Help - angry husband

[Maxigg]

Maxigg

When my DS was born, I can’t seem to move on.

After a traumatic experience, and my baby being transferred into incubator, I was sat in the room and my husband literally spent the whole time playing in his phone. I asked him to give me some attention, and to cut a long story short he hits stormed out of the room and didn’t come back all day. He left me in one of his usual anger outburst on the day our son was born and to be honest, several years on and I can’t seem to move on. EVery time I think about it I just cry uncontrollably. He thinks i started an argument, I don’t think I did. I had extreme high blood pressure (which was why I had c section), and I don’t recall fighting. Albeit he said I deserved it. I just can’t understand what man would do this to his wife

I understand you wanting to believe him, he probably sounds very believable when he apologises. But after this long, he won't change and I'm sure you know that if you're truly honest with yourself. You need to take action for yourself and for your children.

He sounds awful. You would be much better off without him

I waited years for my twat of a husband to stop pulling this kind of shit. Don’t waste your life like I have. Leave him and build a life of your own where you are not relying on someone who has all the maturity of a squid.

You refer to one of his”usual anger outbursts” and he walked out on you when you had just given birth. I think you know the answer.

So sorry to hear this but after 20 years of this behaviour he will not change now. I would be looking into divorce now, don't waste any more of your life with this awful man. Life is too short and you deserve better than this

Please contact Womens Aid and get some support.

You don’t have to live like this @Maxigg, you deserve so much more. You could have a happy life without having to put up with his anger.

Your updates clinch this, OP. That situation sounds seriously unhealthy. But the straightforward issue is that if, after such a long time, you're unable to look past this then the relationship is over.

So it's been twenty years. Don't let it be one year longer ! What a knobber he sounds!

Fucking hell. I'm sorry you've spent 20 years forgiving him, he sounds truly horrible. You are worth much more.

Start your plan and act on it
^this
this man is not in your corner or he is your opponent, do not tip him off or he will start working against you.
Have everything organised with all lose ends tied up so that you can protect yourself permanently from this toxic dysfunctional person.

I'm so sorry, you shouldn't have to stay with a man who has a foul temper. If he had come to you some time after you gave birth and apologised, saying he didn't know why he was such an asshole, etc (which does happen), it would be different but he still doesn't know how to behave. He'd have been the same with anyone. There's no doubt that some people are just not meant to be in a committed relationship or have children.

You’re still young enough to have a long and happy life with someone else. Don’t waste any more time with this loser.

OP and LittleMsM
23 years on I can’t quite get over my husband’s rubbish behaviour after my eldest son’s birth. But it was nothing compared to both of yours.
OP your husband is frightening and dangerous and you need to get out.
LittleMsM - your husband’s behaviour is disrespectful, undermining
and I am not sure I could recover any real love after that.
The real question is whether he acknowledges that he has a problem and will address it.

to cut a long story short he hits stormed out of the room and didn’t come back all day

He hits?
It this a typo?
Does he hit you?

This is no way to live! Sweet lord woman, you have one life. One! Is this how you are going to spend it? I really hope you find the strength to walk away.

He sounds a nasty twat, ltb!

I don't know why you are still with him tbh, I'd be a star shaped dot on the horizon by now.

Nasty, odious man.

Make your plans OP.

Get out.

YABU to keep bringing it up. If he felt it was causing a arquement it was proibably best to walk away.

Start to imagine a life without him, OP. How would you feel if he didn't live with you?

Do you and/or your husband work? Is your home rented or mortgaged?

Please don't tell us he's a good father.

Doesn,t sound like the Birth thing is the real issue here though, that was just one thing out of many for what I can gather.

Have you talked about him going on an anger management course, and is he willing to consider it?

So basically if your not attentive to him or if your in position where rightly you need to be the centre of attention (post birth, post surgery) he throws a violent temper tantrum so that emphasis is back on him.

That is not a partnership and do you want this for the next 20 years of your life?

You've spent the last 20 years putting up with his shit. Please don't spend the next 20 the same way.

A wise person once said "It's far better to actually be alone than to be wishing you were".

Please see a solicitor as soon as you can. It doesn't mean you have to do anything today or the next day. It just means getting yourself educated about divorce and about your legal position. Beforehand, try to get knowledgeable about family finances. How much money comes in and where does it go, that sort of thing.