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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have called them all selfish idiots?

60 replies

finneganlikesvinnegan · 10/05/2020 20:34

There is a FB group for my DD8's school class parent's. I'd say around half of the mum's (including me) are in the group but the group is massively dominated by 6/7 mums who are all friends and frequently make plans with each other. Anybody else who posts or asks a question often gets ignored but that's beside the point.

One particular mum, will call her L, lives on a huge farm with lots of land and a big cottage. I know this as DD went to a whole class party there last year.

Now, naturally since Covid-19 shut the school the FB group has gone silent but today L posted pictures of her DD along with the DC of some of the other people in the group saying what a lovely time the children had having a campout on their farmland on Saturday night. From what I gather, she invited around 6 DC and they turned up. There's pictures of them all eating in the house, playing on the fields (in close proximity) and having a campfire with tents etc.

A close friend of mine recently lost her lovely mum to Covid-19 so I saw red and wrote quite a long-winded rant calling them selfish and stating how they are putting their DC in danger. Now I'm not a curtain twitcher and certainly don't give a flying fuck about Carol down the road walking her dog 3 times a day as an excuse to get out, but this seemed to be really taking the piss. Logged off to have a bath and calm down. Log on again just a few minutes ago to see that I've been removed from the group and blocked by L.

Now I'm dreading DD going back to school and having to face them in the playground. Did I overreact? Surely I didn't? It just doesn't half piss me off that I'm following lockdown in a tiny fucking terrace with 2 primary aged kids, a toddler and a garden the size of a bath, and yet these people with all of their lovely land and money can't even adhere to the restrictions slightly.

OP posts:
stopandListen · 10/05/2020 22:42

Well it happened and you calling them out on it won't change anything, would've secretly thought the same but learnt from past experiences it's not always best to voice your opinion, especially on social media.
Other mums probably thought the same as you, don't stress over it.

Bojohair · 10/05/2020 22:47

And I like people like you OP because you go against the wibbling bystanders who worship the Queen Bee Wink.

FreddieFlintstone · 10/05/2020 22:48

I would have felt the same but once people have done something like that it's not like they can go back and undo it. Also, calling people idiots will never go down well even if they are. It was crazy of them to do it it's their risk.

CuppaZa · 10/05/2020 22:53

Fuck ‘em OP. Well done. There’s probably a few other mums silently giving you around of applause. Call a spade a spade. They are twats. If they don’t like it they can remove and block, as they did. Hardly a loss to you. Ignore in the playground

DdraigGoch · 10/05/2020 22:53

They didn't like hearing a few home truths. Sod them.

namechangetheworld · 10/05/2020 22:53

I would have seen red too OP, but I'm far too much of a chicken to say anything.

The families who live either side of us have been in and out of each others houses for the entire weekend and haven't even tried to hide it. They then all have the gall to clap and cheer for the NHS every Thursday. I wish I had the balls to tell them they're being selfish, hypocritical arseholes. Good for you.

CuppaZa · 10/05/2020 22:54

If I was one of the other mums, I’d actively seek you out in the playground and high five you

DingDongDenny · 10/05/2020 23:05

I think you might make more friends than lose them

pictish · 10/05/2020 23:19

“You won’t change people like that with their obnoxious behaviour. People tend to run in packs and turn on anyone who sticks their neck out, even when they are right.”

100%

Fairyliz · 10/05/2020 23:27

Well they were being stupid but it’s not just people who live in big houses who are stupid. My neighbour who lives in a not very big house had a party for about 4 hours yesterday and there were people from at least five households there.

squeekums · 11/05/2020 00:36

what response did you expect though?
a "oh yeah your so right we are idiots, thanks for showing us the error of our ways" cos that would never have happened
Id say its a normal response to remove and block.

Should have kept your mouth shut for your DD sake, you may just be ignored at school gate, their kids though may be taught by them to exclude your DD openly and yes while thats on them not to be dicks, is it worth your DD being the one to deal with the ongoing fallout.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 11/05/2020 03:40

'' If you are not their mum or their priest, you have no business harping on at them"

Normally I'd agree... If we WERE NOT IN MIDDLE OF PANDEMIC...

It's everyone's business they will Inadvertently impact..

The science knows that people can be asymptomatic and STILL INFECTIOUS

So at least 7 households were mixed.... So at a minimum of 20+ people....

So any elderly /ill people living with these kids... Their elderly grans, their ill grandfather who is on his last course of Chemo....the ill people their dad sees as a carer, the ill people their mum sees as an A&e consultant...

All are put at risk... So this woman can have her kids party.

