To ask what you’d do between 25-30 if you had your chance again

[Floresfrescas]

I’m 25 and currently getting divorced. Met DH when I was 19 and he was 30. I ‘settled down’ far too quickly, but thankfully no DC. The relationship was emotionally abusive from the start but it took me a number of years to realise it and to eventually end the marriage. I now find myself in a position of new-found freedom and feel as though I have a lot of ‘living’ to do!

Due to DH being highly manipulative and outwardly charming, I’ve lost a number of close friends and family who disagree with my decision to end the marriage. Therefore after the current situation has settled down, I’m planning to move to a new area of London and start again.

Looking to cheer myself up so...I’d love to know what you’d do or say to your late 20s/early 30s self if you had a chance to live it all over again!

Have fun! I moved to London aged 26, knowing three people and had a great time. I'd do it again, but knowing about things like MeetUp groups where I could make other new friends faster. I met DH when I was 33, married him 21 months later.

The other thing I'd definitely do is make sensible financial decisions, stay out of debt and save. I didn't do that very well, and it wasn't until I married DH that I was on an even keel financially. I'm still twitchy about finance.

If you haven't studied and want to, now's as good a time as any!

Leave my first husband. I hung around until I was 38. Big mistake.

Not move to the UK

I wish I'd done exactly what you're doing - I met ExH at 21, married him at 24, left him at 30. Also 10 years older than me, also emotionally abusive. I lost my 20s essentially, very glad that you're reclaiming yours :)

Quit drinking. Don’t get married

I would do exactly what I did, which was go back to Uni and do my PhD....broke up with a long term fiancé just before - best decision I ever made as we were on two different paths.
I would change the years from 18-24 when I was at uni the first time, and engaged - should have broken that off before I went....my second Uni stay was much more fun than my first one :)

Not up root the family to be closer to DH new job, with hindsight the shorter hours and weekends off meant the longer commute would have been fine.

The move didn't do any of us any good.

After my long term relationship ended and I had that freedom. I dated a lot to figure out what I was looking for. I didn’t feel guilty about telling people that I didn’t think it was working (something I’d been guilty of in the past) I spent a lot of time figuring out how I ended up in a relationship I wasn’t happy in (even though my ex was a lovely person and it was by no means acrimonious, we just weren’t right for each other.

Also find something that’s just for you and keep it just for you. A hobby, a skill anything!

Well I'm only a little older than you but from supervising mature students:
Sleep around / sow your wild oats
Try lots of new things (hobbies, travel, meet people)
Work really hard
Save money

I would have had a third child.

I wouldn’t really as I had 2 due to physical issues with pregnancies but if I could have done something differently it would have been that. Otherwise I did pretty well in those years.

I had a great 20-25 but I’m now 27 and had a baby a few weeks ago. I knew it would change things but the reality has really hit me now and I suddenly don’t feel young or free anymore.

I wouldn’t change it as doing this now is right for DH and I but at the same time I wish I’d joined more clubs, gone to classes I fancied but never got around to and maybe learnt a new language.

I’d also like to have a career rather than just a good job, but hey ho.
Just enjoy yourself xx

Took the plunge and moved out of home. Enmeshed codependent family, long and embarrassing story and still unpacking so much from this via EMDR and counselling.

Because I 'only' lived at home I didn't push myself enough in work to go for promotions, etc. If I had to do it all over again I'd knuckle down, pass various professional exams, get the better jobs, move out and buy a modest home which would be paid off by now.

But life didn't work out like that.

Wear SPF50 on my face every day.

I'm only 28, but I would have had another child closer in age to my DD (4) so I could get children out of the way. I'd love another child(ren), but I'd also like a career.

Why are a lot of posters here against marriage? You all mean not getting married in late 20's right?

The same. I qualified as a nurse at 27, and bought a house at 30.
Did lots of partying, holidays, worked hard on overtime to get a mortgage. Inherited a deposit sadly but luckily.
The only thing I'd do differently was work on a different ward.... bunch of bitches where I worked initially sorry but it's true.

My life aged 31-40 however did not turn out well.

I liked my 25-30 period. I went to uni at 24 and graduated at 27. Then bought a house, got married , had DC2 and was pregnant with DC3 by 30. I went on some good holidays too including my first trip outside of Europe (Jamaica). I also learnt to ski and visited Italy for the first time.

superstressy

I presume they got married in their twenties and decided it was a mistake.

Had a lot more sex.

I left an absolute deadbeat arsehole at 28 after an 8 year relationship, met another man got married and we now have a little boy and I'm so happy but I wish I had used more 'free' time with my now husband to go away on amazing holidays, meals out, nights away and just generally be carefree! I love my son but wish we had made the most of the time we had with no responsibility. You have done so well to change your life for the better, it cant be easy to end a marriage but go and be care free, enjoy your life and do whatever makes you happy!

Get the help I really needed for the problems I was having. I kept everything bottled up and now I’m 30 and really suffering. It took me 5 years to finally make start making changes.

You’ll hate my answer... but I would stay with my ex husband and have children.

I would never have done teacher training. Total waste of time. I would have gone travelling a lot more with DH before we had kids

Some of mine only apply if you are planning on having kids, others just for the heck of it! Most of it comes down to having as much fun as possible, I tried to do all these and would do the same again

Live overseas
Travel more, especially to all the places that are more difficult with kids (e.g. places with malaria, non kid friendly hotels)
Enjoy all the nice meals - metabolism has slowed for me anyway!
Give as much as you can to your career, go after promotions, work long hours if beneficial - I found over the years I've kind of lost the ambition and interest I had back them, replaced by wanting to spend those extra hours with family
Look after my body - SPF, exercise, limit alcohol
Look after friendships

Start writing novels far earlier. Otherwise, probably much what I did -- start a DPhil at Oxford, have a lot of fun while living on air and scholarships.