To delay my return to work after maternity leave due to Covid?

[ilikebigbuttsandicannotlie]

I had planned to go back at work after my second maternity leave when ds2 was 10 months old in September. Ds2 is now 5 months and to the lockdown and ds1 being home from nursery, he hadn’t had much one on one time. We also haven’t been able to attend his various classes, go to the farm/zoo together, baby play dates etc.

I just feel like he has missed out on a lot if fun stuff I was able to do with ds1. Due to the nature of my job, I’m being asked to confirm now when I will return (not entirely legal but I understand why). I’m not sure whether to return in September or go back after the full year in November.

I’m hoping that by the autumn, things will be a bit more normal so we can have a couple of fun months just the two of us before I return to work (I do 3 days of that makes a difference). The money isn’t an issue as such so, whilst it would be nice, it’s not a dealbreaker. Please help!!

YABU- stick to your plans and return in September.
YANBU - take the extra 2 months

Tia

I would absolutely do it ! Baby one to one is incredibly special ,and this awful pandemic means so many Mums are missing out on this .Dont feel guilty at all .

@Wolfgirrl has it spot on in identifying why some posters who scorn posts like these. Pull the ladder up jack I’m fine kind of attitude.

Yes we know adults get the most out of these classes and babies don’t NEED 1:1 but for them and you it’s nice! If you can afford to them do it. Iv decided not to use my kit days until a couple month before I’m ready to go back, that gets me some more time that’s paid.

I’m also going to try and use my leave so that I go back part time to use it all up - a phased return almost. Hoping my employer Agee’s, my last one did but this one isn’t so sure.

Do what you need to do so that you have no regrets.

I disagree with pp, one on one time is important if ds1 is anything like my ds1 and gets serious fomo, which means he dominates any baby playtime

If you can afford it take the time you won't get the time spent with your child back and everything is a bit up in the air with childcare at the moment

Ive jist extended my mat leave till nov unpaid because i want too i currently have a baby a child to home school and another worried about going to school. Everybody is entitled to take 12 months so i dont see the issue.

Dont listen to the 'entitled and precious' brigade. Most of them have had their maternity leave thank you very much, and now want to go back to acting like it is an all inclusive holiday or something.

ahem... so have you?
If you had to go back to work, you could reasonably complain that you missed out on your maternity leave. The fact that you have had to be home with your baby... that is your maternity leave. The weather has been mainly lovely enough to allow you to take baby out as much as you would have done otherwise.

Babies don't need classes, or get anything out of them.

Have more time with your kids by all means, but you can't pretend that the lockdown has removed chance for you to spend time with them.

If you can afford it & all household members have VERY secure jobs then go for it.

If there is ANY doubt about household financial security then don't go for it.
These are rough times and please don't risk a future financial pig's breakfast for you & all your family for 2/3 months more leave.

I know sod all about maternity leave but is there any way give a date now with the possibility you could change your mind in August?

but you can't pretend that the lockdown has removed chance for you to spend time with them

The OP isn’t saying that though, in fairness.

If you can afford to, then absolutely do it. Maternity leave is very precious. If you can, I’d go for it.

The OP isn’t saying that though, in fairness.

true
but the 5 months old missing out on "fun stuff"? Of course not.

The OP might have missed on days out and coffee group with friends, but that has nothing to do with maternity leave. You can catch up with those on any holiday - or unpaid leave. As long as you are not working when you were not planning to, you haven't missed out of any time whatsoever with your kids.

I’m in a similar position. I’ve just extended from the end of June to end of September.
Not due to the baby group thing, i don’t think either of us have missed out there! My baby is loving having his siblings and dad around all the time and is thriving.
But, it feels wrong to go back when the pandemic is still raging. We have 3 children that need looking after. I’m a keyworker, but dh’s work isn’t very flexible, so him looking after the kids isn’t our best option.
It’s going to be really hard financially. But the mortgage & loan repayment holidays have all been really easy to get and will help a lot.
I’m hoping that some sense of normality will be achievable by the time I go back, or we will be up shit creek!
Enjoy the extra time of with your baby @ilikebigbuttsandicannotlie.

