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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be fed up of my partner's behaviour?

34 replies

lovemelovemydogs · 09/05/2020 00:40

My partner and I had an argument today over our daughter. He felt that I did not back him. Consequently he told me to "f**k off" and get my stuff and get out of the house. Things I have bought in the house have been taken down and put in the hall for me to take with me. He tells me he has broken all the flowers I have planted in pots and poured away any alcohol I had in the cupboards. Am I being unreasonable to be getting fed up with this?

OP posts:
Sparklesocks · 09/05/2020 00:43

You’re not going back to him surely?

FlaskMaster · 09/05/2020 00:43

That's outrageous, of course that's not ok. Is it his house, in his name and you're unmarried? If so leave with your dd asap. Otherwise tell him to fuck off and get some legal advice about divorce/division of assets.

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/05/2020 00:44

Fed up? You make it sound like he’s not done the dishes the way you like or left a towel on the floor.

He’s broken up with from the sounds of things?

Whose house is it? Who’s looking after your child?

ChandlerIsTheBestFriend · 09/05/2020 00:45

So you’ve left with your child, yes? And you’re somewhere safe?

Am I being unreasonable to be getting fed up with this?

Getting fed up? You should be gone.

chipsandgin · 09/05/2020 00:49

Fed up!? I think I’d level up from what sounds like !? What age is your daughter? Did you leave her with him? Where are you now?

Frozenfan2019 · 09/05/2020 00:50

Clearly he's handled this abominably but could you give a bit more detail? You say he felt you didn't back him.but there.is a massive difference between backing him.over whether she is allowed.sweets and whether she is allowed to have her teenage boyfriend to sleep over so for me the seriousness depends on the seriousness of the offence you didn't back him.up.on.

WorraLiberty · 09/05/2020 00:51

Nowhere near enough detail for anyone to tell you if you're being unreasonable to be fed up.

What's the history?

avamiah · 09/05/2020 00:53

He sounds like a nutter in my opinion but I hope you and your daughter are ok and have left the house.

Original poster
lovemelovemydogs · 09/05/2020 11:03

It’s his house and that’s one of his favorite sayings “it’s my house......”

OP posts:
Dishwashersaurous · 09/05/2020 11:05

Er why on earth are you with someone who treats you like this?

I know it’s difficult at the moment but you need to move out as soon as humanly possible

Original poster
lovemelovemydogs · 09/05/2020 11:06

I stayed in the house overnight. I wasn’t about to be pushed out with no where to go in lockdown!!! This is a common occurrence followed by remorse but I’ve heard it to many times before and know I will hear it again!! But packing ask your stuff up into a car isn’t easy. My DD is 12.

OP posts:
Original poster
lovemelovemydogs · 09/05/2020 11:07

She wouldn’t follow instructions (a common pre teen behaviour) and he lost the plot with her. I told him he’s gone too far.

OP posts:
dontdisturbmenow · 09/05/2020 11:08

Indeed, not enough details. Also a bit odd that he'd poured your alcohol in the sink. Could there an issue with your drinking? Not sure about the link with the plants, unless you spent money on it that was supposed to go on paying the electric bill.

choli · 09/05/2020 11:10

Why did you move into his house? It must have suited you for some reason.

Oxfordnono12 · 09/05/2020 11:11

Do you understand that this is not a good relationship? From what you say, I'm sensing this is the type of person he is. Why are you with him if he treats you like that? Especially when it shows your daughter that it's acceptable to let a man behave like that towards you.

Chickychoccyegg · 09/05/2020 11:11

I'd be a lot more than fed up, he sounds like an absolute arse, who wanted to break up with you anyway, i hope you've now left with dd, and never go back!

Noconceptofnormal · 09/05/2020 11:11

He's disgusting. He's made it clear that it's his house and he doesn't want you or your daughter in it. He's showing you who he is so listen.

Ive just read that she is his daughter as well, but you do need to find a way of leaving, he will never value or respect you. Do you have any where to go?

Twigletfairy · 09/05/2020 11:14

Well you won't hear it again if you don't go back!

You know that's not normal behaviour right? Why do you keep going back?

GabriellaMontez · 09/05/2020 11:14

He's a beast. Do you have somewhere for you to go?

GabriellaMontez · 09/05/2020 11:15

Also, have you seen a lawyer? Have youbaood towards this house? Do you have an interest in it?

GabriellaMontez · 09/05/2020 11:15

*paid

ConnieDoodle · 09/05/2020 11:17

Youre massively minimising this behaviour. Being very vague. Makes me think youre hiding his actual behaviour as confronting it properly would force you to have to act.

How did he lose the plot?

Elieza · 09/05/2020 11:19

He sounds like an utter arse. He may be pissed off at you but destroying all the stuff you’d bought to make his pad feel like home is just horrible.

He’s shown you loudly and clearly more than once who he is and what he really thinks of your relationship.

The remorse he has shown before probably was because having you around is convenient company for him and he doesn’t want to be alone, as opposed to him wanting to be together with you as a life partner.

He’s using you. He’s violent (so far only the plants have felt it but it’s only a matter of time until he explodes at you with aggression as he seems unable to control his behaviour). He doesn’t love you. You have a child to protect. Time to go permanently. Block and move in with your life. Plenty more fish and all that.

Do you still have your own house that you can return to?

Chloemol · 09/05/2020 11:19

Pack your things, take yourself and your dd somewhere else and stay away from him. He’s no role model is he?

Elieza · 09/05/2020 11:20

Move ON with your life. Stupid fat thumbs ...