Help - angry husband

[Maxigg]

Maxigg

When my DS was born, I can’t seem to move on.

After a traumatic experience, and my baby being transferred into incubator, I was sat in the room and my husband literally spent the whole time playing in his phone. I asked him to give me some attention, and to cut a long story short he hits stormed out of the room and didn’t come back all day. He left me in one of his usual anger outburst on the day our son was born and to be honest, several years on and I can’t seem to move on. EVery time I think about it I just cry uncontrollably. He thinks i started an argument, I don’t think I did. I had extreme high blood pressure (which was why I had c section), and I don’t recall fighting. Albeit he said I deserved it. I just can’t understand what man would do this to his wife

Don’t waste anymore of your life with him. Move on and leave him far behind

You'll be happier alone

Imagine being happy without worrying that your happiness might trigger one of his moods

He probably will make your life hell.

Plan as much as you can before you go xxx

@LittleMsM that is horrific. Leave him, seriously. I can’t believe he did all of that to you. Please tell someone in your life, tell your family and get out of there

Your not been unreasonable. Day we had my youngest asked my hubby for a kiss we werent on best terms he didnt and wouldnt rub my bk when in labour I mention this all.time. I also mention he dodnt get me a card after 1st baby lol

I only got married 6 months ago and to the most wonderful man. So although I'm not experienced in marriage I know what a gentleman is. I'm 42, my mum died when I was 6 (in child birth). On my birthdays, my dad usually recants the night I was conceived and the day I was born. These are such special moments for me even though I hear them every birthday. I suspect this is part of why it breaks your heart so much. Such a special and memorable day; miraculous and full of risks and unknowns. I don't know your age but you'll need to evaluate seriously. Suggest counselling but I doubt he is invested or motivated to make improvements to help the growth of your relationship. I don't know how old you are and if you still want more kids. You'll have to work hard to turn in around; especially as at this point you're the only one prioritising your marriage. With faith and work, I pray things change for the better.

Just read you've updated that you've been married 20years. That's a long time for you and the children to be exposed to this. You need to gather evidence, financial, anger and other behaviours to support your position. Please think strategically. It will help to confide in someone nearby so you can keep things if needed and so they can keep you focused for when he apologises again. Most importantly, please be safe.

It's been 20 years of this. Nothing will change for the better, things will only get worse.

Your children are growing up believing that this is how a relationship is. If you have boys they will bully their wives. If you have girls they will be submissive. They need to grow up thinking that their partners are equal to them. And this is the lesson only you can teach.

Leaving a way of life that you have know for 20 years isn't easy but you must do so for your DC and yourself.

@Maxigg, so much familiarity with my situation. Just separated from 'dh' of 20 years (at my instigation), 3 children, narcissist who makes everything about him and who manages to convince most other people that he is a humble, kind superhero. The first or second day out of hospital with my first born he called me a "stupid bitch" because I was anxious about a mole. Called me at the hospital the morning after my second child was born so he could rant at me about the behaviour of my 7 year old at home. Absolute absence of empathy - my crying only ever provoked cold scorn "Oh, don't start CRYING". Leaving was the best thing I have ever done and I wish you all the strength in the world to do the same. You and your children are worth so much more than that.

Thank you so much for your support. It really means a lot to know I’m not going insane. Right now we are apart due to COVId, as we are expats. I’m very frightened and am awaking every day in tears and fear.

I’m also so sorry so many of you have experienced such things

That's awful. So sorry that happened to you. I don't think I'd ever forgive that no matter the reason. You are right to not be over it.