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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL and sending kids to school

72 replies

Idecide · 12/05/2020 22:06

We have 5dc. Youngest is in year 1. As soon as announcement was made last night I said 'no way is she going back' DP agreed, my parents (very involved with my dc, missing them desperately) agreed. Sorted.
DP mentioned it to MIL on the phone today and she is not happy. She thinks Boris knows best.
For context, she lives 300 miles away and has little contact with DC. Doesn't even send cards on birthdays etc.
She's since posted a FB status saying how disappointed she was with 'certain people' for mollycoddling their children and 'going against the law'.
AIBU to reply 'until my children can see my parents, who have been isolating for 8 weeks and who they desperately miss, they will not go to school and mix with people who haven't!'

OP posts:
choli · 13/05/2020 01:02

I would probably respond with statistical data where the government puts finances above the health and welfare of individuals.
It would be wiser not to respond at all.

Italiangreyhound · 13/05/2020 02:21

YANBU to want to keep your kids home and keep them safe.

You would be being unreasonable to worry about this. Do what you want. Tell or do not tell MIL. But do not engage on Facebook about this, IMHO.

Aquamarine1029 · 13/05/2020 02:45

Why do you even care what she thinks? Block her on social media and ignore.

Easilyanxious · 13/05/2020 02:50

Why not ignore it and at the same time accept that some don't agree with you and will send there's to school doesn't mean your wrong or that they are either just that it's a choice to make for your child:/children
I've seen all over Mumsnet people criticising those sending their kids as well , well guess what your kids , your choice and other people need to learn to respect other people's choices

Yeahnahmum · 13/05/2020 02:51

Just don't respond. Be the better person here. You would only make it worse. Choose to put your kids in school or to not put them in school. That is up to you. Not her. So just hide her comment so you don't have to see it 😊

Rottnest · 13/05/2020 05:54

Just ignore her OP. 'verbal fights on FB is like talking into the wind. Just don' engage as a pp said.

pictish · 13/05/2020 06:08

Yanbu but I wouldn’t reply. It’s none of her business and in responding, you’re validating her opinion and awarding it import that it doesn’t have, as well having public beef on Facebook which is never a good idea.

That’s what she thinks, misinformed and full of it as she is...but really, who cares? Not her kid, not her decision. Opinion not required and therefore not acknowledged.

TiredMummyXYZ · 13/05/2020 06:13

The World Health Organisation yesterday advised against herd immunity. Teaching unions have advised against going back yet because it is not yet safe to do so. I am a teacher and won’t be sending my own year 1 child back and none of my teacher friends are sending their kids back either yet. We need time to plan a Sage return to school. Human lives are too precious. YANBU x

TiredMummyXYZ · 13/05/2020 06:13

Safe return! Not a Sage one!

blackcat86 · 13/05/2020 06:23

You need to stop parenting by committee and announcing plans. It no one else's business except the two of you as parents. Regardless of how involved your parents are you didnt need to phone them to tell them and certainly didnt need to tell MIL. Its no one else's business.

PoppyFleur · 13/05/2020 06:32

Don’t engage. Her opinion is of zero consequence, so treat it as such. Do not respond on Facebook, do not get drawn into a conversation on the topic. It’s impossible to create drama when the other side doesn’t engage.

And remember this exchange when all this is over and she wishes to visit.

Biscuit0110 · 13/05/2020 06:45

Your kids, your choice.

Biscuit0110 · 13/05/2020 06:46

You won't be fined until September anyway. It is a voluntary.

Deelish75 · 13/05/2020 06:54

It's entirely YOURS and YOUR DP's choice.

I've got 2 DC, one in Yr6, the other in YrR, so that's potentially both of them going back at the beg of June, but we are undecided at the moment and going to watch, wait and see closer to the time because that is OUR choice. (Luckily we are now non contact with the only relative who thinks she'd have a say in this - whole other thread - but I can't tell you how much easier these last couple of months have been not having to deal with that pressuring shit).

choli · 13/05/2020 06:58

And remember this exchange when all this is over and she wishes to visit.
And give the father of your children the same veto rights with regard to your family of course.

Reallynowdear · 13/05/2020 07:01

Do what you feel is right for your family.

Your MIL is allowed to have different opinions to you.

Ignore the Facebook comments, don't add to any drama if you think thats is why she posted.

MarkingTimeIm59 · 13/05/2020 07:13

I wouldn’t bother responding.
Fortunately your MIL can’t influence your decision making unless you let her.
Don’t give it another thought.

thecatsthecats · 13/05/2020 07:19

Just ignore it. To be honest though you both seem a bit melodramatic. Why do you have to decide straight away and announce it to your family anyway? No one really knows what’s going to happen come June, and I doubt any one really cares what decision you make at the end of the day. Bigger fish to fry in the scheme of things.

This, and what @blackcat86 said.

I work in education and did a 360 degree eye roll at your opening lines.

Not because I think you've made the wrong decision. Not because I 'believe in Boris'. Not because I know any better than anyone else.

Just because you are the millionth parent I've heard making their own set in stone grandiloquent pronouncements to all and sundry since this has begun. You're not a great deal better than your MIL in that regard, especially with the mean spirited 'us and them' thing you have going on with your own parents agreeing with you and thinking they have any more of a say. (I wonder what you'd feel if they felt you should be sending them vs her thinking you should keep them back?)

Mummyoflittledragon · 13/05/2020 07:20

She is hooking you in for a spat. Idk why. Perhaps you do. Maybe she’s upset she doesn’t get to see your dcs much even in normal times.

With people like this, it is best to grey rock ; Never complain. Never explain.

PrayingandHoping · 13/05/2020 07:23

You're not going against the law. They have said that parents will not be penalised if they choose at the moment to not send their children

NerrSnerr · 13/05/2020 07:29

We have no idea whether children will return on June 1st and if they do what that will look like. It feels very dramatic that you have to announce it to family straight away. Why was it 'sorted' that your parents agreed? They don't need to agree to any of your parenting decisions however involved they are.

lifesgoodwithlg · 13/05/2020 07:29

I voted Yabu for putting that status involving your parents on FB. You are NOT being unreasonable for keeping your children at home.

Greenpop21 · 13/05/2020 07:35

I work in year 1. They won’t be doing normal learning and school work as we’re not supposed to touch their work so that makes senseHmm. If it’s working at home I’d stay at home.

AriadnesFilament · 13/05/2020 07:39

Why do your parents get a say and to have agreement over this?

mathanxiety · 13/05/2020 07:47

Don't engage.

A simple 'Sorry you feel that way' would be enough. Then block. Above all, keep your parents well out of this.

(The UK hasn't yet sunk to the point where the witless blatherings of the PM count as law.)