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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think people shouldn't take people's choices personally

48 replies

Daisyxxchain · 18/05/2020 15:45

It's always the same. People judge the parents that do the opposite to them. Why??? I literally understand some people work. Some don't. I don't judge either party. You do what's best for your family.

Theres a full time working mum on my Facebook. One son aged 6. She was told she couldn't have children due to polycystic ovaries. But she fell naturally. She went back to work full time when he was 9 months. I remember at the time she wrote a big headed status about how she was teaching her son you work for what you want. She may aswel had said....sahm are lazy and not setting an example.

Anyway I wrote a status asking parents what they were doing about the sending kids back June 1st. I had 8-9 people say don't do it. Or I'm not not sending mine. Others said there's no point as the curriculum isn't being met. I chatted backwards and forwards with my concerns about the huge changes at my child's school. I felt it would be confusing. Many agreed or voiced back their worries.

Then this working mum wrote how I needed to just not worry my kid and send her. She said her son was having loads of one on one time and he was doing amazing. She works at an insurance company so her jobs not keyworker like that.

I took her point on and I appreciate the kids in school won't be miserable. Ofcourse they are having fun etc.

My newsfeed has been full all week of parents saying they won't send theirs back at this stage. Many are concerned in ore schools and reception about the new social distancing rules.

This afternoon working mum has wrote a ranty status about mass hysteria about sending children back. Said how her amazing son is the only child in his year at school and he's playing with other years and having fun. She continued to say it has not affected his Mental health and she's offended that others are suggesting that it could cause issues.

But why is she offended that others don't want to send their kids? It's our choice. It's good to discuss your reasons.

The thing is her situation is much better than ours. In half term her son's at different households everyday being looked after. Some of us sahm don't have tons of childcare options for free.

One thing I hate is sahm being called lazy etc.

We are living in a pandemic and there is no rush to send our kids back until we know it's safe. It makes sense for workers to use the service. But half of my daughter's class has said no. Infact 8 have said no and that's all I've asked. So it's a common answer where I am.

I respect the parents who have no choice. But I expect them to respect ours!

OP posts:
Boulshired · 18/05/2020 15:55

It’s not just choice it’s usually comes with an an opinion. You certainly have an opinion on how life is easier for her compared to you. It’s also sounds like someone has questioned the damage to her childs mental health. People will often be defensive when they are feeling judged.

Daisyxxchain · 18/05/2020 16:02

Her life isn't easier. She can go to work easier because she has several friends and family to look after her boy for free. Not judging her. If I had that I would work part time. But I don't do currently we live of one wage. .
Theres a few bits going around about the long term affects of children and whether it's healthy. It's a fair question. It's important to consider it. It won't affect the few kids in now. But if they all go back and are banned from touching things and going near friends it's a bigger issue.

OP posts:
Boulshired · 18/05/2020 16:09

But you are questioning her choices but calling it asking a “fair question”. Finance which includes insurance can be seen under financial services so deemed a key worker.

Daisyxxchain · 18/05/2020 16:12

I don't give a hoot about her choices. I'm annoyed she's suggesting others who don't send there's back are hysterical. Tlthos isn't about money and jobs. This is what is best for your child ultimately! Her son's happy at school. But that doesn't mean others will cope with such a strange scenario. Plus he's been going for 3 weeks. The others are not allowed in. So his experience is different. It's a holiday club almost at the moment.

OP posts:
Washyourhandsyoufilthyanimal · 18/05/2020 16:14

My advice is get off Facebook

BelievinForAMiracle · 18/05/2020 16:14

It sounds like working mum is making excuses due to guilt about leaving her boy. Maybe subconsciously she knows it’s possibly not what’s best for him. Grow a thicker skin. You are doing what you feel to be right. It doesn’t matter that she disagrees. Stand your ground quietly and confidently.

PurpleDaisies · 18/05/2020 16:15

What has her having PCOS got to do with anything at all?

Daisyxxchain · 18/05/2020 16:16

@washyourhandsyoufilthyanimal

Says the women on Mumsnet

OP posts:
iamruth · 18/05/2020 16:20

Honestly - you’re just as defensive and judgey as her saying “This isn’t about money or jobs. This is about what’s best for your child”. Could I respectfully suggest that you quietly get on with what you believe is best for your child and leave her out of it - no idea why her having PCOS is at all relevant. No wonder she’s feeling defensive.

