Parents wfh and the furloughed for childcare

[baskininjoe]

I am childless, currently by choice because I am in my twenties but do plan to have a child in the future at some point.

AIBU to be getting annoyed with the short end of the stick that the childless are getting right now with everything regarding childcare and lockdown.

I have so many colleges who are currently wfh whilst looking after children. I completely sympathise and understand this is hard but I am really starting to get annoyed with them being less productive, and logging less hours for the same pay (no reduction), whilst the rest of us are expected to pick up the slack, and work more hours to make sure tasks still get completed, whilst not being paid anymore for our extra time and effort. I know there is no perfect solution but it really grates on me that they aren't being paid for what they complete which could therefore compensate the rest of us for the extra we are having to do because they are not fully fulfilling their role.

On top of this with the idea of school provisionally going back in June some of these parents have said they will not be sending their DC to school, despite a place being open and available to them, and therefore expect the rest of us to continue to pick up their slack because they can't work as productively whilst looking after their children.

My housemate (shared house) works in a place where many parents have been furloughed for childcare reasons, despite their being lots of work to do, just because they've asked to be. This means that my housemate has been incredibly stressed as the workload is still high but the team is now smaller, whilst many of their colleges are receiving 80% on the taxpayer, despite their actually being work for them to do, all because they complained to their employer that it was too hard working with children and thus asking to be furloughed. This is especially grating as it is taxpayer money that is being used to pay them, despite their actually being a job they could do and be payed for.

I am not at all against the furlough scheme, another of my housemates work in a restaurant and is also on furlough and this is absolutely the right thing as they can not work, despite wanting to, as their place of work is not allowed to open.

However I think:

1. Some employers and employees are taking the piss by allowing staff to be furloughed/asking to be furloughed despite their actually being a job to do. Which then negatively affects the rest of the teams as the work level remains the same but there are less people to do the work so the remaining people have to work harder with no extra pay.

1. Employers need to be understanding but also firm with parents that although some productively will be affected by having DC at home, a certain level still needs to be consistently met or they are not doing their job properly and that negatively affects the business and the rest of the team.

1. Employers need to be especially understanding and grateful to employees still working, who are picking up the slack for those not being as productive because of DC at home/furloughed for childcare reasons despite their still being work. And actually need to consider financially compensating them for the high level of extra work and overtime and/or promise to look at these people first for upcoming promotions as as they have shown serious dedication to the business.

1. Employers should not be allowing parents to choose not to send DC to school when they can if it continues to affect the parents productivity level.

I understand this is a hard time for everyone, and parents do have it hard with few childcare options for DC, however that is not the problem of their colleagues and they should not be negatively affected by being expected to work far far more for no extra gain. My housemate and I are stressed beyond belief both having to work 10-12 hours every day for what would be a 9-5 office job in order to pick up the slack for colleagues whilst not being paid anymore whilst these colleagues are only completely 4-6 hours a day yet continuing to be paid the same as us. And on top of this are expecting it to continue despite their child being able to go to school soon because they are choosing not to send them.

[RibenaMonsoon]

Who are you to decide?
All you've done in your post is indicate that OP does have the short end of the stick. Perhaps you should also take heed of your own words.


If you are on full pay and a colleague is in a less desirable position and are struggling (maybe they are furloughed on 80%), should YOU personally, as a worker, help top their wages up to pay their mortgage for the house they chose to live in?

Not sure what you mean here. If it's out of taxpayers money then yes. The furlough scheme is there for anyone in need of it. That's the point. As a taxpayer myself I'm fine with that.

Why you would ask someone working on full wages to give their money to people on furlough is just a ridiculous and irrelevant hypothetical situation that has nothing to do with what's being discussed here. It's the workload that's in question.

[Tappering]

I still don't like the idea that OP owes parents some kind of debt for the future, though

No, I agree.

However going back to the OP's point, YABU and YANBU. Fair enough to be pissed off, but you need to direct this at your employer. The majority of working parents I know are desperately trying to juggle WFH and homeschooling. I manage a number of people with young children and many of them are feeling the pressure at the moment - with the most common feedback being that they feel they are being shit parents and also not delivering at work but feeling completely torn in two.

I think the thing to recognise is that everyone will have life circumstances at some point - whether it's the pressures of parenting, or caring for a relative or loved one, or a divorce, or a bereavement, or financial problems or ill health... We all have lives, and being understanding and flexible with people when things are tough - as they are in particular for working parents right now - goes a long way.

If you are working over and above your hours, then you need to discuss this with your boss. They have a duty to ensure your wellbeing.

[opticaldelusion]

What's your solution, OP? That women (parents) don't work full time?

