Aibu to ask how the hell to permanently get over someone

[phoebemakesnoise]

I've tried deleting social media, not contacting them, not bringing them up in conversation with others, trying to find other things to do .. But still, I can't seem to get over them and stop obsessing and being jealous over thoughts of them with someone else. It is really unhealthy and I just want to be able to enjoy my life and be happy without any of my happiness depending on them. I have lovely children and not a bad life at all so why is it so hard. Any advice greatly appreciated.

Take up a new hobby that involves concentrating - music, crochet, sewing.

Other than that, time really is a great healer. I know thats not much help.

Time is the only thing really unfortunately.

Same advice. It's just time and trying to keep occupied

Try and think about the ick parts of them, the habits that set your teeth on edge. Imagine how annoying their habits will be down the line. Feel sorry for them and pity that they’ll miss out on you as you’re fucking fabulous!

No contact whatsoever is the only way how long have you left it ?

How long has it been?

The old adage about getting under someone does work 😉😁

How long since you have split? I was with my ex for over 20 years. I would say it took me at least 6 months to stop thinking about him every day. Ultimately what really helped was that I was lucky to find someone and started enjoying dating but I appreciate that is hard at the moment and while you are feeling like you are it's probably the last thing you are thinking of. What you are feeling is normal and unfortunately you have to go through it but honestly it will get better in time.

What @DartmoorChef said

Thanks for the advice everyone. Due to a few reasons I can't have completely no contact with them, although I now no longer MAKE contact with them. I think this is going to make it so much harder for me? I really wish that I could have absolutely no contact.

How long has it been?

Sorry to repeat others but it really will be time, unfortunately. The only man I’ve ever loved apart from DH left me utterly heartbroken and the only way I got over him was little by little every day. But it really did take some time.
You’ve done the right thing by removing him from social media.
Soon you’ll find you’re able to go half an hour without thinking about him. Then it’ll be a whole hour. Eventually you’ll realise you’ve gone all day without thinking about him. I sympathise, it’s a horrible feeling. But you will be ok.

(Sorry for assuming its a him)

Sorry everyone, forgot to add, it's been 4-5 months now.

And yes, its a him :-)

Although 6 weeks since I've been really committed to moving on.

Time :(:( will take longer if you have to see them I’m sorry...it will happen. One day you’ll realise you haven’t thought about them in a while and when you do, you won’t feel that horrible dull ache in your heart. It’s horrible but you will get through it

Definitely time I’m afraid. I think many of us have been in this situation before and tried lots of different distractions to try moving on (probably rebounds too let’s face it) but time is truthfully the only healer.

It took a long time to get over my first love but here's the book that did if for me:

How to mend your broken heart

Used copy £3.49 on Amazon :-)

www.amazon.co.uk/How-Mend-Your-Broken-Heart/dp/0593050533?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Good luck x

When you feel ready, start dating again. That will help change your frame of reference.

Make a list of all of his negative points or the times he has annoyed or hurt you.
Try to feel relief that he will never be able to do that to you again.
Try to accept the fact that this relationship would probably never have amounted to any great love story, if you’d stayed together he would probably have ended up really getting on your nerves and making you miserable.
Now you are free to either be happy on your own, or to meet someone else who you can find happiness with.

Time, time and more time.

How long were you together for??

It took me 18 months to get over a 9 month thing and If the truth be told I still occasionally miss someone else when it ended more than 3 years ago- but it doesn't hurt.

Do you journal?

A total change of scene helps which will be tricky during this time. I always found going abroad on a good holiday helped me put this kind of problem in perspective. So maybe something you could do once restrictions are over.

watch this guy. Damn I wrote a long msg and it disappeared trying to find the link! It's hard during lockdown you will think about it more but maybe go for walks and runs with the kids to clear your head and get fit, dance around to your favourite music loudly, know your worth, treat yourself and make yourself look and feel good. Breaking up is like a drug addiction and by thinking of them you are feeding the addiction making it harder to get over but yes it is time and effort also.

I really think time is the only thing that works and is the one thing you can't rush! We don't know what happened between you but it appears that you didn't want to split up? If that's the case (and I'm making huge assumptions here so please ignore/correct me if I am way out of line) then start thinking about how he obviously isn't the man for you and how much he has hurt you. This will all make you able to move on to the point where you will meet the person who is, in fact, the right one for you. I know it all sounds like romanticised guff but this isn't the end for you, it is a new beginning. My partner of 15 years died very suddenly and left me completely bereft, shocked, sad, hurt, angry, everything you are probably feeling. I met and married my husband within the year and now I know that this is right. He isn't the end of you, you will go on to better things but you need to want to believe that you will. He's not your life. You had a life before him and you will have am even better one after him. Best wishes, OP