To ask for a set portion of the inheritance?

[Maria53]

Hi everyone, about 6 months ago I posted about the fact my dad said he wanted to buy me a flat with the massive inheritance he received from his father. The overwhelming response from mumsnetters was to accept but I have felt a lot of uncertainty around it.

Just for a bit of background I wasnt close to my grandfather. He had a fairly tragic start to his life that I wont go into. I think in the end he felt bad that we never really had a relationship and gave the majority of his inheritance to my father with the understanding that I would see some of it.

Today my dad brought this up, saying 'it doesn't have to an amazing flat that you buy, but at least something simple you can do up'. What does that mean exactly? I would much prefer that he simply gives me a fixed sum of the inheritance that he thinks I should have. Then I can get on with looking without him becoming a big part of the process and possibly wanting a say in what I go for.

Do you think that seems like a fair request?

Ask him "what that means, exactly". How would we know?

Although I am very grateful for this offer my father has been a cheap skate all his life. I'm afraid it is true and has driven my mum mad forever.

I suspect he is going to offer a small amount. He has really given me no clue whatsoever. I would rather just have a set amount so I can then have the independence to conduct the actual search. He hasnt made any noise about sending me the money. It all seems to be down to when I am ready to buy a flat, but I dont want him to be involved in what I choose.

Buy an amazing flat.

The fact he is effectively saying a meagre flat will be fine is what makes me think a meagre sum is what he is offering. Money is such a hard topic to broach as it is.

Find something you like the look of. Not super cheap, not mega bucks. Send him the details and ask what he thinks. That will give you a steer on what he’s prepared to give you.

Yes, ask for a set sum after you've done a bit of research on prices locally. Don't set yourself up for stress.

Is he going to put some towards a flat you buy or actually pay for the flat once it's been chosen? You need an honest conversation to understand where you stand here

I wouldn't accept a penny. This is just the start, he'll continue to drive you mad. You're going to be so beholden.

I will do some research. But I dont really have much a clue about what is reasonabl? I was thinking less than 200,000 but more than 100,000...

It is not just the flat that matters to me, but the location too. There are a couple of areas that I have always preferred living in while renting.

What do you mean @cptartapp?

Just find something you like send him the details and say would you be able to give me something towards this.
Then you will hopefully get some idea of the amount he is hoping to pay and see if you can afford a mortgage for the rest.
Alternatively could you ask your mum assuming they are together.

But I dont really have much a clue about what is reasonable

It depends entirely on the market where you are. Just find a place you like, in a location you want to live. That’s the amount of money you need to buy.

Right. Go on RM. Send him some details of a couple of flats. Ask him if that is the sort of thing he had in mind

Do you know the cost of what you want?

Look around, see what you like and broach the subject. You might be thinking the same amount or way off the mark.

I would say - “Can you let me know how much you have decided to give me, so that I can start my search?”

"What's my budget?"

Be ready to propose one.

Definitely just ask what the budget is.

Just find something you like send him the details and say would you be able to give me something towards this.
Then you will hopefully get some idea of the amount he is hoping to pay and see if you can afford a mortgage for the rest.

This seems like the best plan to me.

You need to know how much a flat you’d want to live in would be first and then send the details over.

Say your ideal flat was £200k and then he said he only wanted to give you £180k could you then get a small mortgage for the difference or even a “loan” from him?

I agree with a PP who said you should find details of flats you would really like (and in the right area). Then you’ll be starting the expectations higher than if you ask him to set the budget (in which case, you could be looking at a small deposit!)

Find a flat you like then send him that along with a couple more expensive ones and ask him to help you choose - he’ll choose the cheapest flat, which just happens to be the flat you like!

Find a flat you like then send him that along with a couple more expensive ones and ask him to help you choose - he’ll choose the cheapest flat, which just happens to be the flat you like!

Good idea. Even if he then refuses, at least you'll know.

He's no doubt just had to deal with inheritance tax and is trying to avoid the taxman getting even more of the inheritance

Parent-to -offspring money gifts are taxable beyond £3,000 per annum. Anything more than that will get taxed. So maybe he wants to actually purchase the flat himself (putting your name on the title deeds) rather than incur a huge tax bill.

Why don't you  get some property details of the kind of   flats you would consider living in,  and show them to him  as a start towards  discussing  what figure he has in mind. 

   Parents can have some valuable experience to share , regarding  choosing a property to  purchase. So don't  discount his advice.

@2bazookas, yes but only if DF does not live another seven years, otherwise it drops out of his estate. There will not be an immediate charge to tax.

What area are u hoping to buy in? 150k for a flat is a lot!