Kids with non dad

[pleaseletmesmile]

In short, I have two young children, 9 & 6 and I've been single since their dad and I split 5 years ago. I've since met a great guy who has no children. I get the impression he tolerates my children but would prefer they were not there. How do mothers navigate relationships with men here? .................I need advice

If you're getting that impression now when it sounds like it's still early days then I'd cut your losses and move on.
Your children have to be your priority and an adult in their life that wishes they weren't around will not be good for their emotional well being.

I navigated it. And I wouldn't be anyone who simply tolerated my kids.

I mean he isn't even doing a good job of hiding it.

I'd say it's not really possible to navigate, if that's the impression you get then I'd say cut your losses you're just not compatible

I wouldn't be anyone who simply tolerated my kids.

This. Dads are normally better but not always.

If you think he is only tolerating your DC then it won't work. Trust me.

I'd cut your losses.

I split with my ex in 2018 and met someone new who is currently bouncing around on the trampoline with my youngest after a full day at work, then coming home and laying turf in my garden. He's brilliant with all three of mine, and is definitely far more patient than I am.

There's absolutely no need to think you should settle and for your kids to become second class citizens. You'll find someone who is happy to spend time with you individually and as a family unit.

It’s a non-starter in that case.

A man who merely tolerates your children is not the right man for you. You need to end it with this one, or accept that he is nothing more than a bit of fun for when your kids are with their dad.

Personally, i'd end it and look for someone better. It is hard to date when you have kids, because your standards have to be so, so high - its not enough for him to treat you well, he has to be prepared to treat your kids well too. Its hard.

Except for rare exceptions involving infertility or never having had a serious relationship, I think it’s generally true that if a man hasn’t had children by his late thirties it’s provably because he either wasn’t particularly fussed about them or actively didn’t want them. How long have you been dating? In what context has he met or spent time with your DC? Have you talked about children with him? Have you told him you find it concerning he doesn’t seem to like yours and listened to his response? Unless he’s just being reserved and cautious because he doesn’t know them well yet, I don’t think this is something you can navigate - your DC need to be your priority and staying with someone who only tolerates them is a big no-no.

I would navigate away from the man tbh.

A man who merely tolerates your children is not the right man for you.

This.

And also don't move them in after a couple of months, no matter how much you (think you) are besotted or how stringent isolation is. Can't believe the number of people who have done this on MN recently!

Choose your children. Do not become any more involved with a man who tolerates them.
You have a choice, they do not.

It’s not going to work.

I grew up with two stepdads, both of whom wished I wasn't there. My childhood was bloody miserable. Please think twice about moving him into your house.

I get the impression he tolerates my children but would prefer they were not there. How do mothers navigate relationships with men here?

You navigate it by striking off any that appear to be tolerating your children straight away and move on until you find a man who wants to raise your children with you.

It’s the very least your children deserve. If you can’t find a man who wants that then you remain single until your children are up.

met someone new who is currently bouncing around on the trampoline with my youngest after a full day at work, then coming home and laying turf in my garden.

💖

Sorry to say but you're better without him.
I know it's hard.

My eldest is just turning 18 and I've been single mum since she was 5. I'm manless too :(

Sorry that probably doesn't help much.

I’m a single mom and would leave the relationship straight away if there were signs he ‘tolerated’ my children

you run.

why are you even contemplating a relationship with this man if you’re getting that impression.

that’s fucking insane

You navigate it by not dating someone that "tolerates" your children.

I've been single for 6 years and I'm staying that way until someone comes along who meets my standards regarding both me and DS. So far no one has.

You navigate him out your life.

I would never even contemplate going forward in a relationship with someone whom I believed merely tolerated my children.
My children will always come first. And yours?

Nah don't bother, partners can come and go. Kids win every time.

Bin.

Why would you want to navigate this? He doesn’t want your kids, end of. Goodbye find someone else