What does 'plus one' mean in this context

[hourglasses]

Met a man online. He said from the outset that he cannot commit to a full relationship for many valid and truthful reasons and neither can I , but he said he would like a plus one type arrangement . Is it unreasonable for me to think that he means more than a fwb but less than a fully
Committed relationship.
Our contact and connection has intensified over the last few months , to daily chats for hours and video calls. We speak and plan about meeting up all the time, after lockdown . What do you think? Thank you.

Sounds like he wants an escort to be honest. Am sure he doesn't but he hasn't worded it very well

@Beketaten - why is a couple of evenings a month not worth it?

For me for example, I would not want to prioritise a man over time with my DC so one or two nights a week (maximum because I have other stuff to do too!) when they are not there would be perfect.

As a PP said, the only danger would be if you are waiting around always available when he clicks his fingers.

You will need to say no sometimes and not be "that friend" who drops everything whenever her boyfriend is free.

I wonder if he is too scared as a young widower to think of investing emotionally in someone again and would rather have a casual relationship with one good friend/companion?

One of you will fall in love and get hurt I imagine because of wanting more than can be given.

My sister has a 'friend'. It sounds like the relationship you are describing.
They date. They go out for meals and nights in hotels but don't holiday together or hangout with each others friends.
She is happy being single but wants company sometimes.
They both have no expectations of furthering the relationship, no marriage kids or moving in together
As a previous poster said its the equivalent of a boyfriend in your late teens. Just the fun stuff without the heavy relationship stuff.

So am I right in thinking that you want it to be exclusive and no one else involved but other than that are happy with what he is proposing

Tell him that - its either an exclusive arrangement or you walk. But beyond that it sounds like something that could suit you

Yes I asked him if he wanted exclusive which he did and told him that it had to be for me also.

I think it's no more than a friend. Up to you if you want to add benefits. I bet he'd take just the friend option as he wants a companion when going places.

Hw wants a plus one to go to parties and night outs, like you get a plus one to attend a wedding if you aren't known to be in a commited relationship.
It's a nice way of saying date nights, that's all.
he sounds like he's been through a lot and not ready to move into a relationship but would like a regular date.
Sounds like a nice man who puts his kids first, which he should do if they've lost their mum.

That's exactly it. We both believe strongly in not introducing anybody new into
Our kids lives for the foreseeable
Future or until they are much older, in general and are busy with the day to day. So maybe with both of us being on the same page, it may work for a while .

To me that would be a regular companion for dinners, black tie events, fundraisers, perhaps weddings where a plus 1 is available. Sounds rather nice.

That would make sense as he works in an area that has a lot of those events .

This sounds perfect OP, would love this x

Why don't you just ask him exactly what he means? If you are negotiating the terms of your relationship surely it's best to be clear about what each of you want from the start?

Yes I definitely think I need to mail it down one way or another.

Nail

Sounds like an excellent arrangement for both of your circumstances. He just used a way to describe it which would make anyone overthink!

I had relationship like this for many reasons and my only advise is dont do it, you will both end up hurt and wishing you could go back and not get into it. Over a year since mine blew up and I am still trying to put myself back together.

I'd nail it down. I dont see the issue with being gf and bf. Keeping that relationship completely seperate from the kids. I think its about having the same clear expectations and future hopes. Keeping lines of communication very open and clear on rules of relationship.

yes, I am with those who say it's a FWB plus days out, with the added advantage that maybe other members of his family will stop trying to set him up with "suitable women" if he has his own Plus One to wheel out.

given both your situations it doesn't sound like too much hard work tbh...I'd probably go for it!

@DontTouchTheMoustache can you explain why you think things blew up and why you feel that was down to the nature of the relationship ?

You live 5 hours apart. Meeting each other even once a month would be a pain in the neck. I'd try to find someone who lives closer.

Sounds like exactly the kind of thing I would like tbh!

To those who are saying widower is common on fake profiles, why is that? Not that I don’t believe you or that I’ve come across any widowers (fake or otherwise) but wondering why it’s such a hook? Is it considered more attractive than divorced or just single?

@stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches I suspect being a widower with children gives an especially admirable excuse to be unavailable as busy with his children and why kids aren't ready to meet anyone when real reason is he has a wife and kids.

Just my guess I hadn't realised people could stoop so low either. And must make it harder for genuine people.

Sounds fine to me and he's being very honest too.