Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Have I been a bit shit

71 replies

BetteDavisWeLuvU · 19/05/2020 15:56

I think my childminder’s fallen out with me.

I’ve been really rubbish at staying in contact with her and although we were exchanging messages at the start of the lockdown I haven’t messaged her back since the beg of April even though she’s included me in a few kind round robin checking in texts. I’ve just been so busy at work, I work 4 days and have been caring for my toddler on top of having a very full on role which blessedly has not been affected by any of this. But it means I just forget about WhatsApp - I don't have time to keep up.

CM messaged me at the end of last wk though saying was opening for business on the 1st. I personally feel it’s too soon to go back, especially to someone else’s house, and if DC is going to anyone else’s house it will be my parents. There’s no way we could let him see them if he’d been mixing with other households.

I returned the message explaining my thoughts and that we would continue paying the retainer and to let me know if she wanted to discuss payment terms - if she asks I would be happy to pay the full amount to keep the place. I also sent her photos of DC and a bit of an update on their development. That was on Sunday as I've not heard a peep back.

I know i’ve been a bit shit but to not acknowledge pics of DC felt a bit mean.

I've since found out one of the other Mum’s been dropping off baking for them and has been taking their DC for socially distanced chats (they live walking distance) so they don't forget the Childminder!

I look completely shit don't I? should I call her?

OP posts:
Cyberattack · 19/05/2020 16:55

Although a little ironic that you didn’t reply to her since April and she gets 48 hours grace before you get antsy about a lack of reply!
^
^
^
This!!

GrimmsFairytales · 19/05/2020 16:56

I think the retainer bit may have flummoxed her and now she's working out how to ask for payment in full.

I agree with this. I'm surprised you think she needs to ask directly about full payment before you pay more than a retainer.

YinMnBlue · 19/05/2020 17:01

Yes, FGS tell her you would be happy to pay the full amount.

She doubtless has other clients / waiting list who would be happy to happy the full amount.

If CMs are able to be open, not sending your child is your choice - an understandable choice - and she shouldn't be expected to lose money.

SeasonFinale · 19/05/2020 17:03

I think if the place is open from 1 June but you choose not to use it you will have to pay for the place.

SeasonFinale · 19/05/2020 17:04

All the other stuff is neither here nor there. she isn't your friend she is your childminder. It is her business thus why you need to pay her now she is available to work.

Original poster
BetteDavisWeLuvU · 19/05/2020 17:08

@GrimmsFairytales well we took DC out the first week in March as there were a lot of cases here initially and we just didn’t feel comfortable - he went to my DP’s and we explained the situation - fully expecting to keep paying in full, however she said it was understandable and would we mind just paying a retainer to keep the place open.

OP posts:
Josette77 · 19/05/2020 17:22

Offer to pay full. Also why is she being rude by not responding right away when you didn't respond for weeks?

NoSquirrels · 19/05/2020 17:22

I know i’ve been a bit shit but to not acknowledge pics of DC felt a bit mean.

You know it's unreasonable to get the hump, don't you? You don't need us to say so.

Just whack her another message tomorrow saying you're just checking in, you're sure she's a bit frantic what with thinking about reopening etc and to let you know if she wants to discuss anything - you'd love a chat and hope she's OK.

Herpesfreesince03 · 19/05/2020 17:25

I think you were bu not taking 15 seconds to send her a quick text. She might not be your best friend, but she is important to you and your child and she cared enough to check on you.

HisNibs · 19/05/2020 17:26

I would guess that in her message saying she is reopening on the 1st means she is expecting to return to 'normal'. You've probably flummoxed her a little by offering to continue paying a retainer. That's not what she's expecting to do. She will be busy also and possibly now also working out either how to nicely ask for full fees or working through any waiting list she may have to see if your business can be replaced. If you really want to keep the place, it might be better to call her and discuss?

GrimmsFairytales · 19/05/2020 17:37

Her offering to let you pay a retainer back in March doesn't mean the same will be acceptable 3 months later now she is re-opening. It was a gesture of good will, and now she is returning she will be expecting full payment.

