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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have MIL over when DP goes back to work?

35 replies

VodkaCranberry2 · 09/05/2020 14:40

New mum to a 4.5 week old. Had 0 help due to lockdown and from when I was 34 weeks. Partner goes back to work next week in a busy supermarket. Pretty anxious about doing everything alone with no help, as I’m high risk for PND due to having bipolar disorder. I know I’m no exception though. But I would like some help, naturally. Would it be unreasonable to have my MIL over a couple of times a week to help out? Even with lockdown still in place and social distancing rules? Or should I not? Obviously I don’t want to break the rules I’m just anxious and stressing over it. My partner is more at risk than she is, but of course I want to do right by my baby but also to have good mental health so I can be the best for him. Any advice would be appreciated.

OP posts:
PinkSpring · 09/05/2020 14:41

I would do it. You got to do what's best for you

occa · 09/05/2020 14:43

I would do it. Don't feel guilty about it either.

DelurkingAJ · 09/05/2020 14:43

Would you wish to and have space to have her to stay? I guess merging households feels more comfortable to me but may not work for all manner of reasons.

I agree, given the circumstances, and if she’s willing, I would do so (I think it would broadly fit into helping someone vulnerable, no?).

crazybutkind · 09/05/2020 14:43

I understand how hard it is. My husband is still working I am 34 weeks pregnant and have a toddler Iv had no help for 8 weeks now and I am now losing sleep about the thought of having my baby and toddler by myself when he goes back to work after 2 wks paternity. I could really do with MIL help but as things are at the moment I just can't.

It's a case of survival for now take each day as it comes. I am thinking of you x

NoMorePoliticsPlease · 09/05/2020 14:44

Not really

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 09/05/2020 14:47

Yes if she moves in and self isolates first and is happy to be childcare and take the risk of being in your household.

She might not want to do the childcare though. Twice a week is a lot.

buckeejit · 09/05/2020 14:49

I think if she's really happy to do it then it's fine. You might want to speak to your GP. If either of you are concerned, it may be possible for them to issue a letter 'allowing' it.

Congratulations on your baby!

Gawdsake2020 · 09/05/2020 15:14

Would make more sense to move her in. Does she want to do the child care? Two days a week to look after someone else’s newborn is quite a bit of responsibility..

Reallynowdear · 09/05/2020 15:20

Only if she moves in, the guidelines have been put in place to keep us all safe.

Eskarina1 · 09/05/2020 15:25

Nannies are still allowed to travel in to your home. If you've been officially told you're at high risk of pnd then I would consider her coming to look after your baby under that category

BlackandGold · 09/05/2020 15:29

But it's only to help out and lend some support to the OP. She won't have sole charge of the baby.

Toomuchspinach · 09/05/2020 15:29

I’d do it in a heartbeat!

jimmyjo · 09/05/2020 15:35

Don't hesitate do it , get the support

Boudicabooandbulldogs · 09/05/2020 15:47

I think you should do this, especially if you have a good bond with MIL are you getting any MH support from your GP.

user1497787065 · 09/05/2020 15:51

Why don't you wait and see how you manage alone. My DH picked me up from hospital at 12noon and went back to work at 2pm and I wouldn't have had it any other way.

RoseGoldCloud · 09/05/2020 15:59

A nanny can work so that might provide an option for you. I suppose your MIL could be your nanny if she is low risk

‘If you provide paid-for childcare in a child’s home, you can go to your place of work - this is in line with Government guidance that you can travel to work if working from home is not possible. However, it is important that you take as many precautions as possible in line with Public Health England guidance.’

Please be sensible tho. I’d suggest you use someone who won’t be mixing with other households or travelling on public transport for example

Carm44 · 09/05/2020 16:02

If you get along well then definitely do it!

Runkle · 09/05/2020 16:08

Do it.

Di11y · 09/05/2020 16:10

you're putting your mil at risk as your dh is a shop worker. I'd say it depends how old she is and any other health conditions. it's not about your baby it's about her.

Soon2BeMumof3 · 09/05/2020 16:12

Do it.

Congratulations op Thanks

mummypie17 · 09/05/2020 16:18

I think if your MIL is low risk and willing then I would go for it. PND can be horrific.

Original poster
VodkaCranberry2 · 09/05/2020 16:31

Thanks everyone. It would only be a couple hours twice a week and she really wants to do it. But I’ll try it on my own and see how I get on and see if restrictions are relaxed over this time x

OP posts:
stretchedmarks · 09/05/2020 16:34

I would.

Anyone who comes on here and genuinely suggests that a mother to a newborn who needs support should suffer alone just because of CV guidance is a different kind of stupid.

PND is no picnic. OP, get yourself a good support network and while you can take precautions, don't struggle. I'd say tomorrow things will start to relax, anyway, and what you plan to do will be 'acceptable'.

And, again. Anyone who comes on here with a shitty "STAY AT HOME NO MIXING" rant- fuck off.

Lemonpink88 · 09/05/2020 16:42

Sounds like ur MIL lower risk than your DH if he’s face to face with customers- do it