To ask what you’d do between 25-30 if you had your chance again

[Floresfrescas]

I’m 25 and currently getting divorced. Met DH when I was 19 and he was 30. I ‘settled down’ far too quickly, but thankfully no DC. The relationship was emotionally abusive from the start but it took me a number of years to realise it and to eventually end the marriage. I now find myself in a position of new-found freedom and feel as though I have a lot of ‘living’ to do!

Due to DH being highly manipulative and outwardly charming, I’ve lost a number of close friends and family who disagree with my decision to end the marriage. Therefore after the current situation has settled down, I’m planning to move to a new area of London and start again.

Looking to cheer myself up so...I’d love to know what you’d do or say to your late 20s/early 30s self if you had a chance to live it all over again!

Not get married.

Train as a teacher or psychologist.

Exactly what I did. Worked in Italy, au paired in Paris, did A levels at night school and went to uni late. I look back on my 20s as my absolute best decade, I have amazing memories.

Exactly what I did. Lived in London, good job, good disposable income, no responsibilities, new boyfriend same situation, went out a lot, travelled a lot and just had fun.

I would have gone back to education sooner than I did (hippie drop out).
There was a house we probably should have bought, but didn’t.

Learned to drive

Get divorced.
Retrain as a nurse.

Rediscover myself - what hobbies I actually liked (instead of what I pretended to like), what kind of things I actually liked doing, working out whether I liked going out or not, finding new sports and activities to keep fit, learnt to cook - really technically cook and bake, travel LOTS!

Focus on career - upskilling and climbing the ladder as fast as possible. Get a mentor and master the political game

Build lasting friendships

Get to know myself - values, life goals, etc
Use the self-knowledge to select a very compatible partner. No casual relationships

Exactly what I did:

Lived in London
Lived overseas
Travelled
Couple of boyfriends
Dated
Good job / launched career
Had fun/ partied
Saved house deposit
Started pension

Travel

I had a ball 25-30 I'd found a job in a career I love, bought my first flat on my own, did some post-grad professional qualifications. I'd broken up with the emotional drain ex boyfriend and started dating and then living with now DH, we travelled a lot, socialised a lot, went to gigs, festivals, would jump on a plane for a weekend city break on a whim, had a great group of friends none of us had children so there was always loads going on (still have similar friends but we all have more commitments now). We were also financially savvy and saving hard, so by 31 we were engaged, bought a family size house and got married at 32/33 had DS at 34 and I'm happy life is a different pace now because I have no regrets about our younger life.

Saved and invested instead of pissing it away

Travel, travel, travel.
Started pension earlier and got on property ladder.

Travel, training (unless already had qualifications) and save as much as possible. Move to an area that was ‘me’.

Stop panicking about being single.

I had my daughter at 26 so wouldn't change those 4 years for anything.

Stop dating & going out & blowing money on drinks & clothes. Save hard, get out of debt, work hard

Not get married to my 1st dh

I'm not 30 yet, but I wish I'd got a better career. I spent many years fighting infertility, I now have my son but it took away 7 years of my 20s. Now he is here, once he is older, I will aim to get a career.

Have more (safe) sex.

Honestly, I enjoyed sex, it was always an adventure. I was safe, always safe in terms of condoms but also my personal safety.... Brilliant.

Have more sex, explore your sexuality.

Sown my wild oats, had more fun, worried less.

I probably would do the same again. By that age I had been married 5 years and had 2 young children. I wasn't working so was entirely dependent on DH at that time, so I couldn't have left even if I had wanted to.

Bought the bigger house. I was terrified of interest rates rising (they went down, year after year) so i feel i wasted a set of stamp duty and house repairs as our first home was unsuitable so we moved. To a house we could habe bought first time round. But, a different set of circumstances could have lefy me grateful i was in the smaller flat.

Probably not what you want to hear but date a lot with the view to meeting a husband and starting a family around 30/31.

Not try and cling onto being “young and in my 20s”. I’d been very mature in my teens and early 20s. Got to 25 and realised that I’d never actually had a frivolous adolescence and tried to make up for lost time. I spent 29 - 31 acting the way it would have been more appropriate to in my late teens and early 20s...stupid crushes, getting drunk/partying, getting a stupid tattoo, trying weed. It was pathetic and I’m paying for it now in that I’m single, childless and could have had better paid employment by now.

Had therapy. Developed good habits re exercise, physical health and fitness. Wore my retainer.

I just wish I’d really developed a 5 year plan and worked backwards from there.