[RedToothBrush]

I have a tiny violin for anyone who doesn't get why it is just so stressful for parents and whinges about it being unfair that they are having to do extra work.

[bestlifetime]

What happens if you just work your hours and log off? The parents are doing as much as they can and then stopping.

I bet you are doing too much, somethings aren't necessary, prioritise and just work your hours. If your boss has an issue say it's mental health / internet slows at 6pm when everyone starts streaming tv or if you are in work just go home as usual. Don't sell your soul for work probably won't work if your a nurse but I'm guessing you're not

[Dontforgetyourbrolly]

Those on furlough looking after kids are not having a grand old jolly up I can assure you.
I did/ do feel incredibly guilty that my colleagues are picking up the slack for us furloughed folk and have messaged them to convey my thanks .
I don't think anyone would choose this situation, any of it . Covid/ schools closed / furlough. ( I want to work !)
Its rubbish all round .

[rottiemum88]

*I don’t think you can judge, OP, until you’ve actually experienced what it’s like to have a child.
*
This, 100%. You have absolutely no idea how you sound right now to parents who are also struggling.

DH and I are both currently WFH full time whilst trying to parent DS (16 months). It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do and I hate it every single day. Feel like a shitty mum and a shitty employee and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it. Grandparents can't help with childcare, not allowed. Can't send DS to nursery. We didn't make the decisions we did about our careers with any idea that this was on the horizon, but now we're stuck. Personally, I'd much rather be furloughed for childcare reasons than feel the daily guilt I do that my colleagues are having to pick up my slack, but my employer isn't furloughing anyone 🤷🏼‍♀️ I suppose maybe in your view I should request unpaid leave, but I aired it as a suggestion with my manager and she said she'd rather some productivity than nothing.

I sort of get that you feel stressed and overworked right now, but I'd bloody kill to be in your shoes and one day if you do have children you'll realise how naive your comments were

[Tappering]

Forgot to add - I don't have DC (by choice) and am also working much longer hours as a result of colleagues or some of my line reports not being available to do their full hours. I don't resent them though, it's not their fault, they didn't ask for this and we're all just trying to get through as best we can.

[MargeryB]

I sympathise OP. But by doing the actual hours you are facilitating your management to let this continue. You should stand your ground and be offered overtime/flextime/option to just do your own work. Once schools are open (or now for keyworkers) this is a choice situation and employers should/will start to handle things differently.

Just wanted to let you know not all parents are taking the piss, where I work everyone where I have the insight is pulling their weight, it can be done. Little kids do pull more time in the day, but they sleep more which means you can catch up at night. Not much fun, but doable (babies under a year aside perhaps), especially if there are two of you.

[ForgotAboutThis]

Like a lot of parents I'm going to be taking a chunk of unpaid time off soon, for Parental Leave. If your colleagues do that, I would put a wager on that your employer will still not pay you any more than they currently do, and you will be expected to pick up even more work. The problem here is who you work for.
I would also guess that a fair number of people in that position will be signed off sick. Being forced to send my child in to a potentially dangerous situation would give me anxiety to the point that I would be too unwell to work. Same for some other parents I guess. You also won't get paid more if all your colleagues go off sick.

People are not robots.

[baskininjoe]

@Burplecutter I aM not generalising at all, I'm speaking of the situation I and my housemate are in and experiencing right now.


I have never once said all parents are completing less or substandard work. I am commenting on the ones in my workplace who I know are and even then I am fully empathising how hard it must be for them.


It really is horrible to wish misfortune on anyone else, and I think that says a lot about you as a person. It really is cruel and rude. Especially when I have not attacked or wished any misfortune on you, I am wishing for a positive outcome for all, just can't quite work out what that is yet.

Nor have I told anyone to suck it

[MashedPotatoBrainz]

Everyone is supposed to be pulling together right now. Some people are volunteering to do other's shopping. Some giving extra to do testing. Some working extra shifts to cover staff shortages. Some returning to old frontline jobs. Others taking a bit of extra work to support colleagues with children at home.

Others just moan about having the short end of the stick.

[SummerHouse]

@FrankieKnuckles

But there is a large societal benefit from vulnerable children, or the children of critical workers, attending school: local authorities and schools should therefore urge more children who would benefit from attending in person to do so.

This is in the document 'our plan to rebuild'. I don't really see that a school could not take your children given this advice.

[Babymamaroon]

Spend a week in the shoes of those trying to juggle work and children at home all day every day.

Come back to us in a week and see if you're still complaining.

You need to work on your emotional intelligence and realise life isn't all about you. Life is shit for everyone working right now. Be grateful all you need to do are a few more hours for full pay.

