Was anyone else rejected by a parent?

[Annamaria14]

I lived with my mum in a different country to my Dad. He sent me a letter when I was a teenager, saying that it was all too difficult, and he could only have peace of mind if he never saw me again.

I wrote to him for ten years, trying to get him to see me, he never answered a single letter.

In my twenties, I got a flight over to his house by myself. I turned up at his door. It was all so difficult. I remember being so nervous and saying to the taxi driver, "this is the first time that I will have seen my Dad in 14 years", and the taxi driver being really kind to me, and saying "I will wait in the car, until he opens the door and you go in. I will wait to see that you are okay".

I knocked on the door and my dad was there and we spent some hours together. He was pleasant enough, and he said that he did want to see me in the future.

However when I arrived back to my country he posted me a letter. The letter said, "About your shock visit, I know when you were here I said I wanted to renew contact, but I have thought about it and changed my mind. I do not want to see you again. The bond is gone".

And I never saw him again until he died two years ago. As you can imagine it was very painful and I still cry about it to this day.

I was wondering, has anyone else gone through the same thing?

Another one here abandoned by their Father. I posted something on Facebook just a jokey post and my step mother took great offence about it and gave me hell about how I supposedly was a horrible child and my father would have nothing more to do with me. I was confused and sobbed for hours neither of my brothers speak to me either. I still have no idea what I did wrong and even people who saw the whole thing on facebook have no idea.
He was never a big part of my life anyway having come into it when I was 15 and having seen me maybe 10 times in the next 15 years.
It fucking hurts though and I still wonder what I did wrong reposting that joke that was nothing to do with anyone.

He did reject me, yes but I also rejected him when I saw later in life how pathetic he was as a father.

When I was really young he would come in and out of my life but I always felt like an afterthought. He would go weeks without seeing my brothers and I but would then come to the house and be full of energy and he was really cool. I idolised him and was quite mean to my mum throughout that time. I had my daughter young and didn't pick the best father and the veil was lifted from my eyes, I finally saw my dad for what he was and for how little he had given us that I started to pull away. I stopped answering calls and when he came to the house I wouldn't invite him in, I'd just quickly chat to him on the front step. He just stopped trying and went on to have another daughter with his now wife. Through being a mother I could finally see how fantastic my mum was and I've never really looked back.

I'm a much better person for realeasing him from my life, I know I'm a great person and if he couldn't see that when I needed him as a child he sure as hell doesn't deserve my time and attention now.

Both my parents ran away - they divorced in 1960 and neither wanted custody of me. My mother remarried and was supposed o see me monthly but this was variable and my father joined the army and served in the Far East until I was 16. I lived with my paternal grandparents. Its horrendous and I'll never really understand it

Yes. When I was 14 my dad sat me down and told me that if I left home, he wouldn't look for me. I was the family scapegoat and my siblings also treated me badly. They have no time for me. If I call, they tell me they've got 10 minutes or there is no battery on their phones. I'm not on the group family emails. My mum told me a few years ago that there are plenty of other people she can spend Christmas with other than me.

I haven't spoken to my dad for 20 years. I haven't spoken to my mum for three and my siblings for varying years.

I've been rejected by my whole family so I know how it feels like and that kind of shaming and dislike, stays with you for life.

I'm sorry your dad was so cruel.

I think some people forget how common it actually is.

I haven’t seen or heard from my mother (or her side of the family) since I was 17. It’s no loss not having contact with her, she’s a horrible person. But I still miss my grandparents, although admittedly they may not even be alive.

I have seen my dad maybe 3-4 times in the last 15 years, all when he wanted something.

The fact I don’t see them doesn’t bother me, it’s the fact that your own parents should be the people who love you unconditionally. When you’re own parents don’t love you, that’s really hard to rationalise.

I’m almost ‘lucky’ that lots of people I know are in the same situation for the same reason, so it isn’t something I have to explain very often.

Not me but a friend.

Had what you'd consider a positive relationship with her parents (and with her children as GP's) until her DM sadly died unexpectedly in her mid sixties.

Within 9 months her Dad had re-married and moved in with his new wife and soon after sold the family home (without telling them) and threw away/sold her mothers things without ever asking her or her sibling if they wanted anything to remember their mother by.

He no longer liked her (or her sibling and his grandchildren) to visit as it upset his new wife and it was not "the family home". New wife didn't want anything to do with them - they weren't even invited to the wedding.

Sporadically met up with them alone on neutral ground but only after many excuses and these meetings were uncomfortable and brief.

At the same time he was apparently posting on social media pictures of him with his wife, her children/grandchildren referring to his wonderful family.

It's was obviously incredibly painful - a trifecta of hurt, the loss of her mother, the behaviour of her father and trying to explain to her children why they hardly ever saw Grandpa any more.

In the end she and her sibling went no contact until about 5 year later when he contacted them wanting to get in touch to get to know his grandchildren.

Turned out his new wife had died and her "wonderful" children had chucked him out of the house they now owned.

Both siblings told him to get stuffed.

I've got no idea what motivates people to behave like this but you do see quite a few threads on here and it's very common for men it seems to abandon one family for another regardless of blood ties following re-marriage.

I can only surmise they value the benefit they gain from the new relationship over any pre-existing ties (however close) - fundamentally they are just very self centred.

@WhenPushComesToShove it helped a lot. Thank you for reaching out. Sometimes we need other people to talk to is.

How could be reject me, when he didnt really know me ❤️

My parents had 4 of us but ignore the existence of my brother and I (we are the eldest two, both have good jobs, lovely marriages and beautiful children - who also get ignored), they are always there for the younger two though (who flit from crap job and relationship/drama constantly, who have children who are nightmares), they used to spend time with me but only if they were benefitting (paid for many a holiday in an attempt to bond). There was lots went on as children (emotions, physical and some sexual abuse) which I tried to paper over in an attempt to be “normal”. Lockdown made me stop and do some soul searching, I’m now NC with all but my brother. Mentally I’ve never been in such a good place.