To ask if she will be allowed to keep the baby

[User36227]

My dd 25 has told me she’s pregnant. She’s been with her boyfriend just over a year. She’s got long term mental health problems which includes having a history of suicide attempts and eating problems. She’s worried about telling her mental health team as she’s worried they will take her baby. She’s planning on keeping the baby so obviously will need to tell them.

I’m obviously going to support her through her pregnancy and with the baby when they are born.

Social services don’t take babies away unless they have no other option. Please don’t be scared. They will want to support her if she needs it, but that’s all x

My SIl was in exactly this position (although a bit younger) . Other than a short period where her mh dipped massively she has always had her ds living with her. Hes 7 now and shes a wonderful parent.

She will be offered advice and extra support if she needs it. They will be able to help her with any medication she takes and will put a good plan in place to support her before, during and after labour and birth.

There are multi-agency systems in place to support her during pregnancy and into raising her child. Every single one of them is designed to help her keep the baby and herself in a good place. There is no system designed to remove children unless they are unsafe. By discussing this with her mental health team and others, by initiating those conversations, and by working with others to plan and prepare, she is actually demonstrating exactly the characteristics that will reassure professionals that she is going to be a good mum.

This may even be the trigger that will give her the impetus to be kinder to herself. Being responsible for a child, and recognising how important what you do is to a child, can be life-changing. No guarantees - but equally, it may be just what she needs to make the change.

No, they won't take her baby away. She will be asked if she will have a good support system though. Does any of her friends have children? Obviously having a baby can change your life drastically, so perhaps joining groups early, looking at baby classes, meeting new mums will seem like she's gaining a wider support group as well.

I know a few people under the MH team with very young children, none of them have lost their children. Congratulations and the best of luck for the future.

Nope; I'm sitting here feeding my DS now and I have had similar mental health issues in the past. I fully engaged with the perinatal team and could not have been better supported. I know the midwives were in the lookout for any potential safeguarding concerns when we were in hospital after the birth but they were totally happy.

Social services don’t take babies away unless they have no other option. Please don’t be scared. They will want to support her if she needs it, but that’s all x

This ^^ is correct. One of my friends works in social care and worked for the family support team locally. She said that unless the baby is neglected or in danger they always try to keep babies/children with their mothers as it is in the best interests for both of them.

They will offer her the help that she may need. Kids are hard especially on your mental health so they will want to support her as much as possible esprcially make sure she is taking care of her body through food as shes pregnant

If she is taking any meds for her MH then she needs to tell her care team she is pregnant right away. They may want to change her medications because of the baby

You would be suprised how your daughter's outlook will change when baby arrives, the baby becomes the priority. With family support, including baby's father, mother and baby should thrive. I wish her the best.

They may want to change her medications because of the baby
Just to add to this: She must keep taking her regular medications until discussed with her GP and/or mental health professional. A perinatal mental health specialist is preferable. She should under no circumstances go cold turkey from any medication. Most medications are safe and/or the benefit outweighs any risks.

Circumstances would have to be dire for a baby to be removed and even then with a first baby a mother and baby placement would usually be sought first.

She has to tell her team now, hiding the pregnancy can show that she is not mentally prepared to put her baby's needs first. The team are really good and will do every thing possible to keep them together.

With respect @kgal3542, it's not that simple. I love my baby with every fibre of my being but it hasn't really changed my eating disorder, depression or suicidal ideation. I wish it did but it hasn't (and yes, I feel very guilty for that). That's why it's so important to engage with the treatment team. OP, I wish your daughter the very best.

I know you want her to keep the baby and maybe all will go well. I hope so.

However, while a lot of people with eating disorders are quite capable of feeding their children a sensible diet, some are not. IF she starts putting her baby on weird diets ie. only feeding the child one or two kinds of food, feeding the child too little food etc. it is your duty to report her to SS.

She should be referred to the local perinatal mental health team who will be able to assist through pregnancy and the first year of the baby's life.

She must fully engage with her mh team etc, and be open to midwives etc. If she isn’t then that will raise concerns in itself

I am a children's safeguarding social worker so I can tell you the process if you like?

It is very unlikely to get to even CP, nevermind PLO if you are a protective factor and your DD has a supportive family and professional network around her. We call it an eyes on approach. The more eyes (both services and family members) looking at and out for the child, the happier we feel about safety and level of risk.

We look at, on balance, outcomes for children and removal from parents really is the last step as that intervention in itself can cause trauma. I know how worried you will all feel but if you can see a referral as a positive step towards supporting parenting she will find the process less difficult. The CMHT may not even feel a referral is necessary, but if it is then if you see intervention through a lens of support and collaboration rather something being 'done to' your family you might all find it easier to manage.

I dont think they'll take her baby over this. It does take a lot to have a child removed. They'll support her.

The best thing is to tell them though rather than try to hide it, that will be a concern. They'll also be able to support her to protect her mental health from the strains of becoming a parent.

Not telling them means she won't benefit from support with her eating issues - without that support, she could find it far more difficult to eat enough to sustain her pregnancy. I've known of women who, once they started getting a bump became so distressed, they relapsed and, sadly, their babies didn't make it past 20-odd weeks despite the best efforts of consultants, nursing staff, nutritionists and everybody else in the team.

If she is currently taking teratogenic medication, she needs to stop it - but has to be monitored, rather than just stop. It may be that her medication isn't teratogenic - but she won't know that - or she could be changed to something else.

There is a ton of support available - but if she doesn't tell them, she can't access it and that affects the likelihood of her going to term, never mind any decisions made regarding a baby's future.

The important thing now is not thinking about whether she will be allowed to keep the baby but whether she will be able to sustain the pregnancy to term. Which requires her to tell them.

I am the mother of a 2 year old boy. For years I suffered with terrible mental health (think eating disorders/depression/serious attempts at taking my own life). In my 20s I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and ADHD. I was medicated for a long time until I fell pregnant in my early 30s. From the very beginning I was honest with my midwife and I slowly came off of my medications. I was referred to a Mental Health team that solely focuses on pregnancy. They supported me throughout my pregnancy and after. I can't tell you how lovely and helpful they were, and in no way judgemental. Like your daughter I had all kinds of worry's in the beginning about them taking away my baby but honestly it was never even mentioned. Hope this helps

They will not take her baby for this. I know someone who works with social services and honestly the lengths they will go to to keep a child with its mother is amazing. Unless she is a danger to the baby they will not remove the child. They will have involvement and will support in any way possible. For example if she has a history of mental health problems she will likely have more visits after the birth to check she is coping and make sure that her risk of PND is managed. They may help her arrange support in the form of counselling or even periods of respite if she thinks she needs it, where she has someone else look after the baby for a weekend every month. This is usually a family member, so you or the boyfriends parents.

Throughout the pregnancy she may get regular weight checks to make sure she is gaining as she should and may be referred to a support group for pregnant women with eating disorders. As you can imagine, pregnancy is a pretty common trigger.

As long as she cooperates with them there will not be any question of her keeping the baby.

What is the boyfriend like? Supportive?

I needed mental health support throughout both my pregnancies and they could not wait to sign me off as I had no feelings to harm myself or the baby Even though i was still a bit wobbly to be honest
On a positive note post pregnancy hormones and Brest feeding ( if possible with drugs) is very calming and I felt better than ever after the birth , health visitor all v positive towards me

I've nothing useful to add to this OP, other than good wishes for your daughter and her baby but what a great thread this is. So much support and reassurance, it's really fantastic to read. for everybody on it. :)

Wishing you, your daughter and grandchild all the best, OP. Congratulations!