[m0therofdragons]

It sucks but to be honest most things about this situation suck. I have 3 dc and am going to the office 5 days a week (Hospital based). Dh is fully wfh in high pressure job which he cannot do badly or others are seriously affected. Dc are pretty good but need help with school work so wfh is not the easy option. I’m not jealous of dh and he is working all hours. I’m much happier going into work and would feel seriously down if I felt my output was poor.

[TeaPleaseBob]

Global pandemic = shit for everyone

Both myself and my husband are keys workers so still working, him full time and me part time working shifts around each other. School/ nursery not an option due to shifts worked and my youngest has never been in a nursery so this really wouldn’t be the time to force that upon her as well as the rest of her life changing beyond recognition.

In some ways we are lucky as both still getting some normality by working and no money worries. We have a garden and nice house, plenty of entertainment for days off and the children have each other/ toys/ tablets etc to occupy their time. There are many many people in far shittier circumstances to us in normal life never mind the pandemic and I’m truly worried about the impact this is going to have on individuals and families already struggling.

I understand you’re frustrated OP but take your issues up with your employ like a grown up and don’t whinge about others having it easy. If you don’t want to work 12 hour shifts and that’s not in your contract then you have to take responsibility and fight against it, involve your union they’re still working. I work in a job that over winter sees us working late and not taking breaks but I love my job and the summer tends to balance that out a bit so we put up with it.

[Dylaninthemovies1]

I hope you’re not one of my colleagues! I am contracted to work 30 hours a week: usually over 4 days. But at the moment I am logging 35 hours a week easily each week. Line manager told me to just stick to my contracted hours though last week. My colleagues may think that I’m logging off early, but I’m also starting work at 630 am most days and logging on in the evening to catch up.

[Sandybval]

Right now I'm crossing my fingers and making a special wish that when you do have children your employer chastises you for having to sometimes take things a bit easier with work and put your children first. With a side serving of rewarding your current colleagues who have children for picking up your slack because their children are no longer at such a needy age. Get over yourself and get some wider perspective regarding what your future will be like. I don't want another pandemic but if we get one I bloody well hope we get one when you have 3 kids under 7 and your colleagues tell you to suck it.

Really constructive input there, I feel that added something to the conversation. Or it just showed you to be nasty, what a thing to say.

[m0therofdragons]

Oh and I’m bloody grateful I have a job, although currently concerned I’ve brought covid home as dh is now unwell and I’m the only one who has left the house. Next week I’ll be wfh as we obviously all have to self isolate. I’m dreading it!

[RedToothBrush]

even then I am fully empathising how hard it must be for them

No.

No you are not.

If you have kids in the future, you will have a huge shock about balancing work and home life without the present conditions to throw in the mix.

You problem is with your employers. Not other employees. Your jealousy at fellow employers is just that jealousy.

[LaurieMarlow]

To pick up on some of your points OP ...

Employers need to be understanding but also firm with parents that although some productively will be affected by having DC at home, a certain level still needs to be consistently met or they are not doing their job properly and that negatively affects the business and the rest of the team.

What if this ‘certain level’ adversely affects the children in their care? Is it still reasonable to expect it? What if it means parents are running on five hours sleep a night and heading for burnout? Is that reasonable?

Employers should not be allowing parents to choose not to send DC to school when they can if it continues to affect the parents productivity level.

What about those with vulnerable children? Can they just not work for the foreseeable?

[SospanFrangipan]

I have a 3 year old at home, DH is back at work, and I am also working from home 3 days a week. I think the I pretty much have the short end of the stick trying to keep things going whilst full time members of staff have been furloughed, and are currently earning more than I am for sitting on their arses!

[Burplecutter]

Your whole first post totally stinks of a massive whiff of this is my experience so this is how it is for everyone.

[Floofsquidge]

I sympathise OP but being this resentful of your colleagues is not healthy, and it's your employer's responsibility to address your concerns before they spread like a disease and land you in hot water if you blow your top. I also don't think your experience is typical across the board.

I have a very active 1 year old my partner & I have to take turns to watch while we work, and both work during naps. As a result, we both end up working well into the evening and barely see each other until it's time for bed. We are just existing, trying to get our work done, until this situation ends. We are not lounging about like it's a holiday, thanks.

In terms of forcing parents to send their children back to school at the earliest opportunity, you obviously have more faith in the current government than I do. I wouldn't trust BoJo as far as I could throw him.

[RedToothBrush]

And if you think that penalising parents / giving more to childless employers will help your situation, then I hope that you are in a position where you aren't the one who gets made redundant or end up with even more workload after parents quit.