To get stuff off my chest at work review?

[8feet12paws2fins]

Hi everyone.
I have a review coming up this week and despite being 30 and having worked since 15, I’ve never had a work review believe it or not.
Manager says it’s a chance to see how I’m doing and a chance for me to ask any questions or put anything forward to them that I may want to speak about.
I’ve been a bit unhappy in my job lately (have been there for 6 months and all was fine at first!) and a lot of it is through working situations and the way management deal with stuff/treat you.
They know at work that I’m an honest person and will speak my mind and stick up for myself (not in a rude way) but I just don’t know if a review is an appropriate place for me to get it all off my chest?
I know I sound stupid and I’ve been told to put stuff forward at the meeting if I need to BUT I’ve built up so much in my head that I want to unload and I just don’t know whether I should keep quiet and have a stiff upper lip about it all.
Dp says he’s been in a job he often dislikes for years, as are many people and he just gets on with it as it’s ‘part of life’.
One of my sore points is that we never get a thank you for anything! Again Dp says ‘this is the real world, bosses don’t thank their employees all the time! They need to show power and have the upper hand’. I think however that you can still have a professional relationship and there be a clear line about boundaries but a bloody thank you once in a while wouldn’t go a miss!
I don’t remember the correct saying but something along the lines of ‘you will attract more flies with honey than vinegar’?!
Anyway, I’m rambling! I’m no good at paragraphs or writing eloquently, so I apologise if this is hard to read.
In conclusion do I be completely honest at my review and get it all off my chest or just use the opportunity as them giving me feedback and I bite my tongue?
Thanks all

No it's not. A review is to review performance - there should be no surprises on either side. Schedule a separate meeting to air the problems.

Getting stuff off your chest is a bad idea, particularly the thank you stuff. It will just get the back up. and you will be seen as a winger. You need to decant your issues into practical solutions,
eg, I would like a time frame for the task given and some feedback ehen it is completed
Not vague woolly waffle. From your post I think you should make a few succinct notes and be specific. Also do the positive neg pos sandwich
eg This part of my job is going well, here is what I need to make me more productive, I am overall content with bthis aspect

I had a work review in January and used the opportunity to air a few "issues" that I felt needed addressing. It was all dealt with and came away feeling much better.
I think as long you do it in the correct manner it can be a good time to have a discussion and hopefully put things to rest x

A review is meant to be about whether you’re performing at the expected level - is it for end of probation by any chance? If so, you need to focus on demonstrating how you’ve met any objectives and performed well. It’s not really the place to have a whinge.

Six months means you have no job security really. And you need to pick your battles! I actually don’t think either of you are right - it’s a bit unrealistic to expect a thank you for lots of things, but not because they have to ‘show power’, just because you might be being a bit unrealistic.

You would be better off focusing on whether you have what you need to do your job, and showing how well you’re doing it.

If they ask you a question then I wouldn't lie, but I wouldn't go out of my way to bring it up. For example if they ask "is there anything we can do to help you enjoy the job more" you could say "well actually, I'd really appreciate a thank you when I've done something well..." I dont think this is the time to get it ALL out though.

It's ok to give a constructive example of where you feel your relationship with your manager could be improved, but unfortunately you have to word it so it is as much about you and improving your performance as it is about them. The example above about requesting additional feedback is good. I'm with your DP that you can't really complain about not being thanked enough - it's true but you won't come across well. Does your company have an employee feedback survey? I put those sorts of cultural gripes on there anonymously.

What other things are bothering you?
Is it solely that you feel unappreciated?

If so, you know the management that you will talk to - how do you think this particular feedback would be received?

I’d tread carefully if I were you - easy to have this misinterpreted.
And it might be that your manager is looking at this meeting as an opportunity to give positive feedback, which might give you a chance to reflect your own views back.

I agree with both you and your DP!

I think you need to sort out what might be comments that enhance your performance, and phrase your critique around what would get the best from you. If what you have to say doesn't have anything to do with enhancing your performance, is any of it grievance material (like bullying)? If it's neither, you suck it up in silence. You may prefer to be managed in a different way or whatever, but you have no entitlement to it, and few managers appreciate whinging. Especially, if I may be blunt, from the newbie.

And to be clear, I'm not unsympathetic. I've had jobs that I found hard work in terms of the culture of manager or organisation. But if that is the case, you start job hunting. That's what I did.

My initial feeling was definitely NOT to unload at this review as it’s inappropriate but I think I just got confused as I’ve never had one and the lines have been somewhat blurred because with all but one of the managers I get on so well that it’s like we are good friends. It felt like I would want to have a rant to them as a friend moaning about work and that’s where I knew that it perhaps wasn’t a good idea.
Some of the managers have moaned to me at work, as I have to them about certain situations and it felt very relaxed and comfortable but I know this review will take a more formal approach. Also the manager that is doing my review said to ‘make notes of anything I wanted to speak about’ so I thought, ok, he obviously wants to hear how I’m feeling as well?.
They did say long before all of this, that when we have reviews it’s our chance to say whether we are happy and whether we feel we would do better in a different role and they would look at whether it’s possible to move us to that role.
It’s not a probation @bagpusscatpuss nobody has ever been ‘fired’ there.
I did win a colleague award for my hard work but it was very much mentioned once and never again so yes it was a thank you and I appreciate that, I’m also not expecting to be continuously followed around and thanked. I just mean occasionally instead of ‘oh you’ve done that job, why haven’t you done this one yet?’ It could be a quick thank you here and there. I work hard and I work well (I’ve been told I’m valuable - I’m self deprecating so this isn’t me being big headed!).
Besides all of that, the lack of thank yous isn’t actually the only issue I have, it’s not like I’m stamping my feet and having a tantrum just because I’m not constantly thanked. There’s other things.
Again, sorry if this is hard to read.