Pure thoughtlessness, pure selfishness

OldCow1 · 11/05/2020 06:18

I feel for you Op. Like a pp said, mean girls. They sound horrible 1. For taking the risk, 2. For putting photos up when other kids weren't invited. Sadly, coronavirus can hit anybody. Shame it doesn't target vile twars.

OldCow1 · 11/05/2020 06:19

Twats, not twars

Jenasaurus · 11/05/2020 06:23

Thats made me angry too OP and I dont know L,but she obviously has a blatant disregard for the current pandemic and her needs not only trump others, she was posting about it and couldnt see what she did was selfish and inappropriate.

I think your response was probably a bit unwise but as your friends recently lost someone to COVID I can see why this would enrage you

Bluntness100 · 11/05/2020 06:33

On one side of this op you’re being righteous about their behaviour and deciding it’s your place to call them out on it and chastise them.

On the other side is some clear underlying envy about their financial position versus your own. You even know they will spot the envy in your actions.

And yes it may have repercussions for your daughter. She may loose invites because the adults don’t want you present. These people are not your friends, they are simply the parents of kids your child goes to school with.

What’s done is done, but in future it’s best to acknowledge who people are to you, and what position you’re able to take with them, and the impacts of your actions on others, before going on the attack.

As much as they broke the rules, the likely hood is the only person who did some actual damage is you, and that damage is likely only to be to you and your child.

eaglejulesk · 11/05/2020 06:34

They are selfish idiots, and when DD returns to school and you meet them I would simply ignore them. I would be happy to be blocked from the FB group also - they don't sound very bright to be honest! Hold your head up high OP, people like that aren't worth wasting time on. Flowers

livefornaps · 11/05/2020 08:37

If I were you, I would have tweeted the damning screenshots directly to Piers Morgan so that he could call them a complete and utter fucking disgrace on national TV

Truthpact · 11/05/2020 08:53

If I were you, I would have tweeted the damning screenshots directly to Piers Morgan so that he could call them a complete and utter fucking disgrace on national TV

Oh now that would have been funny. Hell if you still have the messages, send them. They will know its you regardless, but it's still funny. They are a bunch of twats and deserve it.

It's incredible that someone on here said 'unless you are their mum or their priest you have no business harping on at them'. How old school is that view? Where does that line end at not getting involved? Hmm

Wouldn't worry about it op. Do you really want friends like that who are that stupid? As someone else said, money can't buy you intelligence. I wouldn't want to be friends with

CrazyTimesAreOccurring · 11/05/2020 09:03

Not sure why a PP or two have said mind your own business, she made it your business when she posted it to all and sundry.
If people make things public, then you have the right to make your opinion known publicly. It's like if people have a street row in front of me, I have the right to get involved. If they don't like people having an opinion, then keep it private ffs
Good on you.

Tanith · 11/05/2020 09:13

If there’s a need, why not set up a class group yourself?

lynzpynz · 11/05/2020 09:25

With the benefit of hindsight I'd have called them out too, but I'd probably have had to go away and calm down then worded my post to shame them, mentioning the people you know who have suffered because of this thing. They won't care, they won't like hearing hard truths but then I didn't enjoy hearing about the 3 people who have died close to me either. My friend who has had a (sadly failed) kidney transplant in the midst of this is not allowed out the house even to exercise, only for dialysis and she's stuck in a flat completely in her own recovering from the failed op, transplants currently ground to a halt, whilst her mum drops shopping at her door and is desperate to comfort her (as are we all).

Absolutely sick of people minimising, deflecting and excusing totally self-absorbed bubble behaviour like this. Taken individually this event may seem trivial to some but its a massive F U to everyone trying, despite it being really damn hard for us ALL with our individual mental health and circumstances, to follow the guidance. Folk with large homes and gardens are the lucky ones here.

Do feel for your child in all this as they are totally innocent here but will likely be ostracised in future by the 'gang'. I'd be making sure all the other parents and if it becomes necessary, teachers, get the full facts about this situation out there pronto. Do not minimise what or how you said what you said as they'll try to use it against you, but explain why you reacted so up front.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 11/05/2020 09:35

YABU to tell them they're putting their children at risk if you look at the statistics.

Footywife · 11/05/2020 09:36

Yes. You overreacted. It wasn't your place to go off at everyone. Your household situation is not their problem.

PlanDeRaccordement · 11/05/2020 09:41

YANBU
But I understand your fear that they will punish your children via their children once school opens back up. People that smug and above the law attitude are more likely to vindictively get back at other people through their children.

Next time, take a screen shot and post it here on mumsnet so you can vent to us about their idiocy without anyone knowing who in the FB group did the post.