High needs baby!! When will it end?

[SidSparrow]

DD2 is 3 and a half months old and has me at my wits end!! She is rarely content when in her bouncer, or on her playmat. Taking her out is a nightmare! She is not content in her pram unless she is sleeping and she doesn't sleep long... Same in the car seat. I know there is nothing wrong with her - she just wants to be held. I have two carriers - one she hates, the other maybe gives me 10 minutes of contentment if I'm lucky. I'm finding it extremely difficult l, I feel trapped more trapped by her than I do the lockdown! I feel so bad for DD1 who is 2 and acts up a lot because I just can't give her the attention she needs. I grieve the relationship we used to have, and then I feel guilty about it. I feel guilty because I can't give the same attention to DD2 as I did when DD1 was a baby. When we go out I come home a nervous crying wreck because DD2 has woken up and after making sure she's fed and changed etc and is put back in the pram she screams the whole way home. I feel terrible I can't console her when we're out because I can't carry her and push the double buggy.

So, what I really would like to know is a timescale! What are other people's experiences. I'd love to know how long roughly this will last.

Mine got better at about ten months.

She was a delightful toddler, a low needs teen and is now a lovely adult 😊

My DD was like this, she was never content lying on her own, wanted to be held and constantly entertained. She became a bit happier once she could sit up on her own, although she’s always been one of those babies who is keen to get the next stage and fussed when she couldn’t do what she wanted. It’s meant a lot of input from us. She’s just turned one and is walking and we’ve noticed she’s finally happy to sit and play with toys by herself.

Have you tried getting a wrap or sling and just carrying her? Easier than trying to settle her in the pram when you’re out?

Mine got better around 11 months. Intense toddler. Now pretty sweet age 4 as long as they get enough attention and not too much stress but not a great sleeper.

Are you sure she hasn’t got silent reflux?

Could you try a stretchy baby wrap, or a dummy? I know they're frowned upon by some people but I have a couple of friends who have literally had their sanity saved by dummies. Obviously take medical/dental advice about them etc.

My high needs,medically fragile child screamed for eight months straight unless eating or sleeping. One morning he woke up happy and smiley as if a switch was hit! He had reflux and cerebral palsy and colic-it was a brutal time and I totally understand what you're experiencing-my kid hated his car seat with a passion so I drove a tiny preemie baby around on oxygen mad as hell screaming bloody murder! He's almost 20

For me it was in stages. Sitting up was the first stage, then once she could move, then by 10 months she was a delight. Honestly, she was the easiest toddler - no meltdowns or tantrums. Just a delight.
I'm going to get flamed for this, but if you have an iPad or similar, consider using the nursery rhymes like 'Baby John' in short bursts. Your two year old will probably love it too. Introduce a comforter too - a soft blanket or teddy. Whilst shes soothed a d settled, stroke her face and hands with it. You might find giving her the comforter reduces the crying. It is hard work but you are almost at the first stage.

Also - in a month or so once she can hold her head up properly, use a jumper with a cushion underneath her feet. Being upright really helped my high needs baby. She must have good head control first though.

When they can sit up is a game changer as they can interact with the world more but i would also look at getting a stretchy sling so you can kangaroo her.

DS2 turns 2 this month and he's still like it.

Try a sling for now.

I wish you good luck!

I have a couple of friends who had babies the same as me, and both were high needs babies. One got better by around the six-month mark when he could sit, it was quite a sudden change. The other was more gradual and I'd say it was maybe a year before he stopped screaming everywhere we went. He's still quite sensitive and prone to tears at 15mo but he can entertain himself more now.

My high needs baby is 8 years old now! so
I can't remember when things improved - but I just wanted to share my sympathy - I remember being utterly baffled by how other mums could take their babies for long walks in their prams, in and out of shops and coffee shops, etc, when I couldn't get to the end of the road without DD screaming her head off... all I know is that it will get better... it's not you it's the baby good luck and go easy on yourself, do whatever you need to do to get by.

Persevere with the sling. Mine improved somewhat over time.

DD2 was never content unless asleep (and getting her asleep was a mammoth task too...)

