How often do you play with your 4/5 year old?

[Losingitihope]

I feel really bad admitting it, but I hate playing with my child, I always have. I do sometimes bake, encourage verbal ‘games’ but don’t often play in the more traditional sense.
He doesn’t like to play alone and loves company, but I find playing so draining. I feel like I always say I can’t when he asks or I’ve got something else to do. But ultimately I just really don’t like it.

I know it’s so horrible and selfish of me and every night I regret that haven’t played that day and worry that will affect our future closeness.
Is anyone else like this? How long do you spend a day roughly playing with your 4/5 year old? His dad is amazing and plays a lot with him. Am I the only terrible mum?

I spend hours playing with my 5yo in various ways. As her younger sister is getting older they play more together but often fight too.

I find it hard keeping on top of housework etc as play seems to be the main thing I do and I get frustrated at that sometimes. Back in the 1950s kids would be out playing together on the street. Parents wouldn't be entertaining them.

We should have a balance of parent play and letting them play independently. It's different in lockdown as they are not getting play with friends in the same way so they need more attention.

This thread has made me feel a lot better that I'm not the only one who feels like this. Feel guilty some days that I haven't played with DS very much.

He will play on his own quite happily sometimes (has got much better as he's got older at this) but I die a little bit inside when he wants to do role play games as I have no imagination what so ever and find it very repetitive and boring. All he wants to do is play restaurant. I really can't do playdoh as it makes me feel physically sick, and he doesn't want/need help doing jigsaws anymore and prefers to do them all on his own, so my only involvement is really enthusiastic praise when he's done them all.

We bake together and I will play things like snap, naughts and crosses, colouring, Lego, reading etc. DH is much better at role play games and he does all the fun rough play stuff with him too.

I can't stand imaginary play, plus DS gets cross because I'm doing it wrong. Now I just ask him about his game now and then, but leave him to it.

We do crafts or baking together, or puzzles and board games. When we could go out, I pushed swings, petted farm animal's and went swimming with him etc. So we do still spend time doing things together each day.

I have an only child who is 4 next month. We have to play with him for hours, I hate cars and trains which he loves but I enjoy playmobil, Lego, playdough, painting and baking. We normally have a good dance too. DP thinks because I don't play cars when he asks then I'm a bit mean but I just can't do it. It's sooo boring!

Luckily DP is home and he is a big kid at heart and enjoys cars and trains. We don't really have a choice about playing as he asks non-stop and I can't say no to him when we are the only interaction he has had for 9 weeks.

Absolutely hate imaginary play. I don't mind constructing things, board games, drawing, crafts, baking, reading. But I will not pretend to be something etc. I didn't like it as a child and I don't like it now.

I've grown to love imaginary play. I've done it with both my DDs but more so with DD2 who's now 11 and we still play Barbies! Not so much these days but we had a good half hour this morning. We came up with a story along the same lines as Billionaire Boy. I get really into it and it has really sparked her (and my) imagination. It will be a sad day when we pack the dolls' house away for good :(

We also sometimes make up role play and record ourselves performing the script! Can't imagine not playing with her, but it's not something you automatically love. Don't think I'd be so good with boys!

I hate imaginary play too, but will do a bit every day, maybe an hour in total. I enjoy doing other things with my kids though - board games, jigsaws, baking, Lego etc - and read and chat to them a lot. Just hate hate hate the imaginary stuff.

Not at all, that’s what she’s got her 6 year old sister for! I play board games/bake/do crafts/read but I don’t play.

I don't enjoy the role play but I understand that its a form of play DS should be engaging in with other children and is being denied that due to lock down, therefore I see it as my duty as a parent to tolerate a limited amount of it. I find I can usually distract him away but extending the play into a related ctivity I find easier eg "let's play octonauts and rescue my seal!" - play for a few mins then remind him that captain barnacles uses the Gup A and suggest we go and paint one/make one from junk.

I don't actually mind Lego, brio, board games, craft activities, baking, play do, so yes I play with him doing these.

If you don't like any of the activities children spend their time/don't like spending time with your children on it does sort of beg the question why did you want children?

It really isn't sad that grown adults find playing "tea party" tedious. We're parents - not playmates. Playing is for children. If I feel like joining in I will (and do) but not for hours every day. I find my presence ruins their imagination/flow a lot of time, particularly when they're younger.

Don't feel bad OP. Once you're engaging with your child in other ways (reading/talking/going for walks) and showing an interest in them, then there really is no need to bore yourself to tears being bossed about by an over zealous shopkeeper

It really isn't sad that grown adults find playing "tea party" tedious. We're parents - not playmates. Playing is for children.

Many don't have playmates at the moment, though. There are loads of only children out there who probably haven't played with another child for ten weeks or more.

Nobody's saying you have to enjoy it, but surely you suck it up and do it all the same?

Most of us aren't saying we dont do it just that we dont like it. And to the pp asking how we fill the day well I'm a single parent and still working from home full time so sadly he gets a lot of screen time at the moment but not much can be done about that. As soon as I'm not working he wants to play but its generally to play dinosaurs which is basically just us both running in circles being different dinosaurs....I'm pretty tired most of the time so I do find it tough to stay motivated to play but that's why I like to encourage crafts and colouring so mummy can sit down

Most of us aren't saying we don't do it just that we don't like it

I was referring mainly to the PP who openly said they never played with their DC because they couldn't be arsed.

I agree OP. I lost my sense of 'play' decades ago. I prefer when they are a bit older and can play board games etc. Making fairy cakes or doing jigsaws is much more tolerable than role play imo.

I can't stand imaginary play but I do it now and again out of guilt. Mainly tea parties or looking after her baby dolly. I feel especially bad about it just now as she has no one else to play with except her baby sister, who is too little really.

I much prefer crafty things or building with duplo, playing ball etc

My DS who is 4 is incapable of playing by himself for more than 5 minutes. He's always asking me to play with him and it's generally either doctors (but I always have to be the doctor and he's "poorly"), transformers which is literally me having to follow him about with a transformer toy while he says "transform" and we change them from their vehicles to the robots and back again, on repeat. Or things like "babies and toddlers" (his title!) but lately he refuses to be anyone other than "a little boy" and I still have to be "mummy" even though his baby is a stuffed dog it's all so boring and repetitive (and frustrating as he never takes on any of my suggestions that he might be the doctor/daddy etc) but I do it because I love him!

I am really trying to encourage independent play though as it's gotten very suffocating, so tips welcome!

Rather then encouraging independednt play, think about how you can etend that play. So if they like tea parties, talk about the food you may eat. Make invitations for your party. Extend it to making some sandwiches ect, talk about the different kinds of food.

Superhero,s.. Make masks, make cloaks, think about what would be the superpower, what would be their supername.

Pirates.. make hats, boat, swords, read pirate stories. Sing pirate songs..

@june2007 that is good advice actually, I may try and do that