How often do you play with your 4/5 year old?

[Losingitihope]

I feel really bad admitting it, but I hate playing with my child, I always have. I do sometimes bake, encourage verbal ‘games’ but don’t often play in the more traditional sense.
He doesn’t like to play alone and loves company, but I find playing so draining. I feel like I always say I can’t when he asks or I’ve got something else to do. But ultimately I just really don’t like it.

I know it’s so horrible and selfish of me and every night I regret that haven’t played that day and worry that will affect our future closeness.
Is anyone else like this? How long do you spend a day roughly playing with your 4/5 year old? His dad is amazing and plays a lot with him. Am I the only terrible mum?

Agree, role play is my worst nightmare but once I psych myself up for it I can do 40 mins or so.

I will literally play ANY other game happily but role play makes me want to cry,

To be fair, dislocatedeyeballs, most people have said they are more than happy to play other games and do other activities, and do. I will do all of the things you mention, gladly, but my four year old wants nothing but drinking imaginary cups of tea. So, we are at an impasse 🤷‍♀️ Trying to find a balance here.

Imaginary play is ok if its hospitals🤣🤣 I get to lie on the sofa and dd will put plasters and bandages on me.
Shops and dolls is shite because I need to remember all her made up rules and look as if I'm enjoying it.

I will play in the garden with a football also Lego, glittery crafts and baking.

I’m a terrible person, I don’t play with my kids often. I literally can’t. I know they’ll hate me for it :(

I do about six hours a day playing with my four year old in lockdown, five days a week. My husband does most of the weekend playing.

These are games like: racing cars, playing superheroes, hide and seek, reading books, Lego, trains, chase. I have a baby to look after too so she feeds and watches her brother. The remainder of his twelve hours a day awake time is things like watching TV, going for a walk, eating, bath. How do you fill the day if you’re not playing with him, what does he do?

Love playing with my grandchildren.
Airplanes are a favourite. I’m either the pilot, or the passenger, or cabin crew.
Then we play shops or tea parties.
I must be very easily pleased because I love it.

I spend very little time playing with mine because he chooses go play with brother who is 2. The 2 year old asks me to play more often.

I wouldn’t say I played loads with my son. We always read every night for up to an hour, we’d bake cornflake cakes and he liked hide and seek which was no mean feat in a small two bed flat 😂 He was never really one for hours and hours of board games so I was just lead by what he liked to do.

I'm glad this thread has come on as I dislike the imaginary play with my dc. Will encourage drawing, making/ baking but it's also the role play games.

I also think did my parents play like with that with us? As i can only remember playing with my sister and cousins. Don't think it was the done thing in the 80s and I know I wasn't neglected, think we did more activities as a family.

Though it does make me sad my dc is an only one and has no sibling to play with, and even more so with lock down.

I think it’s a little sad that people won’t play because they don’t like it, that’s not really a good enough reason.

I’m a little shocked by this thread, don’t we all do things for other people in our families that we would rather not? But you just do because you love and respect each other.

Dad cleans the kitchen but would rather be building something in the garage

Mum plays with the kids but would rather be having a nap

Kids tidy their rooms and help with the gardening but would rather be playing dress up.....you just do things for one another now and again, that’s the life of being apart of a family

I hate imagination play and can only do it for a few minutes before I lose the will to live. My DM can do it for hours and it's yet another reason we're really missing her.

I do try to play board games, do puzzles, colour, bake, play video games, do Lego, watch films, play ball outside and so on with DD6... but her not quite 2yo brother always gets in the way, ruins the game or needs my attention. His nap is very short now and the time between them going to bed is always spent reading with her, so we never get enough time at the moment. The guilt is immense! Hoping it gets better as he gets older.

Hugely sad that people dislike playing with their children. Everything they do should be a form of play when they are tiny - how much learning are they missing out on because parents can’t be bothered?
Surely when you decide to have children it’s not about what you like but what your children need?

All I get at the moment is 'Mummy, pretend I'm Elsa and you are Anna.' It drives me crazy but I'll dip in and out with the odd 5 mins. She's happy that I'm being 'Anna' and she carries on the play on her own once a story is established. Sometimes I'll just talk to her whilst cleaning the kitchen etc. You don't have to be full on dressed up and rolling around the floor, they just want some acknowledgement of what they're doing. Remember they usually do a lot of this with friends at school and it's very important for their development.