The day she learnt to walk, she was genuinely a different child. My parents saw us a few days before and then a few days after and couldn't believe the difference. She laughed for the first time that week and has been a happy child since then (though the sleep never really got any better until 15 months...)

She's 3 now and she is still quite hard work as she's a full-on child, but she is so sweet and funny.

When she was horrid as a baby, I took her to her cot 3x per day for 10 minutes and let her cry there so that DD1 got those few minutes of 1:1. I felt awful for DD2 but frankly it was negated by feeling much better for DD1, who was such a trooper throughout that first 8-9 months!

Sling and definitely check she hasn’t got silent reflux or tongue tie as she sounds exactly Like my daughter at that age who did and both went undetected till I pushed for it!

My daughter is 4.5 months old. She is I'm glad to say a generally easy baby now. Very sweet and quiet up until her 8 week jabs and then something changed. She was grumpy, constantly crying or whinging, would be very clingy. I gave her her dummy and a little comfort bunny to suck and smooth when she wanted me. She goes in her crib and smooth her bunny and sucks her dummy. Now she's her usual self again after her 12 week vacs but she has another lot coming up Monday so I'm buckling up for the aftermath of that. Might be a few weeks or longer. The grump is real. Not all babies are happy babies. But the good thing is they arent babies for long

Forgot to add my daughter has seevere acid reflux abd we didn't know. Now she's in meds it's a LOT BETTER she's more content x

All mine were high needs babies. I definitely recommend a sling. I couldn’t have survived a toddler and a tiny without one!

I used a sling. She was a miserable cow until she went to school though. She's still a drama queen, but a totally different kid.

I read an article about introvert adults being shy as babies...then i looked at my shy, clingy baby jabbering away to neighbours and performinh to anyone she perceives as an audience and thought: bollocks.

You don't say in your OP, but have you tried a sling like an Ergo baby? My eldest just would not be put down anywhere, and hated lying in his buggy, but as soon as he was in the sling, he became a happy gurgling baby or fell peacefully asleep :)

Ime it stops when they become mobile - so any time bw 6 and 15 mo.

If you are really desperate and can throw some money at it you could try one of those electric baby swings. That was the only thing (other than being held) that entertained ds2 for more than 10 min. We used to call it the "neglectomatic" because we could put him in it for whole hours at a time!

My DH “would never” wear a sling because he’s “a man” and “strong enough to carry the baby” and won’t be reduced to “looking like a loser.” Turns out, he’s a bullshitter of the nth degree and while I was working abroad discovered baby wraps and a sling. He calls them “like weight plates” that help him “stay fit.” Whatever he wants to call them: happy baby, happy husband. We try and have one on one time with our eldest so he doesn’t feel left out, if you have a partner or a trusted friend/relative (once you’re out of lockdown), this might be a good thing to start doing. It’s definitely improved relations in our house.

I'm so sorry but mine was about 18 months before I stopped wanting to put her up for adoption. I wish I was exaggerating but I Googled it multiple times. She crawled and walked and talked early which apparently was why (everyone kept telling me) she was frustrating, but that made no difference to my sanity, or my relationship with my other toddler at the time. She's just turned 2 now and is absolutely hilarious and very entertaining but she still doesn't sleep and still drives me insane all day, though in different ways. She stopped screaming in the car seat at about 16 months and she started liking the buggy at about 20 months. I'm having horrible flashbacks to sobbing in Asda trying to control a screaming child and an errant toddler when I needed nappies and fruit one day.

Other people seem to have more luck with their evil babies though so fingers crossed it was just me who pulled the short straw!

wearing sling around the house. Also found going to groups helped but unfortunately unable to do that at mo. This too will pass.

Um, I think she cried less and needing less constant holding from about 11 months - 10 months, I remember distinctly, was a particularly awful time, but she was much better by her 1st birthday, so, yeah, probably around 11 months.

Although she didn't sleep for longer than 3 hours at a time till 18 months, and she didn't sleep through the night till 3 and a half. Sorry.

She's been an utter delight since school age though. I think she just needs a lot of mental stimulation.