CeibaTree · 19/05/2020 17:46

Gosh you trust this woman with your child, but can't be bothered to take 30 seconds to respond to her texts - I have to agree with your own assessment, yes you have been a bit shit! If she is reopening from June, but you have only offered her the retainer, coupled with your rudeness, I wouldn't be surprise if she is a bit miffed with you.

BlingLoving · 19/05/2020 17:47

I know i’ve been a bit shit but to not acknowledge pics of DC felt a bit mean.

This is funny. You ignore her for MONTHS and are now a bit upset because she's not fauning over your DC?

Also not sure I get the retainer vs full fee thing - if she asks I would be happy to pay the full amount to keep the place. so basically, you're hoping she'll just be nice to you and let you pay the retainer but if she gets tough, you'll pay the full fee?

So you're not being honest with her nor are you being particularly accommodating.

I doubt she's miffed. I suspect she's busy because she's worked out that you don't particularly value you, don't want to pay her and now she's looking for a new family who WILL pay her. At which point I suspect you'll get a messaging saying, "Thanks for offering to pay the retainer but I've now found someone who will be willing to take your DC place at full fee so I'm letting you know that I won't be able to accommodate you any more. Hope you're all well."

LemonTT · 19/05/2020 17:51

I think you have been a bit shit and should by now have confirmed whether you would be continuing to use the service at full rate. You are putting the onus on her. I think she needs assurance about her income not just photos.

If you don’t have time to sort it out, why are you posting on MN and sending pictures. Based on you own account you are trying it on to get a retainer fee whilst holding a full cost place.

Too busy to sort out your childcare but not to discuss things on MN.

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 19/05/2020 17:59

It’s also worth remembering that people who feel appreciated will often go above and beyond for you. Those who don’t probably won’t.

Original poster
BetteDavisWeLuvU · 19/05/2020 18:02

@LemonTT?? I never said I didn't have time to confirm details. She sent me message saying she was reopening and would be available. I discussed it with DH then messaged her back the following day letting her know our thoughts.

I didn't have time to respond to her round robin messages last month as it's the busiest month in the year for me at work (annual report production) an that coupled with childcare left me very little time - things have calmed down now.

OP posts:
zscaler · 19/05/2020 18:04

Just like you’ve been busy and haven’t replied to all of her messages, I expect she is also just busy and not able to reply to yours. Don’t take is personally, it likely isn’t meant that way!

Healthyandhappy · 19/05/2020 18:07

No I withdrew my place and messaged other day not planning on returning til Sept time if she has a place obvs. I only send kids on a fri after school and oldest cant go bk yet anyways so 0 point in getting her to get youngest

Original poster
BetteDavisWeLuvU · 19/05/2020 18:07

@GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat as per my previous post we paid her in full for March even though she billed us for the time DC had been there and the retainer and told her we would for April as well. At which point she told us no the retainer was fine.

OP posts:
GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 19/05/2020 18:09

I’m talking about June and beyond. Not March and April.

ThatUserNamesTakenTryAnother · 19/05/2020 18:17

Purplelion

So you’ve spent the last 8 weeks not responding because you’re too busy. Everyone can find 2 minutes to reply to a message. And now you’re offended that she hasn’t replied to pictures of your DC...

these are my thoughts too, your saying how busy you are, too busy to send a10 second reply?! then expect her to reply quickly to your message and your taking offence she's not commented on your son 🙄 take a look at yourself

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 19/05/2020 18:18

Thinking about it, I think sending her pics and an update about you son was a little bit of emotional blackmail.

ViciousJackdaw · 19/05/2020 18:19

Photos? As in more than one? What on earth for, I'm sure she hasn't forgotten what he looks like.

HisNibs · 19/05/2020 18:19

Paying a retainer doe April and May has likely saved her having to give up child minding altogether and find other work. Being in a position to reopen in June will mean she needs full fees to make a living and pay her bills. She was probably very disappointed to get your message suggesting just a continuation of a retainer especially if you couldn't find 5 minutes over the last 2 months. I'd make an effort to call her and clarify things.

Susanna85 · 19/05/2020 18:40

You should have replied to her messages, it was rude of you not to have messaged back since April. I'm sure she hasn't been dwelling on it.. but fair enough if she decides to put a reply to you at the very bottom of her to do list.

Offer to increase the retainer from 1st June.

Swipe left for the next trending thread