Anyone who saw my recent post on some insenstive houseguests....here we go again... I think.
My houseguests have just departed. I am so happy. But I feel a lot of guilt. How much of what went wrong was my fault??!!!
So 2 Canadians, a married late 40's couple, are taking a month long european vacation. We are buddies with them since we lived in their home town for a few months 2 years ago. Since then we have had a baby- now 3 months. They told us ages ago they were coming to visit. We have a very small second bedroom, full of baby stuff. We put up a camp bed next to the single bed and cotbed (our baby is still in our room)- this eliminated all the floor space. I thought they would take one look and say "Oh, you should have said you had a tiny house, we'll book into a b+b". They didnt. I felt edgy about having them round thehouse all day- I am bfing little one, she is a very easy baby, but I like my space and routines. I hoped they would go into the city and sightsee in the days, but they didnt. They got up late, hung around the house, took little walks. We all spent the first day together, after that, I exccused myself from their little afternoon expeditions each day,saying that I had stuff to do. We all went away together at the weekend. That was great. Then they had 2 more friends arrivingyesterday. Unfortunately I know their 2 freinds a little and find them hard to get on with. DH and I felt we were being put under pressure to pick up the 2 new guests and enetertain them, altho they were staying in a b+b. We told them to get a taxi from the aiport. I ended up cooking diiner for the lot of them last night. One of our houseguests had said something vague along the lines of "We'll all get fish and chips" - but he didnt exectly specify who would pay, and the chippers here are pricey so I cooked. So, anyway it turned out to be a tense meal, the newcomers compounded my dislike of them by basically not being at all interested in us, not making any effort to reciprocate our small talk type questions, and made us feel like intruders at our own table. I buggered off and fed my baby for ages and left them to it, and DH kicked themn out at ten, saying he was tired. Our guests then stayed out late- they were still not in at midnight. Today the atmosphere was strained- clearly the dinner was a flop. I feel responsible for creating a forced get together- but I figured they'd end up round our house anyway, and no -one else offered to cook, hence I just bit the bullet (begrudgingly) and said, right, I'll cook for us all. Our guests cooked dinner for one night over the week. They did buy all the booze every night- but am bfing so dont drink much.
They were all due to leave today, but on Sunday our houseguests put the fear of god into us by saying, "Oh, we might stay another night after the others arrive". We have been wimps about it, in total denial, didnt even want to ask them when they might leave. Today my FIL took matters into his own hands and arranged them a rentalcar so they can all go away. They are coming back in 2 weeks!!!! They informed me they will stay overnight, and would like to take us out to dinner then. I feel this gesture is a little late now!!!! I feel resentful, they breached all the fussy guest etiquette thngs that I always observe. No gifts, no taking us out for lunch or dinner, not stripped their beds, not clear on departure dates, not out of the house enough for my liking. On the plus side, they are laidback and fun, and lovely with my baby. I think they found it odd, even hurtful, that I didnt want to hang out every day with them. But I go crazy if I am with people day after day. And I want time with my baby, lots of time. And I have secret dodgy hobbies, like writing music on the piano, that I cant do in front of them, that I like to get a bit of time with , just half an hour or so each day.
Fully fledged disaster of a visit. Am I antisocial to want to not spend all my time hanging out with them on their visit? To be honest, when really good friends have visited, I want to be with them all the time, and we do stuff together all day. Maybe to them we are very close friends, but to me, they are not such close freinds. Actually, I saw them as a nuisance from day one. Could they have picked up on that and be hurt by it?
Oh dear. Any thoughts?
Oh, and one of them was very ill lately. So they were looking forward to this visit for a long time.