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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is weird?

36 replies

pippil0ngstocking · 15/05/2020 16:57

Disclaimer: I'm not a parent, but don't have a decent parent to discuss this with and also this all happened before coronavirus.

My friend and I are both 17, her parents are what I consider to be incredibly strict, but she thinks they're just responsible-- not that I ever question or tease her about it, I like her parents and it's hardly my place to say anything.

She has an app on her phone so that her parents can track her location all the time, if we go anywhere but the places we specified (e.g. We went ice skating, and then went to the supermarket next-door for sweets) her parents call her right away and say she has to come home.

I think that at the age of 17 that's a lot, considering she's independent and really well organised, never ever gets in trouble, never goes to parties, or does anything even remotely dangerous.

Opinions?

OP posts:
ItchyScratch · 15/05/2020 16:59

That’s very OTT

I work with a young girl (well she’s 22 so that’s young to me)
Mans despite passing her driving test at 18 and owning a car.... her mother won’t allow her to drive it u less she is in the car with her.

She doesn’t complain about it either. I would be kicking off if it was my mum saying that. In fact I’d just take the keys and go and tell her to swivel

borntohula · 15/05/2020 17:00

She could legally move out at her age so they definitely seem OTT to me.

Original poster
pippil0ngstocking · 15/05/2020 17:02

@ItchyScratch Her parents do that too! Honestly they bought her a car and she's passed her test but they still cart her around because they're scared to let her drive.

OP posts:
Suzanne12 · 15/05/2020 17:03

I think it depends it if bothering her. If she's happy for them to know where she is at all times then there's no issue. If she wants more privacy then she needs to have a talk with them.

BreadmanAndCake · 15/05/2020 17:03

That's ridiculous. I left home and joined the Army at 17, I would have hated my parents to still have felt the need to baby me at that age.

CazzaCat · 15/05/2020 17:04

Very OTT considering she could go to uni or move out at 18 if she wanted to!

They aren’t doing her any favours, it not always good to shelter children and stop them from being streetwise.

PorpentiaScamander · 15/05/2020 17:07

Definitely OTT.

But then again my ex managers wife used to track where he was and phone if he wasn't at work and ask where he was. Not sure why he put up with it tbh.

Original poster
pippil0ngstocking · 15/05/2020 17:07

@Suzanne12 She always rolls her eyes and seems annoyed when they ring but she'd never say anything to them

@CazzaCat She's already been told she's 'not allowed' to go to uni Confused

OP posts:
Generallybewildered · 15/05/2020 17:09

My children are younger so my daughter (11) does have the location on.
I teach Yr12 so have a reasonable amount of experience with that age group.

Personally, as a parent, I would like to have that option on the phone but only check it if I was worried (eg out past curfew). Definitely at 17 I would expect students to make their own decisions about where they go without being tracked for every second.
My hubby and I (and dd) have this on our phones but I rarely look unless I’m checking to see if he’s likely to be 5 mins or he’s still at work or at the pub just so I can time things (jump in the shower and steal the hot water).

Generallybewildered · 15/05/2020 17:10

So to summarise:

  • no it’s not weird to have it
  • yes, it’s weird to monitor her every movement

Unless you’re going to drip feed and tell me a family member was attacked or something.

Meggie2008 · 15/05/2020 17:14

Maybe it's not bothering her? I wouldn't like them phoning all the time, but im 27 and couldn't care less if my parents could see where I was. I don't do or go anywhere exciting!

Zombiemum1946 · 15/05/2020 17:14

When she hits 18 she doesn't need their permission for anything. I wonder if she'll and up living with them till they die and she becomes their carer.

Notverybright · 15/05/2020 17:15

This sounds awful op. Is she from a different cultural background? Not that that would make it ok, but it might explain why she sees it as normal.

NotKeenOnSwede · 15/05/2020 17:17

Very, very unhealthy

TheGinGenie · 15/05/2020 17:19

In my experience the friends who had parents like this were the ones who went most of the rails as soon as they were able to, at uni etc. My parents used to trust me to just let them know if I didn't plan to be home that night. I appreciated this a lot and never took the piss. Other friends with stricter parents used to lie to them instead. I would have been horrified if my parents had tracked where I was. I still think these apps are creepy now. Trust is important.

MouthBreathingRage · 15/05/2020 17:20

why isn't she allowed to go to uni? What reasons have her parents given? Seems odd that her parents are so controlling about her movements, yet gave her such freedom to learn how to drive the moment she turned 17. Have they always been like this or has it just started recently?

Original poster
pippil0ngstocking · 15/05/2020 17:22

@Generallybewildered No, no, no attacks or anything.

@Notverybright Nope, she's English! Quite wealthy, if that changes anything.

@Zombiemum1946 I think she will. They didn't even want to let her go to sixth form, so I'm not sure how she's supposed to get to do anything else Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
pippil0ngstocking · 15/05/2020 17:24

@MouthBreathingRage They just think it's pointless and a waste of time, they think it's silly that I want to go and tried to convince me it's stupid. They've always been like this, for example she thought me being allowed to stay home alone at 16 was excessive and dangerous.

OP posts:
MouthBreathingRage · 15/05/2020 17:26

@pippil0ngstocking what are they expecting her to do with her adult life then?

They've always been like this, for example she thought me being allowed to stay home alone at 16 was excessive and dangerous.

More dangerous than being solely in charge of a fast moving vehicle as a teenager? How odd.

LaurieFairyCake · 15/05/2020 17:27

What are they expecting her to do as an adult? Confused

Family business?

Original poster
pippil0ngstocking · 15/05/2020 17:29

@MouthBreathingRage

I agree it's very odd, the things deemed 'dangerous' seem to be completely random. She's supposed to be a secretary because they have a family company. This seems to be the job all the women in the family have and they mostly sit at home and go shopping.

OP posts:
MouthBreathingRage · 15/05/2020 17:31

Huh, and they're not encouraging a back-up plan incase the business fails? More fool all of them. Hopefully she'll see sense when she turns 18 or so, and sees others having their own lives.

mooching · 15/05/2020 17:32

That is very OTT. As a family we share our locations with each other but that isn't to notify where we are. For instance I can see how close DH is from home for supper timing (pre lockdown, now I can see him most of the bloody time!) It was very handy when DD (13) Left her phone on the coach after a school trip as we knew where it was and if she was in trouble we would see where she was. Eldest DD is 21 and no longer lives with us or shares her location - it was her choice when she stopped.

It shouldn't be used as a spying device!

Windyatthebeach · 15/05/2020 17:32

She should leave her phone at home...

Samtsirch · 15/05/2020 17:39

She is old enough to leave home...
She should perhaps start looking into that option for when lockdown ends, if her parents raise concerns about this it would be a great opportunity for her to discuss her need / rights to more freedom and independence.