Try the Five minute mum book or Instagram account. She has games which take no longer than 5 minutes to set up and so if kids aren't interested it's no big deal. My son loves her games and it gives me a few minutes to myself or we play them together. Otherwise it's hours of 'trains and dinosaurs' in my house which I do for a bit if I have the time but gets a bit samey after a while.

She also has tips about encouraging independent play.

Playing with your kids with full attention for 5 minutes a few times a day is apparently enough that they get benefit from it. Which is better than them feeling like you never play or you hating playing shops again for hours.

I’m with you. I will do crafts, Lego, baking and board games till the cows come home but I cannot bear the imaginary shite. And why do they always talk in American accents??

Tbf ds4 is very independent with a vivid imagination so he will be sat in the playroom for hours building his own little world, i just have to listen every now and then as he explains whats going in. Apart from that we do craft now and then and he helps in the kitchen. I think it just depends on the child really as well. Would love to play more with ds but i get told to go away

@WelcomeToTheNorth my dc always use dollars when we play shops.

I try to play a bit everyday as I remember how much I wanted my mum to play when I was younger.

I've always been pretty good at playing games with my 5yo but during lockdown it is getting too much. I'm more then happy to bake and craft, we do puzzles and read together to. Currently I do 30mins of imaginary play after dinner and I try and fo 30mins during the day to. I feel on a night time to cos I know she'd happily play all day long. When we go for walks she always wants to be an adventurers or some other character which is fab but I'd love to just switch off and enjoy the walk every now and again. I love her to bits but she talks none stop 6am-7pm and its gets tiring trying to keep up with the characters and the game.

How much you actually need to play with them is going to differ based on circumstances.

If they have a sibling to play with, no problem if you're not doing the role play stuff.

In normal circumstances where they're playing with friends at school etc, it's fine.

If you have an only child/big age gap and are currently in lockdown then you will need to play with them a bit no matter how much you hate it because they cannot only play by themselves all day, every day for weeks on end.

'I’m a little shocked by this thread, don’t we all do things for other people in our families that we would rather not?'

Yes, and I'm sure we all do about 9 million things a day for our children that fall into this category. Sometimes pretending you're a ghost/shopkeeper/Princess for hours on end is a step too far.

I have got a lot better at this over the last year so here are some tips:
Keep trying different play until you find something bearable. Tell them you want to do something, or just sit down and do playdough or whatever, and they might well join in (like they do whenever you sit down for a cuppa )
Come up with games you can do while doing something else. Put up with whining while they learn to compromise! Eg my DS is happy for me to sit and fold washing and send him and buzz lightyear off on pretend “missions” (oh no, has gone to the shops and got lost! Buzz can you find them and Save The Day????? etc).
Timers help- or a specific activity like I will set up your train track but then I’m going to go and do the washing up... both mine slowly got more reasonable once they knew what would happen.
I have found that if I am 100% (or at least 80% ) “present” when I’m playing them they’re a lot more respectful of the time to stop. Better to have a solid block of playing and be really engaged, and then say that it’s time for you to stop and mean it, rather than to be protesting and not really playing and then not really doing your own thing either.
Hope that helps someone. The best tips though are wait for them to grow up or have a sibling to entertain them

I used to 'play' for a relatively short while IIRC. Definitely 10 minutes maximum with role-play, because otherwise my character would turn very sarcastic and homicidal. I would play board games for however long I was able though, and used to do a lot of reading to him, which was one of his favourite things.

But in general at that age he was my little shadow anyway - he was always with me if he wasn't at pre-school or napping, just chatting away and 'helping' me. I tried to make it fun, so the whole day was sort of a game in a way. And we would watch Teletubbies and I would pretend to be LaLa and he would pretend to be Po all the way through - copying what they did. Haha, happy days!

I hate it as well but do have several short bursts of play with my 4 year old every day. Usually she's happy if I give her 10 minutes or so of focused play them palm her off on her little brother to continue. Luckily she does enjoy activities that I don'tind doing with her, such as drawing, reading stories and board games. It's having to pretend to be Apple Jack that I can't stand. Her brother doesn't seem to mind always being Twilight Sparkle.

DS is just turned 6. I rarely play. We read, occasionally play a type of game (kerplunk and such like) but I never ever do imaginative games. Rarely anything like legs etc. I think children should be able to entertain thierselves.
We love going on walks and spotting different animals and spending time outside, but as for actually playing, its a no from me.
Ive even been known to distarct DS with screening when he's been wanting me to play. Its just not the kind of person I am.

*lego