Sick of reminding family they aren’t allowed to visit

[JKD1982]

I know Boris was unclear on his latest guidance. But I am 36 weeks pregnant and FED UP reminding my family they can’t just pop over for a cup of tea as they are missing seeing my pregnancy and they’re lonely.

I haven’t self isolated for over 10 weeks to jeopardise my baby and my health now for a social visit?

Even once the baby is born, my MIL is a foster carer and the baby she has is in and out of hospital as he’s unwell. Am I fair to say that no she can’t visit and hold my baby until she has self isolated for 14 days and hasn’t been in contact with hospital a and e?

Feel like I am starting to get a bit melodramatic about it. But what’s the point of taking any risks? I haven’t seen a soul other than my husband for months. Why should they just pop in as and when they like???

You are right. You know you are right. They don’t have to like it.

I know what you mean! My in laws keep asking to visit (the too have been in and out of GP's and hospitals) thinking that my parents visit because I send my mum photos privately and she annoyingly posts them on Facebook! No one has been in my house almost 3 months!

They shouldn't. Just don't dignify them with an answer if they couldn't grasp it the first time!

You are right. But let DH be the one to tell her

You're totally right of course. Now is the most important time to be careful as if you have symptoms in your household DH won't be able to accompany you to the birth as he'll be self isolating. I'm due on a couple of weeks and we've been super careful and will continue to be during the newborn period.

It’s so frustrating. People are like “ah it will be ok!” F OFF. This is my first pregnancy. It’s been really hard. I am not doing this again. I don’t want to make a stupid risky decision for anyone.

And they are like. Oh I wash my hands when I leave a and e? Erm. Great. Well done for you.

I have had a compromised pregnancy the whole last trimester with fearful midwife visits and reduction in appointments. My baby is more important than them. Sorry they’re upset. But they need to stop

Good for you sticking up for yourself. It will help to have boundaries before the baby arrives, it sounds like they will be pushing even harder then and will probably show up without warning, so lock your door

There is no way to reason with stupidity get your husband to deal with them and you relax as much as you can sweetie they will have all the time in the world to visit on YOUR terms x enjoy your baby.x

Thanks ladies. I know I sound angry and mean but it’s so hard telling people no and hurting them. I feel guilty and I just wish people would be respectful of my decision

I'm NY, pregnant with my first too and here paediatricians are telling pregnant women to NOT let anyone visit until the baby either has its first shots or is over 12 weeks.

Ask them outright - do they want to wait and see your baby or risk your baby dying?. A 6 week old baby has recently been a victim..

It is so tedious when relatives just WILL NOT follow your wishes, for their totally selfish reasons- you are making very wise choices, and must insist your choices are respected, even if it means some sharp or harsh words.
You may have to devise a formula, and repeat it ad nauseam.
"As I've said before I'm not allowed any visits at the moment, but appreciate you kind thoughts" Repeat, repeat- they may just get it- or in some cases may not!

Good Luck!

I'm in Scotland, midwife told friend no visitors for 12 weeks.

YANBU at all

My parents (mainly Mum) are the same, YANBU, I'm not pregnant. I have seen her at the end if the drive as shes 10 minutes walk from here and every bloody time she asks the DC for a hug and acts like a petulant child when they say they cant, its bloody annoying. Stick to your guns and good luck with everything.

Would it be worth sending an email, or a text, or whatever you’re comfortable with, reminding everyone that as much as you miss them, you won’t be having any visitors for the duration of your pregnancy in order to keep yourself and baby safe? I know Boris wasn’t particularly clear yesterday, but there certainly wasn’t anything in there about popping over for a cuppa with your pregnant relative.

it’s so hard telling people no and hurting them. I feel guilty

They're not feeling guilty for pestering you and hurting and upsetting you though, are they?

YANBU at all op, good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and new baby

YANBU. I’m 29 weeks and my Mum is self isolating for two weeks before the c-section date so she can watch my older DC while we’re in hospital. It’s our only option short of DH missing the birth which we don’t want.

I’ve only left the house to attend antenatal appointments for almost eight weeks now, there’s no way I’d jeapordise that effort for the sake of a social visit.

There are some very stupid people around. People who read the policies and then think that it cannot possibly mean them! They are different and special.

Ignore them and as others have said ask your DH to deal with them!

I would be the same as you op. I additionally probably wouldn’t allow visits until 12 weeks. It is really sad the baby she is fostering is unwell, however, you want to protect yours. No one has the right to see your child.

Not in any way unreasonable. Visits aren’t allowed anyway at the moment; that’s been clarified now. You can only see one other person, outdoors, at 2m distance. And pregnant women are still considered vulnerable and advised to go out as little as possible.
Even if that changed, I still wouldn’t allow visits for the first 12 weeks. I’ve heard many midwives are advising that anyway.

I’m in the same boat 24 weeks pregnant with family not getting why we won’t see them.

FIL keeps popping by to drop shit we don’t need off, hanging round the front door and hinting to be let in. It’s not happening. He’s constantly harping on that we should all go for a walk even though my consultant has told me and my family it’s best not to leave the house/garden as I’ve got some complications which would not be great if I caught the virus.

My dad lives 150 miles away but constantly calls and asks when he can come and stay. He’s 85 and out and about everyday. Not a fucking chance.

Now they all seem to think they will see the baby when she’s born in August. Even if restrictions are lifted no one is coming near for a couple of months after. Covid is going nowhere and it’s not something I’m messing with recovering from a section with a newborn. They are all going to have to lump it, frankly.

But Boris message has never been unclear on visitors and social distancing! They’re idiots

@Connie222 you sound like you’re in exactly the same situation as me.

I get so angry that I am repeating myself. It’s got to the point I don’t want to answer the phone or talk to them anymore as I don’t like the questioning about it. Today my mother said “I’m sorry you’re taking this strident position”. It’s the government rules? Not my decision. If anything happened to my baby I would be so upset I can’t fathom it.

Thanks,Mom and you're taking the Covidiot position!