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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder what people think of those shielding now

201 replies

Flamingofolie · 17/05/2020 10:52

I've seen the shielding mentioned negatively 3 times this morning. What do you think, they get preferential treatment? They're just doing as they're told? It's just an excuse to avoid work?

To clarify I'm talking about those who have been explicitly told to shield, not people who have decided to do so of their own accord.

OP posts:
StayinginSummer · 17/05/2020 14:46

I’m concerned too. Those shielding aren’t having a great time on the whole. They can’t even go out for a walk!

My mother and best friend have been locked in by themselves for 10 weeks. One has a wife and family but has to do it. Both would probably die if they could Covid. I feel incredibly lucky not to be shielded but some of the comments in RL and on mumnset - the continual ‘think of the economy’ ‘it’s only a small minority who die’ ‘they would die anyway’...

It’s shocking.

frippit · 17/05/2020 14:51

My husband has to shield, severe copd, immune system working at 40% according to his consultant, and type 1 diabetic all of his life.
Luckily I can work from home for now. We never go to the shops and have supermarket deliveries and friends to run errands. We've been socially distancing for several years we have no choice. Flu etc could kill my husband. He's had sepsis 3 times which nearly did.
We basically risk assess everything we do. Haven't seen our granddaughters or children since February. We will see how it all develops and make decisions accordingly.

DKanin · 17/05/2020 15:13

These strange attitudes towards people who are shielding are ridiculous.

I am - it's horrible. But I'm not receiving any preferential treatment. I'm not guaranteed a delivery slot, I normally get my shopping delivered because I can't walk or carry it but I'm struggling to get slots at the moment as not everyone who is shielding is guaranteed one, so it's making things incredibly difficult for me. It makes no difference to me claiming extra money because I'm not entitled to anything and I don't normally claim anything. It's basically the same as normal but struggling without all the things that would normally help me manage being possible.

A lot of people shielding are frail and struggling to manage without the help they normally get so anyone making spiteful remarks about their situations really should fuck right off.

lljkk · 17/05/2020 15:25

I don't have any opinions on most people shielding.

I can just about rustle up an opinion on exactly one person who is basically shielding (but they didn't get a letter). It's a woman who is hiding in an annexe of her house away from all other family members. It's decades since she had any treatment for her chronic asthma. Has decided that her asthma makes her very high risk so she must have no contact with rest of household (they are key workers, delivery business). I think it's kind of strange she decided her asthma doesn't need regular treatment but even so it puts her in grave danger from covid. I believe she's still working, but obviously dependent on the whole world bringing her food. She is not my problem so I don't think about it much.... except the contradictory thinking part.

Original poster
Flamingofolie · 17/05/2020 16:07

Frippit that sounds very difficult Flowers

OP posts:
IrmaFayLear · 17/05/2020 16:11

At the start there were quite a few mealy-mouthed comments about delivery slots and some sort of envy of getting the shielding text/letter. I saw people saying "Where's my letter?" or "I rang the GP to demand..." or even, "I'm overweight, I should be in the shielded category". I don't think they had computed that it was actually "The text of doom" as it was basically saying that if you got Covid you were likely to suffer very badly and to be blunt more likely to die.

I don't think there's any disablism - as another poster claimed - if anything it's quite the opposite and it's a "I don't believe you-ism" as most shielders have invisible risk factors such as breathing issues, immune disorders/treatments/cancer treatments etc etc. I have seen cross registered disabled people asking why they're not shielded, but having a blue badge does not necessarily mean that you are susceptible to the worst effects of Coronavirus.

I don't like people complaining about the government box. The food is perfectly fine. It's quite spoilt, actually, to moan about a FREE box. Have some common sense and realise that the box is not going to contain stuff that will go off quickly. Likewise the idiot I saw whining in the local paper that he wants meat and takeaways. Strewth.

EatShitBoswell · 17/05/2020 16:30

"Why do people always have to worry about what others think?
If you've been told you to shield then shield."

More to the point, why do people always have to worry about what other people do?

The people making shitty/judgemental remarks are the ones causing the 'worry'.

Anyway OP I don't really think anything tbh, if it came up I'd assume they were doing what they needed to keep safe.

MereDintofPandiculation · 17/05/2020 16:33

Complaining about food boxes - consider it from the other side - if you've been stuck at home for two months already and it's likely to go on for probably a year or two years, food becomes quite important in trying to put little highlights into your everyday life. Having to rely on a government box, or volunteers who can get sniffy about bringing stuff that they don't regard as "essential" just adds to the misery.

IrmaFayLear · 17/05/2020 16:40

But we've only been shielding a few weeks. I agree the same old food after two years might be a cause for complaint, but it's a bit early to moan just yet.

I got a slot with every supermarket. (Of course I only chose one!) But I got an email from all the big ones. Last week even Waitrose joined in! The local pharmacy showed no hesitation in delivering - I just rang and paid - or Pharmacy2U will deliver repeat prescriptions.

I understand that frail and alone people or those who are too old to use the internet (who would be over 85? My 93-year-old aunt is a demon internet user) may have trouble coping, but those of shielders who were "previously" bowling along (fairly) nicely should be able to manage with the help that is available.