Iwalkinmyclothing · 18/05/2020 16:21

To an extent I agree OP, but when it comes down to it, I really don't care what people think of my choices so it doesn't bother me when people post negative opinions of them. I'm pro reopening the schools, I don't get upset by the myriad posts about this being an awful idea and parents who think this way clearly not caring about their dc... because I disagree it's an awful idea and I know I do care about my dc, so why would I be bothered by some random saying otherwise? I went back to work before each of my dc were 1, I don't care when people say anyone who does so is wrong, I made and am happy with my choice so what's their opinion so me?

Oysterbabe · 18/05/2020 16:21

She's probably had her choice attacked by someone so is defensive. I've had it implied that I'm a murderer for sending mine back to nursery.

Bottleup · 18/05/2020 16:24

You are so judging her. Jealous? Threatened?

SavoyCabbage · 18/05/2020 16:24

I don't give a hoot about her choices

The thing is, you posted on social media to ask others what they were doing about sending their children back. You are asking for opinions but you only want the points of view of people who think the same as you. Everything you write about this woman shows that you dislike her. You disapprove of her. Which is fine, but don't have her on your social media and then ask for opinions if you don't want to hear her point of view.

Washyourhandsyoufilthyanimal · 18/05/2020 16:27

@Daisyxxchain how do you know I’m a woman? This isn’t the same as Facebook I don’t know any one here in real life no one knows me, I don’t give personal information away. Very hard to get offended by what people say on here when no one knows anyone. You are getting riled up by an old Facebook status. So yes get off Facebook.

bloodyhellsbellsx · 18/05/2020 16:43

You don’t know her life is easier than yours just because of what you read on Facebook. You sound very judgey and defensive, it’s like your straight on the attack just incase people think your lazy for being a SAHM. People won’t give a shit.

Chloemol · 18/05/2020 16:54

We live in a free country, you have expressed your opinion, she has expressed hers, so I don’t know why you are annoyed

Just move on

Peggysgettingcrazy · 18/05/2020 17:21

But you are judging her.

And actually yes she can be classed as a key worker and probably can't take calls at home (assuming she is) with kids around.

But you seem to have judged that she isn't?

With that comes the implication she shouldn't be sending her child into school. And judgement that she does that.

You posted asking for opinions on what you know is a high emotion debate. Then shocked you got high emotions.

Your op actually reads 'peolle shouldn't judge me for my choices, but I will slyly judge theirs'.

Peggysgettingcrazy · 18/05/2020 17:25

Fwiw, I am a working mum. I also don't have loads of free childcare options. I was also a single parent.
If you want to be a sahm, great. Tbats entirely your own choice. But plenty of parents work without free childcare options. You made a choice, why do you feel the need to justify it by saying g you don't have free child care?

Chosennone · 18/05/2020 17:36

People are like this with everything and anything. Whether or not to have a dishwasher, if a house must have off road parking, where you holiday. Throw anything in to do with kids and it ramps up 100% bf/ff sahm/woth etc.
This is the new issue for people to get worked up about. People who choose to send their DC to school/nursery from June 1st will justify it and parents who don't will argue the point their way. Garnering other peoples opinion makes us feel better about our choices, some people feel attacked if others don't agree.

Cam2020 · 18/05/2020 18:01

We're all a bit judgemental though aren't we? I'm currently quietly judging some ex school 'friends' on Facebook who are ranting about not sending their children to school, yet had a mass piss up with friends on VE and regularly meet up with their friends plus their children, mixing their families.

Maybe she thought she was sharing her expeierence? Perhaps you are reading too much into some of these posts? How is posting about teaching her child work ethic having a pop at you or any other sahm? It seems a bit like you're judging her for sending her child in and deviating from what everyone else has said.

dontdisturbmenow · 18/05/2020 18:14

*she's offended that others are suggesting that it could cause issues"
So people have been suggesting that she was a bad mum for sending her child to school. Then you judge her for doing the same... pot and kettle springs to mind...

WorraLiberty · 18/05/2020 18:19

She went back to work full time when he was 9 months. I remember at the time she wrote a big headed status about how she was teaching her son you work for what you want. She may aswel had said....sahm are lazy and not setting an example.

Well you're taking that pretty personally aren't you?

She is indeed teaching her son you work for what you want, but what does that have to do with SAHPs?

She's made her choice for her own reasons and others have made their choices for theirs.

Mucklowe · 18/05/2020 18:19

Just unfriend the irritating mare and move on.

Sandybval · 18/05/2020 18:21

Because some people are knobs, whether they have children or not. What you might want to remind her though, is that the one to one attention her darling boy is getting will no longer be the case once others return Confused

CannonCaboodle · 18/05/2020 18:23

Looks like you're getting your knickers in a twist over nothing and being just as judgemental yourself. I agree with PP. Get off of Facebook. And don't ask for people's opinions on your dilemma if you only want people to agree with you.