I’ve just been so busy at work, I work 4 days and have been caring for my toddler on top of having a very full on role which blessedly has not been affected by any of this. But it means I just forget about WhatsApp - I don't have time to keep up.

CM messaged me at the end of last wk though saying was opening for business on the 1st. I personally feel it’s too soon to go back, especially to someone else’s house, and if DC is going to anyone else’s house it will be my parents. There’s no way we could let him see them if he’d been mixing with other households.

I returned the message explaining my thoughts and that we would continue paying the retainer and to let me know if she wanted to discuss payment terms - if she asks I would be happy to pay the full amount to keep the place. I also sent her photos of DC and a bit of an update on their development. That was on Sunday as I've not heard a peep back.

I know i’ve been a bit shit but to not acknowledge pics of DC felt a bit mean.

I've since found out one of the other Mum’s been dropping off baking for them and has been taking their DC for socially distanced chats (they live walking distance) so they don't forget the Childminder!

I look completely shit don't I? should I call her?

Are you going to tell her that from June you will pay full if she is open, whether or not your child is there?

This is the crux of it.

Firstly I think this is someone you have trusted to look after DC. To not return any of her messages since April is a little off. It is a very quick process to reply, nobody is that super busy. Many people are combining work/homeschooling etc. Whilst you have ignored her, you now think its off that she hasn't replied in 48 hours - mean even, when it was photos of the DC. I think you know the answer to your question. Paying someone a retainer or even paying them in full doesn't equal treating them well.

The OP has been on MN calling people entitled and telling them to get a fucking grip if they have childcare issues.

I’m making judgements here but I don’t think this is well intentioned new poster. She’s definitely stringing along her childminder by sending pictures instead of an intelligent reply confirming she wants a full child minding service when it resumes.

Oh right! Thanks for the heads up!

@GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat I don't need to emotionally blackmail her for Christ’s sake - why on earth would I need to do that. If she'd have said she requires payment in full or we forfeit the place then we would have said we’d pay her in full. Lordy. I’m going t phone her now and tell her that.....payment is absolutely not an issue.

@LemonTT??? I've been telling people to get a fucking if they have childcare issues WTH - where?

I think you need you need to be more sensitive towards the feelings of other people OP.
You should definitely have replied to her texts.
Good that you have recognised that now.

In your position I'd ring her and say that whilst you are glad that she is able to reopen, you have concerns re DS mixing households and potentially carrying the virus to your parents. However since money isnt a problem, you will of course pay her your full weekly rate as usual.

Good childminders are like gold.

You're being v unreasonable to worry when she doesn't reply to your messages in 2 days when you haven't replied in 6 weeks!

And yes you should have offered to pay in full if you're happy to.

I think YABU to be annoyed after two days - she may just be busy like you are. I'd give her a few more days at least.

Haven't been doing any of this for our CMs who we love dearly. They live too far away and I'm too busy still as life hasn't stood still for us either. Don't feel bad

I don’t think you’re shit for not replying but I do think it’s a bit shit for complaining that she hasn’t replied for 3 days after you ignored for 8 weeks!

You’ve not been shit. You also don’t have to pay her when she hasn’t been open so don’t worry about it

I think you need to pay in full regardless of whether you’re using the place. She could easily fill it with someone else and then leave you without a space.

Mean from when she’s opening.

Bit off to ignore her for 8 weeks then get in a hump that she's not replied with 2 days.

Also you need to clarify with her that you'll pay full rates if your choosing not to send your child at the moment. If not you may well find your place goes to someone who does want to send their child.

I find it interesting that you've basically ignored her for 2 months because you're busy but as soon as she's busy you take it personally?

To answer your question, you are not being shit but you are being a bit unreasonable and if your message "explaining your thoughts" wasn't worded carefully I can imagine she may have been a bit hurt.

HOWEVER: she is supposed to be a professional so she needs to buck up.

Give it a couple of days, then call her.

Retainer isn't fine.
Everything else is peripheral.

Although a little ironic that you didn’t reply to her since April and she gets 48 hours grace before you get antsy about a lack of reply!

Yep, this

I hate texting so I sympathise but I’m afraid YABU for not messaging her for 6 weeks and then being upset because she hasn’t cooed over your DC’s pics.

Am I right in understanding you’re planning on the kids going to their grandparents instead of childminder?

Everyone is dealing with different things in different ways, just as you are and I'm sure she is too. X