Difficultcustomer · 17/05/2020 16:53

I generally don’t think about them much. I feel so lucky not to be in the group. I’m wondering what will be in place for shielded children/those living with relatives that are shielded.

Some schools/SLT don’t seem to have mustered stuff while all children are away. Some have been much more proactive but from the threads I can see that teachers that care a great deal are worried how they will teach face to face and support the shield group.

FuzzyPuffling · 17/05/2020 16:53

Considering we are now having "war on fat" it would be good if the food box contained healthier contents...brown bread, rice and pasta instead of white, more fresh vegetables, greater variety of products each week and maybe some vitamin D supplements? And a vegetarian option.

Original poster
Flamingofolie · 17/05/2020 16:53

IrmaFayLear yeah shielding is wonderful. I'm coping really well at the prospect of not seeing my boyfriend for potentially another 12 weeks.

Its been 8 weeks already for most, some more. That's not a short amount of time.

OP posts:
BeforeIPutOnMyMakeup · 17/05/2020 17:03

@MereDintoofPandiculation my food box wasn't exactly the same every week.

I suspect for the first 4 weeks they were getting rid of catering supplies as I got a kilo of carrots every week plus the sauces, bread, rice, canned vegetables and biscuits varied. I actually got individual wrapped hotel biscuits.

The last two weeks I received it I apart from getting a massive onion once it was the same.

I ended up giving some of it away to someone else I know who is vulnerable in a different way and a food bank. The food bank didn't need some of the items so I ordered things they needed as part of my recurring Asda slot.

FeedMeSantiago · 17/05/2020 17:05

People who are shielding can leave the house if necessary. My Aunt is shielding due to chemo, but has to leave the house to have the actual chemo, and she has to have regular blood tests too.

I can sympathise with someone shielding going for a walk if they live somewhere quiet and rural and can do so without seeing anyone else.

DamnYankee · 17/05/2020 17:06

I've only seen criticism of the healthy-but-fearful posters who ask AIBU not to go back to work, but don't really want suggestions on how they could creatively fulfill family obligations and work obligations.

They shoot down every good idea: "No, I can't...No, that won't work..."
They are very apologetic, but clearly just want people to agree...

vdbfamily · 17/05/2020 17:16

people advising OP not to walk need to understand that sheiding letters are advisory, not legal. I know people advised to sheild who are continuing to work in frontline NHS jobs. I was heartened to see on the recent BBC 2 programme re Covid 19, that one of the patients followed was just post transplant surgery and got Covid 19. He was very poorly but pulled through. I have seen very elderly patients with underlying conditions survive Covid. If OP wants a walk, she should us have a walk.

DissociatedDinosaur · 17/05/2020 17:23

@IrmaFayLear A few weeks?

I have been shielding for ten weeks. I have another twelve weeks to go (minus a few days now). I think I (and others) are well within our right to say we are fed up.

I do worry about those who are shielding unnecessarily. They must have some serious anxieties to willingly put themselves through this, particularly as they have no protection with regards to jobs/income. My official shielding letter should give me some protection for work, but I am still extremely concerned about the job situation. I don't think it's fair to judge these people because rightly/wrongly they clearly have grave concerns about them or their loved ones catching Covid.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 17/05/2020 17:27

I'm shielding. Had my second letter this week. No idea what this will mean in terms of my job. Haven't been able to get supermarket delivery slots - apparently there are none and that's that.

I'm sick of seeing on MN the assertion that everyone who is shielded was going to die within the next year anyway and already claims benefits. Many MNers have no idea what conditions cause you to be shielded clearly.

Original poster
Flamingofolie · 17/05/2020 17:31

Had my second letter this week

Does it reset the shielding clock so to speak? No one seems sure.

OP posts:
FuzzyPuffling · 17/05/2020 17:34

Agree, hearhooves and lumping all the shielding in with all the elderly and assuming they are the same group.

middleager · 17/05/2020 17:35

I hate the way the term ‘shielding’ is mis-used, I’ve lost count of the number of staff I’ve had telling me that some relative of theirs is shielding when on questioning they aren’t.

This. My stepmother has told my dad she's shielding. She is 60 with no underlying health issues.
He is over 70 and healthy, but has been told that as she is shielding, he must. He is not allowed a daily walk. He loves walking.

MintyMabel · 17/05/2020 17:38

What part am I unreasonable for?!

Why post in AIBU if you aren't prepared to be told YABU

Original poster
Flamingofolie · 17/05/2020 17:42

Minty, I dont mind being told I'm unreasonable but it was a very strange response with no explanation.

OP posts:
Original poster
Flamingofolie · 17/05/2020 17:42

He is over 70 and healthy, but has been told that as she is shielding, he must.

Is there no way of distancing within the house?

OP posts:
Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 17/05/2020 17:55

Does it reset the shielding clock so to speak? No one seems sure.

According to my GP no. He said that shielding is currently only going on until 30th June and government have yet to advise what happens after that. He said at least twice a week they get different instructions sent to them telling who to now include, or exclude. So, you might be told to shield this week and then told not to next week.

I had a letter sent to me in March and that said to shield for twelve weeks. The one I got this week said it's now extended to 30th. June but some people are only just getting shielding letters and they still say twelve weeks so people are taking it as twelve weeks from now. My GP said it's wrong and should still only be until 30th June when more advice is issued. But who knows? It's a huge mess