A review at 6 months is primarily to appraise your performance. Hopefully if you are doing a good job you will get some positive feedback as well. This is not a time to list a load of grievances. How you recieve your feedback will also be noted so think very carefully how you react. Hope it goes well

If a question crops up naturally at review “have you got any ideas how we could do xx better” I think definitely put forward some positive ideas and solutions.

Or if they say “how are you finding things generally?” perhaps you could gently mention “it would be nice to get more regular feedback on how I’m performing.”

Unless you are in one of the few industries that are benefiting rather than suffering at the moment, I would keep your head down as much as possible. At six months you have no job security. You don't want to give them any excuse to get rid of you.

FWIW I think that the culture doesn't sound great. In my world people are thanked for the work they do, even if it is a standard part of the job. It's just courtesy. So you can feel aggrieved that you are not working somewhere with a culture that appreciates its people but find another forum when you have been their longer and we are not in the midst of a massive economic crisis to raise it.

Whereas I would find it a bit patronising to be constantly thanked. My point is, there’s no default here. And I think the thank-you thing may be a sign of bigger issues - if you felt appreciated you wouldn’t care so much about one tiny thing.

Right now though I think I would just keep your head down.

@Moondust001 without outing myself here, we are all ‘newbies’. As we all started at the same time. The managers came from the business but new at this particular place and every single employee bar one is new to this job.
We were supposed to have a 4 week review and then an 8 week review but we’ve been so swamped that they haven’t happened. This is just a very late review from then I think.

Then it’s definitely not the time or place to have a big whinge, sorry!

Agree with PP who said that at the moment I would probably keep my head down, especially just 6 months in.

I do agree with you that acknowledgement goes a long way but the staff awards system is certainly more than we have in place at my current job.

That said, an appraisal is about your performance so you could maybe suggest that more feedback would help your development and confidence as you would know whether you were getting tasks right, expressing the same point a bit more constructively. So, it's not about being thanked but about contemporaneous confirmation of whether you are getting the job right.

Definitely include this in the staff survey though.

I think it will depend how the conversation flows.

From the way that you have expressed yourself on here, I would advise against airing your list in this review. You should expect that they will set the tone of the meeting from the outset. In such reviews, even managers that you know well and can joke with will behave more formally. So you you cannot really plan the review discussion until you are in there and hear how formal they are being and the nature of the feedback that you are being given. Then you need to take a deep breath, consider the value of your feedback to them before proceeding. On the whole, based on your initial post though, I would advise biting your tongue lest you sound a tad petty.

@Yarboosucks I don’t think I’m being petty though. Pretty much everyone at work feels the same, to be honest it mostly revolves around one manager which none of us can change I realise but I hate the thought of just lying down and taking it all. Nobody else dares to voice their opinions to anyone except other colleagues on breaks, as they are all scared of said manager.
Drip feeding I know but I had a serious break down last year a couple of months before I started this job and my mental health is so important to me now that any slight niggle that effects my emotions, I worry about it becoming overwhelming and spiralling out of control, therefore I always feel I have to just say what I want to say to get it out there and deal with the consequences, rather than keep it bottled up at the expense of my own mental health.
In my opinion, having this job provides routine and balance which is something I also need for my mental health, I don’t think sitting at home all day with my thoughts would do me any good - however, if it’s working in a job that affects my mental health negatively or not having said job, I would choose to not have the job.

I always feel I have to just say what I want to say to get it out there and deal with the consequences

Really not a wise approach, sorry.

Maybe look up what benefits you’d be entitled to if you didn’t have the job?

I think you’re seeing things in quite absolute terms and that likely isn’t helping you.

I would just say to them that you feel you could do with feedback every now and again to make sure you're on the right track and your work is good enough.

I wouldn't say "you never say thanks", what if they then said actually your work was crap? 😂

Fuck it just say it then. Let it all hang out.

The review is really about you and your performance not a place to air grievances. Say something along the lines of I find recognition and appreciation of work done a big motivator.

At a previous job I brought up how the team spent the day walking on eggshells as a colleague was a bully and the tinest thing could trigger a screaming fit from her or she'd take a dislike to you and bully you relentlessly for a few weeks. I was just advised they where well aware of her behaviour and had attempted to manage it a few years back but since she didn't improve they decided that's just how she is and we should all try not to set her off. It was a four person team and in the 18 months I was there 9 people quit, which made her angrier as more work would be split between us until the replacement was hired.

If you're unhappy keep your head down and look for an alternative job. In my experience nothing in these reviews are actually acted upon it's just done to tick a box.