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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have MIL over when DP goes back to work?

35 replies

VodkaCranberry2 · 09/05/2020 14:40

New mum to a 4.5 week old. Had 0 help due to lockdown and from when I was 34 weeks. Partner goes back to work next week in a busy supermarket. Pretty anxious about doing everything alone with no help, as I’m high risk for PND due to having bipolar disorder. I know I’m no exception though. But I would like some help, naturally. Would it be unreasonable to have my MIL over a couple of times a week to help out? Even with lockdown still in place and social distancing rules? Or should I not? Obviously I don’t want to break the rules I’m just anxious and stressing over it. My partner is more at risk than she is, but of course I want to do right by my baby but also to have good mental health so I can be the best for him. Any advice would be appreciated.

OP posts:
Suzie6789 · 09/05/2020 16:45

I’d do it.

Suzie6789 · 09/05/2020 16:54

I meant I’d do it in your position. The govt say there is help out there for mental health, although I it found really hard to access any general non emergency treatment at the moment, so I’d say prevention is better than cure.

lpchill · 09/05/2020 17:01

Us and our neighbours have brought in our mum/MIL to live with us to help with childcare plus they are on there own so where both suffering mentally.

Bluecushioned · 09/05/2020 17:18

100% do it. I had my own mum over this week as could feel mental health seriously deteriorating with being locked down with a new baby. It really helped to have that support after 7 weeks not seeing anyone.
You have to take care of yourself to take care of your baby. If that means MIL helping, go for it.

mummypie17 · 09/05/2020 17:23

@stretchedmarks I agree with you completely.

Reallynowdear · 09/05/2020 21:14

@stretchedmarks

I could cry at your post.

The OP was looking for genuine advice, you've minimised what is actually going on. Watching colleagues die from this virus whist helping those in need is real, devastating and somewhat preventable/manageable if guidelines are followed.

I think you should fuck off.

stretchedmarks · 10/05/2020 00:14

@reallynowdear

I haven't minimised what is going on at all. What I have done is offer my opinion that the OP's mental health is just as important as preventing Coronavirus spread. I'm sorry that you are clearly affected by it more so than others, but there are other things that also matter, and honestly, I'm fed up with sheep on this website bleating the same "Stay At Home" line to people who need additional support. Whether that's due to their mental health, a disability, another illness, etc.

What the OP has suggested is entirely reasonable, and if you consider it logically, someone who is isolating coming to help twice a week is no where near as risky as going shopping or her partner's career choice. But, it provides a lifeline to someone who might need it. The reward hugely outweighs the risk. It is akin to children in separate households continuing to see both parents. Yes, there's added risk there, but the reward of seeing both parents and the impact of that is seen to outweigh it. Similarly, those with learning difficulties being allowed out to exercise more than once a day.

CV guidelines are not a one size fits all template. If someone needs support, then I fully support them in doing so. I think it's incredibly brave for OP to come on here and ask about it, rather than struggling on alone.

Ultimately, we all have to do what we need to, to survive. You can only focus on you. But, please, let others make their own decisions. Attempting to guilt trip someone into carrying a heavier load is not the right way to go about it. So, no, I will not fuck off.

Lavenderpurple · 10/05/2020 00:23

I would. Based on my own experience of being a new mother 2 years ago, I honestly don’t think I would have been here now without the support I received from people outside our home, particularly my Dm.

Butterymuffin · 10/05/2020 00:27

@stretchedmarks You did more than offer an opinion. You said anyone who disagreed was 'a different kind of stupid' and should fuck off. Doesn't really fit with the softened up 'let others make their own decisions' later post in response to someone who's at the sharp end of dealing with Covid. The whole point of restrictions at the moment is that it can't all be a case of 'let people make their own decisions'.

Fromthebirdsnest · 10/05/2020 00:30

Do it OP and I say that as someone who is shielding and who's whole family hasn't left the house since the start of March! X congratulations on your.New baby if you haven't already got one get.a baby wrap\carrier.it honestly helps x

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