Need to vent!

[crazybutkind]

Currently 34 weeks pregnant, and have a toddler, partner still working, on my own all day due to lockdown.

Partner comes home at 4:45 gets in the shower watches the governments briefing at 5 then from 6-7 he will play with our toddler while I make dinner, wash up, put away and generally tidy the days chaos away. 7 I take LO for a bath we come down at 8 she chills and watches a film usually while having supper then I take her to bed at 9 quick story then sleep.

When I come downstairs partner is having his supper and then shuts off everything and we both go to bed.

I am exhausted and I feel like a one man band looking after everything but finances.

He pays for shopping and mortgage I pay for bills.

YANBU to be exhausted but I dont understand why a toddler is going to bed at 9pm? You need time in the evening just the two of you. Also why cant partner do story sometimes? Why dont you eat together? Why does he shut everything off?

Making dinner and washing up every evening sounds exhausting. When do you get a break? Why can’t he do the washing up?

What time does your toddler get up? That is quite a late bedtime.

Both my DC are down by 7 so we have plenty of time to eat, clear up and watch tv or chat before prep for the next day and bed.

Also an hour for a bath? I think you need to streamline your bedtime routine and get DH to do it every other day so it's fairer.

I'm not sure why you're taking your toddler up for bath at 7pm, then bringing her back down to watch a film til 9pm?
You might benefit from reviewing your schedule and your partner needs to take part in home life. If he's home by 4.45pm:

5-5.30 one cooks dinner, one minds toddler
5.30 eat
6.00 one puts toddler through bath, one tidies downstairs.
7pm toddler is in bed, you both have the rest of the evening to relax.

Unless there's more to this and we're about to find out how generally useless you partner is?

9pm is super late. I’d try to get LO down earlier if you can

I have two young children and am 27 weeks pregnant, and my husband is also working long hours.
He gets home 5.20ish, we have dinner that I’ve prepared. We then both tidy up and pack the dishwasher as it takes so much less time when we both do it. We then relax and play with the DCs until 7pm. We both do bathtime, and then they go to bed which usually take in turns while the other has a bath/relaxes. And then we watch tv/a movie etc until we’re ready for bed.
Honestly I think your DP could definitely help way more, what does he say if you ask for more help?

Could your DD have supper before bath and bed, and then you have a good couple of hours with just you and DH together?

i think that you need to get your toddler into bed by 7/7.30...my toddler would love to stay up watching films until 9pm but I need a break so it’s not happening!!

Sometimes she won’t sleep until 9pm ...I think at the moment she’s having some kind of sleep regression...but it’s lights out by 7.30 and generally she won’t wake up again until 6.30 / 7ish in the morn....

I’d get your partner to record the update and watch it once your toddler is in bed so u can both alternate bath time / making dinner then have a couple of hours to yourself in the evening.

My oh and I both work full time so have to split childcare at the moment...we get a lot of resistance when mummy can’t do bath time some nights but as hard as it is I can’t do anything about that right now so I just have to let her cry when she doesn’t get her way..within a few minutes she’s usually laughing away with her dad.

The other downside to our routine is we can’t all eat dinner together...but i sit with my toddler while she eats and she genuinely doesn’t seem bothered by this. We eat together at weekends and eat lunch and breakfast together.

I would lose my mind if my toddler went to bed at 9pm you need your evening time.

5.30 dinner
6.15 bath
6.45 milk and story
7 bed

7.01 mum has a wine and chills out while dp packs all the toys away and tidys

How come your toddler goes to bed late? What time do they wake up?

The wine I made up , I'm also pregnant ! Just remembering what it was like 4 months ago to have a glass of wine 🍷

My toddler also goes to bed at 9 Op, he gets up at 8.30am whereas i have friends whose toddlers are awake by 5.45am.
I prefer it my way but everyone is different. I know I'd be even more tired if i was up that early.

Agree with the others that you're putting DC to bed way too late, you'll never have down time unless you nip that in the bud - best to do it before you have your baby too.

Your partner working doesn't mean he gets out of household stuff.
Speak to him. Write down what needs to be done and work out a way to share the load evenly.

Yes, late to bed for my toddler too. I wouldn't fancy being up at 6am!

Same as @RainbowBabyDreams 9pm here and up at 8:30am - works with lockdown especially.

You could alternate the dinner/bath with him so one night you cook and wash up while he baths the baby, next night’s swap over. Also- Id be putting toddlers to bed at 7.

My LO gets up at 6am each day and still wakes 1-2 times a night. If I'm honest this 9pm bedtime has only started in the last month and I think I'm allowing it just to avoid the melt down if I try put her in bed earlier I don't have the energy where as 9pm she just goes to bed no arguing.

If you’re cooking why isn’t he washing up?

Have you asked him to do bath/bed? There is no need for it to take two hours and it can't once nb is there too.

How old is your toddler?

I think the issue is me most of the time, he can't cook and his attempt at washing up is awful it looks worse than when he started and he knows how particular I am. In regards to bath time my LO spends a good half hour in the bath then we get pyjamas and blow dry her hair and put her cream on she has bad skin so it does usually take 45-1 hour. She woke up last night at 2am so I judged my partner and asked "would you mind going to her?" To which he ignored me so I went to her. It takes so much effort just to get out of bed these days I have suffered with pelvic hurdle pain for 3 months now. He sent a text this morning saying "Thankyou for trooping on"

I don't want a text I want support. I started writing down yesterday everything I did and I will continue to do so this week.

I imagine we are in for a storm this weekend when I let it all out

Would it be better to bathe your dd in the mornings?

My 11 year old goes to bed at 9pm!
You are making a rod for your own back here by basically allowing your toddler to set their own bedtime. You need to streamline the routine. It may take some tantrums for a couple of nights as it wont be the norm for your child, but its the best thing for the entire household.

You need time to switch out of mum-mode and just relax, and its important for your relationship that all of your interactions are not just based on parenting or running the household. Where do you guys currently even have time for a conversation that isn't based around chores or children?!

Can you skip the bath? If by bad skin you mean eczema or very dry skin it might be making it worse to bath her every single day. Every few days is fine. It would give you an hour back as well

@crazy what he texted you this morning was a pee take, I would have replied exactly what you have said you need - I NEED SUPPORT .

Can I ask what is the point of you listing everything you do for a week, you will discuss with DH and nothing will change. Once the baby arrives things will go from bad to worse - Be prepared.