Childbirth and parents!

[Nicknamegoeshere]

So I'm due a baby in the next couple of weeks. I share care with my ex (court enforced) although six years on he still makes life extremely difficult.

I'm planning a homebirth. The issue is if I go into labour when they are with us. My eldest (13) wants to go to his dad's while I labour but my youngest (10) may wish to stay at home.

My mum who lives within walking distance has asked why youngest can't go to hers as she is socially isolating and has been for weeks. I've explained that he could but only in an emergency situation, not just because I'm in labour if that makes sense? We must stick to the rules.

AIBU?

@Herpesfreesince03 No but you would think it reasonable releasing them to my OH. He won't do that though as he is a "stranger."

Can’t your partner drive you to collect the children if you aren’t well enough to drive after the birth?

Can you link thread with all the background?

I agree with you op, he’s obviously just trying to make your life more difficult. But at the same time he’s sticking to the court order. If you were to have the baby in the hospital then you’d have to travel home after whether you were driving/getting a lift/taxi. It would be just as easy to jump in the car to pick your other kids up, most people have to do it when having their second or more child

Your mum's just going to have to be mad and then get over it, unfortunately it's the way things are at this time. My ex mother in law passed away last month never having met her great granddaughter as she was born during lockdown and her son's haven't even been able to hug their grieving dad. You've enough to worry about without dealing with your mum's tantrum just focus on getting through the next few weeks.

@crazymare20 that’s where I’m not understanding what the big issue is. I don’t think he’s expecting to hand over the children only if the op’s made her own way there herself and is alone. Someone can drive her or she could get a taxi. I’ve had to get a taxi back for all 3 of my births, the 3rd one I had to stop at my daughters school to pick them up an hour and a half after I gave birth

@SimplySteveRedux Erring on the side of caution re that as he will be evidence hunting iyswim?

@crazymare20 Yes, I can go with OH in car to collect kids potentially. What I'm annoyed with is that any reasonable person would not expect me to after just delivering or say that the cohabiting fiancé of the other party is a "stranger" after years of being together!!!

@TheArtfulScreamer1 I agree entirely. It's not helped by the fact she was diagnosed with Stage 3 cancer 18 months ago so she knows time is precious x

No a reasonable person would not expect you to but your ex is playing games hoping to get the upper hand. Don’t play into his hands, arrange to collect your children as normal and document that he has refused to hand over to your fiancée or expected you to pick up after giving birth. This shows he is being unreasonable and not putting the children’s best interests first. If you end up going to court the judge won’t like this behaviour.

I wouldn't allow eldest to go to his Dads.
Send them both to your mums or he can stay at home.
He may kick off. In fact he thinks he rules the roost so it's pretty much guaranteed.

Just be firm.
No darling. It is my time with you as stated by the court so you will stay with me.'

No DS. I will be unable to collect you from your dads and due to your previous behaviour of not coming home when you're supposed to it's not a risk I'm going to take'

DS. I have said no that is the end of this discussion.