AIBU with this diet for my toddler?

[midwifeinthemaking]

I’d really appreciate any feedback back. Backstory - I live with my parents as a single parent, moving out next month all things corona permitting! But I am feeling incredibly down due to my parents’ constant criticism and remarks over what I feed my two and a half year old. I follow a vegan diet, and she eats a lot of what I eat, but if they’re cooking a roast, or if there’s a tin of tuna etc. To use up, she’ll have whatever it is, I’m not particularly strict.
An example of breakfast would be today’s - mixed fruit and seed muesli and calcium b-12 fortified almond milk, followed by half a piece of toast with PB and jam. Cue to remarks from grandmother about muesli not being suitable for toddlers, almond milk not being adequate and ‘why can’t you just use normal jam’? (I use a low sugar one just to be a bit healthier...nothing special, just a coop one!)
Last night was bean chilli with jacket potato, and again another comment about how she needed mince in there. Don’t get me started on when I made tofu with quinoa! I give her her supplements and she has two healthy snacks a day (normally rice cake and hummus, apple and PB, things like that).
I’m sorry for rambling, I just want to know if I really should be re-evaluating my child’s diet or whether I’m doing okay and feeding her right. I just feel like an incredibly terrible mother for trying to feed my child with good, nutritious food that is constantly torn apart, all whilst my parents sneak my child chocolates/extra portions of pudding etc. When I’m not looking as they feel sorry for her.
You can probbably yell isolation has made me stir crazy!

There's nothing wrong with what you are giving her. It's a lot better than feeding junk all the time.

Nothing wrong with what you are feeding her, although I would personally check the artificial sweeteners in the jam. Persoanlly I would give marmite or something else instead to avoid sugar.

Having them undermine you must be sooo frustrating! You're doing a great job trying to feed your child well.

Sounds absolutely fine. As long as you're making sure she gets everything she needs (protein etc) which it sounds like you are, you're doing the best for your DD. She sounds like she's a better eater than mine!

I am vegan, but don't feed my children a vegan diet, although one chooses to be vegetarian. My concern would be is she getting enough fat? Fat is important for small children, and it sounds like a low fat diet. Does she drink milk?

There is a really good book by First Steps Nutrition about following a vegan diet with the under fives. It is available for download here

Of course yanbu

Every time they judge, I'd be saying 'she's getting all of the correct nutrition so it's fine' and leave it at that :)

I'm just envious that your 2 year old eats healthy foods like that. At 2 my DD was eating chicken nuggets, pasta, cheese scones and not much else!

My concern would be is she getting enough fat?

That's what I thought as well. I am not vegetarian, my husband is. He eats no meat, fish or eggs, although he does consume dairy.

Fat is very important in a child's diet, and most children get a fair amount of their dietary fat from full fat milk. Where I live, dairy is also fortified with Vitamin D, which is another concern.

The only issue with a mainly vegan diet is that it tends to be pretty low fat, which is actually very important at that age. It's why you're supposed to give kids blue top milk and full fat yoghurt etc - dairy and meat are excellent sources of fat so without those I'd worry she's not getting what she needs.

Also i wouldnt worry about sneaking puddings, treats are good for everyone and raising a kid who never gets chocolate or dessert is a recipe for disaster once youre no longer 100% in control.

Thank you for all your comments :) I try to give things like avocado, nut butters, hemp and chia, coconut or almond yoghurt etc. Any other fat suggestions welcome.

The issue is also as PP said the fortified vit D in dairy. Plus calcium for bone growth. There really isnt a like-for-like substitute for dairy, id truly reconsider if i were you, just during this crucial period of development. Once she's 10ish a vegan diet should be fine.

There is nothing wrong with her diet. As it is different to what your parents fed you, they may feel defensive of their own choices - “I fed you normal jam and you turned out just fine”. So their comments aren’t criticising you, but responding to their perceived criticism by you of themselves iyswim.

It’s tough living with our parents as adults!

I’d switch the almond milk to something else, it’s not got enough fats for a growing toddler & is mostly water. Alpro soya milk 1-3 is specifically for children, extra fats & fortified with vitamins & minerals. Or fortified oat milk is next best after soya milk (both my children had dairy allergies so spoke to a dietician r.e best substitutes)

A lot of things sound wonderful nutrient-packed and healthy, Quiona is great as it's a complete protein - like dairy and meat.

However, I am sorry I don't agree with making a 2.5 yo follow a Vegan diet without a lot of research first which in the kindest way I'm not sure you've done.

First Steps is an excellent resource.

Like others have said I would question, is he getting enough fat - there is not enough fat or nutirents in almond milk dairy substitute products - you're basically feeding him a diet food - not good for a 2.5 yo. SR Nutrition on Instagram has done a lot of research on the best none dairy substitutes - I think from memory Oat milk was the best, almond milk was way down the list.

I'd also be wondering about Omega 3, B Vits, and Vit D through food (altho I expect you're probably doing a vit D substitute).

I don't agree with it, but if you're serious I think just get some really good research under your belt. Then you'll have a rebuff for your parents also.

Almond milk is not the best as it’s low fat. Was it fortified with calcium, vitamin D and iodine? I would say oatley barista or
Alpro growing up milk would be a better choice. There are lots of vegan child Facebook groups.

I don't honestly think almond milk etc has enough fat in for growing toddlers, but I think the rest is fine. DH is veggie and we eat mostly veggie food as it is easier. DD has plenty of protein from other sources, and also eats a bit of meat if I cook it. She has dairy in the form of full fat milk, cheese and yoghurts.
So it's the lack of dairy that I might rethink until your little one is a bit older. But the meals sound very healthy. As a western society, we eat far too much meat than we need to. Bean chilli is nicer!

Fwiw I know some children obviously can't have dairy, my friend uses soya as her little one can't eat dairy.

I think any diet that needs continual supplements is not one ideally suited to humans. Perhaps your parents feel the same. It's a valid opinion.

It's probably not a suitable diet if you have to use supplements, is it, really?

It can't be all that good and nutritious imo.

What about Oatley Barista milk? My son used to have a dairy intolerance and my dietician said that if I never get him onto cow's milk it's fine because Barista has the same levels of fat etc as full fat cow's milk. Double check though! My son has also always eaten loads of nuts which have good fat. I read the diet myth book recently, and I'm afraid I'm sleep deprived and cannot remember the numbers but what I recall is beans, lentils etc have similar protein levels as meat.

Watch out for sweeteners in low sugar products. Sugar isn't the enemy and far more preferable to artificial ones.

Can I just say Pulses are not on the same protein level as meat/dairy. They're not a complete protein and aren't as good - excellent source or iron though. From memory, you have to combine them. Again from memory Qunioa is the only plant-based complete protein.

Thank you for all the helpful comments 😊my sister is a registered dietician so been getting lots of good tips. You’ve made me feel more secure in my choice and I will take all feedback on board.