AIBU with this diet for my toddler?

[midwifeinthemaking]

I’d really appreciate any feedback back. Backstory - I live with my parents as a single parent, moving out next month all things corona permitting! But I am feeling incredibly down due to my parents’ constant criticism and remarks over what I feed my two and a half year old. I follow a vegan diet, and she eats a lot of what I eat, but if they’re cooking a roast, or if there’s a tin of tuna etc. To use up, she’ll have whatever it is, I’m not particularly strict.
An example of breakfast would be today’s - mixed fruit and seed muesli and calcium b-12 fortified almond milk, followed by half a piece of toast with PB and jam. Cue to remarks from grandmother about muesli not being suitable for toddlers, almond milk not being adequate and ‘why can’t you just use normal jam’? (I use a low sugar one just to be a bit healthier...nothing special, just a coop one!)
Last night was bean chilli with jacket potato, and again another comment about how she needed mince in there. Don’t get me started on when I made tofu with quinoa! I give her her supplements and she has two healthy snacks a day (normally rice cake and hummus, apple and PB, things like that).
I’m sorry for rambling, I just want to know if I really should be re-evaluating my child’s diet or whether I’m doing okay and feeding her right. I just feel like an incredibly terrible mother for trying to feed my child with good, nutritious food that is constantly torn apart, all whilst my parents sneak my child chocolates/extra portions of pudding etc. When I’m not looking as they feel sorry for her.
You can probbably yell isolation has made me stir crazy!

You poor thing. I know what it is like to have someone constantly chipping away at you, making you doubt yourself and undermining you. It's cruel and unnecessary.

Personally I think you are feeding your child brilliantly. There are millions of perfectly well-nourished people on the planet who eat a plant based diet, and you have obviously done your homework and figured out where children's nutritional requirements are different and thought about sources of fats, protein and minerals and vitamins that typically are found in eggs and meat and dairy and fish.

Very few toddlers eat a perfect diet, it is not an easy age to feed. But the important thing is to cover food groups and supplement as needed but also foster a love of healthy food avoiding a sweet tooth.

You are doing a great job, don't let the negativity drag you down or dissuade you.

I follow a vegan diet, and she eats a lot of what I eat, but if they’re cooking a roast, or if there’s a tin of tuna etc. To use up, she’ll have whatever it is, I’m not particularly strict.

So she mostly eats vegan food with some non vegan food her grandparents cook? So some meat and fish?

Sounds fine to me. The NHS says that well planned vegetarian and vegan diets are fine for children.

You need to make sure she's getting enough fat and calories as it's easier to fill up quicker on veg*an foods. Things like nut butters are good for this, as are hummus and full fat dairy, or dairy alternatives if vegan.

DH and I are lacto-ovo vegetarians and will feed our kids the same diet until they're old enough to choose otherwise.

It's because it's a reflection on their parenting choices OP.

My mum and MIL both questioned me on breathing feeding my kids past the age of one because they formula fed. I also treat McDonalds as a once in a while treat but it was a weekly meal for me growing up.

I imagine with one dietician daughter and one vegan that your lifestyles differ to your parents.

Sounds like you have a really healthy baby with a varied and delicious diet. Trust your instincts!! You're doing great.

I've just started weaning and have given my baby kale, peas, aubergine, potato, courgette etc. All I get is comments about baby rice, porridge etc! Ignore it. Different generation.

It's because it's a reflection on their parenting choices OP.

This. My grandmother FF all her babies and was anti Mum BF me, she didn't understand why Mum wouldn't choose to parent me the same way Mum was patented by her. I was bottom centile for height and weight - BF fault. Every ill I've ever had is blamed on Mum's decision to BF me for 16 months. Including a genetic disorder

Similarly my Mum won't accept the change of guidelines on weaning to 6 months, as she started me on solids at 4 months.

My PIL are very worried about our vegetarianism. We've been veggie for many years now, so they've accepted it isn't fatal, but they've been brought up with a very specific idea of what's healthy and so a deviance from that worries them. Then I think there's the thought that 'well X never did you any harm' and our decision to do Y instead is seen as a criticism of what they did, rather than a different preference, or a reflection on a change of guidelines since 1987!

I’m not a vegan, no interest at all, sorry.

What you’re feeding your toddler sounds very nutritious from an adult perspective. Don’t know enough about a little one’s needs to pass any comment on that and I very much doubt that your mum does, either.

If you’re concerned, seek professional advice, always the best bet.

A lot of people really overestimate the amount of protein children (and adults) need, which may be why they are worrying about meat. It sounds like your parents are a bit skeptic about vegan diets, but you could use NHS/British dietetics association resources to show them actual RDAs for toddlers and demonstrate she’s getting protein from nuts/beans etc. Re fats, you mentioned tuna but if you’re ok with her having some fish, mackerel and sardines are better sources of of the brain-health-supporting “healthy fats”. Ground hemp seeds are also really good for omega 3s and can be mixed in to yogurts. Vit D is a fat-soluble vitamin which is why it is most effectively absorbed though full-fat dairy consumption, but may be possible to achieve by combining the supplement with e.g avocado?

You're doing fine, ignore the interfering parents. They mean well but they're stuck in another era