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Original poster

What age do DC stop wanting affection?!

41 replies

User68953378975 · 10/05/2020 19:55

My older DC (9,12 & 14) don’t like being touched or cuddled anymore. My youngest two (18 months & 3) want cuddles and affection all the time. Am I doing something wrong or is this normal for older DC?

OP posts:
Walnutwhipster · 10/05/2020 20:04

They havent. I still hug them and kiss them. It's been so odd not being able to with DS1 who lives five minutes away. They're 24, 15 and 13.

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/05/2020 20:06

My 9 yo definitely still wants cuddles.

SomeoneElseEntirelyNow · 10/05/2020 20:06

My DD is still a baby but the only time i recall not wanting affection from my mum as a teen was when i was deeply depressed and suicidal. Otherwise, yes please cuddles all the time.

Justmuddlingalong · 10/05/2020 20:06

I think they all go through phases. It's sad but doesn't last forever.

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 10/05/2020 20:07

DS 17 still comes for hugs.

CherryPavlova · 10/05/2020 20:08

I’d have thought on their aged deathbed. Most people want affection and touching has a really positive impounds mental health and physical health like blood pressure.

Mine are all still quite huggy with partners, but also with us. It’s the hardbit of lockdown- being able to talk and see but not touch. They feel it too.

Gallacia · 10/05/2020 20:09

I never wanted affection, I love my mum but it made me cringe. No idea why, I'm sure we had cuddles as a kid.

I cuddle my baby all the time, plan to always give cuddles. I'll be so sad if he ever stops wanting affection

Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese · 10/05/2020 20:10

I'm a very affectionate person and never stopped wanting hugs from my parents, however DB went through a stage at about 12 where having hugs from mum and dad was embarrassing, he refused until he was finished school and going to uni.
I don't think I've seen DH cuddle his family in the 12 years we've been together.

Porcupineinwaiting · 10/05/2020 20:10

I think it's a very variable, both between individuals and families. We're pretty demonstrative as a family, my 12 year old is still pretty cuddly, 14 year old will cuddle up next to me in front of telly or give the occasional hug but its v much on his terms these days.

Haggisfish · 10/05/2020 20:10

I think lots of people on heir death bed really want a physical touch as well. It’s a basic human need.

vanillandhoney · 10/05/2020 20:11

I still love a hug or cuddle from my mum and I'm in my thirties!

I probably went through a brief phase when I was a teenager of finding I embarrassing though Grin

Original poster
User68953378975 · 10/05/2020 20:12

I do tell them I love them daily and hair ruffle, kiss them goodnight and tuck them in every night try to hug when I get the opportunity. Feel like I’ve done something wrong along the way that they don’t come for cuddles anymore though.

OP posts:
june2007 · 10/05/2020 20:13

My DS is narly tenstill very cuddly, dd is almost 13 and less so.

Ilovecats23 · 10/05/2020 20:18

It’s definitely dependent on the person IMO.
I love my mum dearly but honestly hate being hugged, it just makes me feel really uncomfortable. No idea why! But I was a ‘cuddly child’ apparently.
My sister in law is alllll about the hugs and hugs her mum constantly.
I think some people just don’t like hugging!

topcat2014 · 10/05/2020 20:19

Hopefully never!

Samtsirch · 10/05/2020 20:22

My son made it clear he found physical affection uncomfortable from about the age of 13.
I remember feeling horribly rejected at the time but had to respect his boundaries.
It only lasted about 4 years, he’s in his 20s now and is very affectionate.He says he remembers feeling awkward and self conscious when puberty hit, so he didn’t want to be physically close to anyone during that time.

Undies1990 · 10/05/2020 20:24

Less cuddling when they turned about 11 or 12 I think. Although we do still show affection now in late teens, but less so.

MarshaBradyo · 10/05/2020 20:26

10 year old still wants a good night hug every night but 15 not really any any more. I might ask on an odd occasion if he wants a hug, if upset over something.

TawnyPippit · 10/05/2020 20:27

I think what shifts as they become teens is that it is on their terms. My 16 year old DD will occasionally snuggle up with me on the sofa to watch tv or will come directly for a hug when she is upset. But it becomes their call, not yours. I’m ok with that and remember/understand it.

MrsMop1964 · 10/05/2020 20:28

Just asked my 16 year old. Her view on the subject was 'of course it's normal at that age when you think you are too cool for your parents, but now I'm older I want them again.'
She did add a final comment - ' but I'm not stuck to you !.'

IceBearRocks · 10/05/2020 20:29

Jeez my mum died aged 68 ,and at 38...I still sat on her and cuddled her ! All my kids are cuddly and they are 12, 10 and 9!

Samtsirch · 10/05/2020 20:32

Apart from maybe Katie Price.
😂

BadMoon · 10/05/2020 20:34

DS14 has always been very huggy, and that hasn't changed even though we have had a very tough year with him. DD was always the one who pulled away when she was younger (I have often suspected she has very high functioning ASD) - now she is 16, she often comes up to me and asks for a hug - I find it very moving.

mrsBtheparker · 10/05/2020 20:35

They come back when they're older, hugging is often deemed uncool in their teens but when they have more worldly experience it changes.

Chungus · 10/05/2020 20:35

My 8 year old still wants cuddles all the time. She has hated kisses for years though.

Surely no one actually enjoys having their hair ruffled?

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