What does 'plus one' mean in this context

[hourglasses]

Met a man online. He said from the outset that he cannot commit to a full relationship for many valid and truthful reasons and neither can I , but he said he would like a plus one type arrangement . Is it unreasonable for me to think that he means more than a fwb but less than a fully
Committed relationship.
Our contact and connection has intensified over the last few months , to daily chats for hours and video calls. We speak and plan about meeting up all the time, after lockdown . What do you think? Thank you.

He wants someone to show off to his friends and family when invited out.

Ask him what he really means, it seems to be quite common now for people to want all the benefits of a relationship without any commitment, they want to do what they want when they want but they want you to be available when they need you.

what is your situation? I think what he is after works very well for people in a similar situation, with children who want to keep two sides of their lives separate but also want someone to spend time with. It will suit some people

It doesnt sound like it suits you?

Sounds like it could up like an escort...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3901126-how-to-broach-friends-with-benefits-conversation

Here you go OP. Re read these answers.

At first I thought "FWB" but how I'm inclined to agree with PP and say he wants a casual relationship, no commitments (marriage, moving in etc) but have someone that is emotionally invested.

What do YOU want?

Bearing in mind you haven't even met yet?

If everything he's told you is true then I can see where he's coming from.

Widower
Works full time
Two young kids

Wants someone in his life to hang out with when he can, take to events, talk to, cuddle, probably have sex but nit someone who is looking to be part of his kids lives right now and who wants to move things forward faster than he wants. Someone who understands he doesn't want to get a babysitter all the time and that he has too many commitments to be able to offer a full time relationship commitment to someone, but doesn't just want a string of dates-wants something more meaningful.

I think that's fine and totally understand, but I'd find it hard to be that person. Others wouldn't mind.

It just depends what YOU want?

But you need to meet in person - you might not click in person then it's a lot of emotional investment for nothing.

Socially distanced picnic?

It sounds nothing like FWB or Escort 🙄🙄🙄

Thanks for your thoughts. Lots of variety in the answers .I will talk to him
I would like something that is private , no kids involved, no marriage or kids or living together but I felt calling it a plus one arrangement could be a way of dressing up a fwb situation which is not what I want .

He said from the outset that he cannot commit to a full relationship for many valid and truthful reasons and neither can I
"And neither can I" - OP doesn't want a full relationship at the moment.

Crossposted.
Whatever you're looking for, OP, whether it is an affair or a live-out boyfriend, explain what you want ... but remember that people do sometimes tell you what they think you want to hear - and people do change their minds later.

Is this the man I read about a couple of weeks ago, where you live a couple of hours apart? He wanted a plus one, too, though I couldn't see how on earth that would work.

I am now single after being traded in after twenty years and young children who are living with the fall out of that so I don't want any more stresses or changes to their lives. I would like this to be something of my own in my own free time.

Maybe he wants someone who will be happy with going on dates, having sex, having a voice at the end of the phone when they have had a bad day. Maybe he doesnt want anyone involved in his childrens lives.

He is a young widower

Are you sure, that is a very common hook/lie used online.

@lowlandLucky He doesn't and neither do I. We both feel strongly about that at the moment.
@SunflowerSeedsForever . I'm sure.

I imagine it means more than a fwb as you might get invited to events, meals etc where a plus one would be the norm and go on dates but without any real potential to further the relationship

Sounds like an entirely reasonable arrangement: you’d be boyfriend and girlfriend (like teenagers or students would be) but not life partners because your commitments to your children preclude that.

However there are a lot more men on OLD claiming to be young widowers with children than there are actual young widowers with children so tread carefully.

I was going to say the same as @SunflowerSeedsForever that widower is a very very common status on fake profiles but from what you've said all you want is a dressed up / slightly more involved FWB too - sounds like you are on the same page OP

Meh, it would work for me

"Sounds great, be nice if, every now and again, we both have a free evening and fancy spending it together. We've both got lots going on with dc etc so I like the idea of us just spending the odd bit of free time together"

And just make sure you don't always say yes to every invite. Sometimes it's ok to "have other plans tonight"

Is this your first foray back into the world of dating, then?
Congratulations on your newfound freedom . Sounds like a good plan, as long as you are really ready to keep things light. Personally, I found it very liberating, being in the new position of just being able to end it if it wasn't what I wanted, or for no reason at all. (Lovely after years of not easily being able to do that.)
I now have a live-out bf with a 10-year-old daughter. We are both happy to meet up regularly as a couple while both having our own homes. From my experience, though, this works best if you don't have to travel far.

I'd read that as pretend to be his girlfriend/partner so his friends/colleagues think he's not the loser he is.

Sounds like he wants to be clear he can't commit as much as you might expect from a relationship so setting boundaries. I hope he means you will date, possibly exclusively but unlikely he will be able to progress to moving in and merging families. Sounds like this might suit you too. Something you need to clarify with him.

No there will never be merging families. Thanks for replying.

Sounds exactly what I would like at the moment.

I don't want anyone moving in with me and my kids.

I don't want to prioritise a relationship with a man over my kids or my friends.

I have a pretty full-on job.

I would be delighted to find someone like this - it's still a relationship, you are just not making marriage plans or moving in together plans from the outset and not planning on blending your families.

What's not to like?

A couple of evenings a month doesn't seem worth it to me, but if you are similarly busy and happy to keep it light then it could work for both of you. He's being very clear he doesn't want you in his day-to-day or family life, so you know what you're getting into.