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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wibu to do this?

38 replies

Lemononachair · 09/05/2020 14:51

I have a close friend who is a professional photographer and just before lockdown she finally managed to get a new studio space to work in which she was very excited about as she’s wanted one for ages. Has now got more room for her props/lighting set up etc. She does ‘boudoir’ type glamour shoots mostly, illusion nudes sometimes but nothing pornographic or too racy.

She has asked in the past if I would let her photograph me so she can try out some of her new set up. I have always said no as I am quite shy and not confident in my body at all although secretly I would really love to do it because her work is amazing and I know the pictures would come out really nice.

Being in lockdown has given me a lot to think about recently, I have a milestone birthday coming up and I’m 99% certain I won’t be able to do anything to celebrate it which is really sad as I love doing something special for my birthday. I decided that this is probably my best shot at getting some beautiful pictures of myself in which I will look my best and be something nice to look back on, especially since I’m not getting any younger. I feel sure it would give my confidence and self esteem a real boost to see myself looking as good as I know she can make me look and it would coincide nicely with my birthday.

Only thing is, being as she is struggling for clients at the moment, she has said that I can have the shoot for free but only if she can use the photos in her website/social media/portfolio, which is totally fair enough as she has had this arrangement with other models in the past. I don’t have a problem with this. I’m just wondering if I would regret it if I go ahead. It’s one thing to have private pictures but another to have them on social media. Would I be humiliating myself?

OP posts:
Unravellingslowly · 09/05/2020 14:56

I couldn’t do it.
I, after weight loss, would love a picture but no way would I want someone passing me in the street and wondering why I look familiar then twigging they had seen my pics on SM.

Sameold2020 · 09/05/2020 14:57

Pictures for yourself- great, but not for public consumption.

GenevaL · 09/05/2020 15:02

No, no, no - god no!

AnneOfCloves · 09/05/2020 15:04

Hell no!

LaurieFairyCake · 09/05/2020 15:07

Awful idea if you can see your face

As guarantee someone will copy it and show an employer/wank over it/blackmail you

Sparklesocks · 09/05/2020 15:07

I would only do it if it was just for me, not if they were going to be used for advertising or to show other potential clients.

Sunbird24 · 09/05/2020 15:07

If they’re boudoir photos or artistically lit, your face may not even be visible. If you don’t feel comfortable don’t do it, but if she’s your friend she’ll do everything she can to make sure you’re happy with the pictures, and you can review them together afterwards to see which ones you’d be ok with her using for publicity. I did something similar when I was younger and slimmer, and I’m so glad I did as I now have proof that with a bit of effort back then I could be fairly attractive (didn’t think so at the time, but isn’t that always the way?)

Sirzy · 09/05/2020 15:09

If your not sure your comfortable enough to have them done at all then I certainly wouldn’t be agreeing to them being used for publicity

june2007 · 09/05/2020 15:10

My friend di one with paint, it looks fantastic. (If your brave enough and trust her then go for it.)

Sameold2020 · 09/05/2020 15:35

There's a school mum who had hers as her profile picture on fb. I mean, WTF!!!

yellowbrickwhorl · 09/05/2020 15:41

If this person is such a close friend and you have a milestone birthday coming up, I'm surprised that she hasn't offered to take some photos as a gift, rather than make it conditional.

Hmm
TheHighestSardine · 09/05/2020 15:55

I'd probably go for it. If she could get portfolio/advertising quality pics out of a naked me, I'd be dead chuffed.

Iloveplacentas · 09/05/2020 15:58

Go for it! Ask her to only include ones where you can’t see your full face or recognise you if you’re worried, or ones where you’re more clothed

SuckingDownDarjeeling · 09/05/2020 16:12

I would definitely go for it if I had this opportunity! I'm sure if you hated the pictures she wouldn't put them up on SM as you wouldn't want to keep them anyway, but from what you're saying it sounds like you'll fall in love with them and yourself as a result ☺️. Especially for a milestone birthday. Nobody loses!

WorraLiberty · 09/05/2020 16:13

No I wouldn't do it.

Obviously her website is going to be public because that's the whole point of advertising.

The thought of anyone including work colleagues seeing me in my underwear makes me cringe.

WorraLiberty · 09/05/2020 16:15

I'm sure if you hated the pictures she wouldn't put them up on SM as you wouldn't want to keep them anyway

See now this is worth thinking about.

She may be the OP's friend, but she's also a business woman. If she's gone to all the time and effort to take photos that she as a photographer feels best represents her work, will she care about what the OP thinks?

CrazyToast · 09/05/2020 16:28

Boudoir pics aren't seedy or revealing, sexual or involving nudity. They are elegant, artistic and tasteful and sensual. I personally have never seen one which was X-rated or racier than most glossy mag adverts etc.

However, not everyone would be comfortable with any pic being on a site, so it is your call.

Perhaps you could take a couple of shots just for the site where your face is mostly hidden by hair or a fan or feather boa or artistic lighting?

Overall, whatever you decide about the website, definitely do the shoot, it will be the most fun ever and you'll love the shots! Have fun xxx

WorraLiberty · 09/05/2020 16:35

Overall, whatever you decide about the website, definitely do the shoot, it will be the most fun ever and you'll love the shots! Have fun xxx

But then she'd have to pay for them if she didn't want them on the website.

JasonPollack · 09/05/2020 16:36

Why don't you just pay her for them and then you don't have to worry about that aspect?

Dontjudgeme101 · 09/05/2020 16:39

Don’t do it, you will regret it. What happens, if later you fall out with your friend. She could use those photos against you.

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 09/05/2020 16:44

Oh, I'd absolutely love to do it. If you're not going to, give her my number Blush

Go for it. Enjoy the experience. Have a great time Smile

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 09/05/2020 16:45

There's a school mum who had hers as her profile picture on fb. I mean, WTF!!!

And? If I got some professional shots, they'd be used as my profile pic too.

lynzpynz · 09/05/2020 16:47

I'd either pay her and keep them for myself, or say yes she can use them for website but only if your identity is obscured i.e. the ones on the website are shot in such a way that you can't see your face or for example you wear an in character eye mask for any public ones which you are comfortable means you won't be identifiable etc.

bridgetreilly · 09/05/2020 16:53

I would talk to her about your concerns, say you want to do it, but also that you want a veto over any photos that will be used publicly.

WyfOfBathe · 09/05/2020 17:07

I wouldn't allow anything where I wasn't clothed to be used publically. I won't put bikini pics etc on social media. Partly because I'm a teacher and really don't need them circulating the school! Even if I wasn't, there are plenty of people who I don't want to see me undressed - my godfather or uncle, for example.

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