If you can afford to, take the extra time. I would! Obviously only if it wouldn’t put any financial strain.

If I’m honest, I doubt the baby classes will start back up for a while but if you want more time, it’d be nice.

but the 5 months old missing out on "fun stuff"? Of course not.

No the child doesn’t need that. But if the OP wants it, can afford it and work can accommodate then why not? Especially in the current uncertainty.

I took parental leave, tagged it on to my mat leave. If you want to do it, why not? Plenty of people do it.

I definitely don’t feel like I have missed out on time with my dc. In fact, I’ve spent more time with them on lockdown than before as I can’t do anything. Like everyone else, I’ve not been able to get my hair/nails done, occasional brunches with friends on the weekend.

Maybe I should rephrase “fun stuff” and call them experiences. Whilst some people may disagree, I think baby classes are great. Sensory is full of different toys that make noise, lights, bubbles etc. We also did messy play which allows them to experience different textures. I do some messy play at home but can’t emulate all of the different bits in a class as it takes a long time to prepare and set up. Music classes are fun as well. Ds2 hasn’t seen another baby for over 2 months. He also hasn’t seen all the different animals in the zoo and farm, been swimming and all other things that I did with ds1.

Whilst on maternity, we had also planned to go to peppa pig world, glamping, CBeebies world, abroad for a holiday so we are missing family experiences too. Family get togethers, meeting with friends so the dc can play together, picnics in the park etc. Everyone else is in the same boat so I’m sure everyone is wishing they could go out and do things.

A pp mentioned about the weather being lovely and being able to go out for walks etc. Those with a 2 yo know that they don’t quite understand social distancing so they’re not the relaxing walks they were with ds1 showing him the flowers, trees and ducks in the park. Our current walks consist of me half running behind ds1 who loves the freedom of being able to run in the park to make sure he doesn’t get too close to anyone. I’m not engaging as much as I’d like to with ds2.

I am secretly hoping that there will be more of a sense of normality in the autumn which is why I am considering returning later so we can go out and do stuff. I would really need to let them know soonish so they can hire someone for September so it wouldn’t be very fair for me to then change my mind in August.

I totally agree with you OP, I found baby classes really fun and my babies did too (I think )

The petition going round that suggested they were necessary and therefore extra paid leave should be given was very entitled and silly.

However, extra unpaid leave if you can afford it is a totally different story. If I were you, I wouldn’t hesitate in taking it.

I'm in exactly the same scenario OP. I'm a teacher due to return in September, DD is 5 months old. Can't really afford the extra couple of months sadly.. But would dearly love them. My actual rtw date is currently set for the last week before summer.. A little cheeky but really need that pay!

If you can afford it then yes, why not. They're only little for a short time.
I'm pregnant with number 2, early days but I will be taking the full year this time.
Last time I took 9 months, so went back when ds was about 10 months with annual leave, I hated leaving him so young, and that's without a pandemic!

Disagree with 'babies don't need 1-2-1 time' they absolutely do, and not just the baby but the mother too, needs that time.
It's precious time of life.

Disagree with 'babies don't need 1-2-1 time' they absolutely do, and not just the baby but the mother too, needs that time.

Popcat120 Of course babies don’t need 1-2-1 time. They haven’t got a clue who else is in the room with them, and they wouldn’t give a shit if they did.

Mothers may need that time, but don’t dress it up as “for the baby”, because the baby doesn’t need it and that time may be precious for the mum, but for the baby they’re just sleeping and shitting and they won’t remember any of it.

If you can afford it, take the extra 2 months. Like you said you wont regret taking the extra time but you may regret not taking the extra time.

@Lozsmith seriously you are projecting. You might be bored but you baby is not. An 8 month old is not missing going to the library to get new books

As you're a teacher, I can see why you planned to go back in September. If I was a teacher, I'd want to start the school year with my class.

You said you work part-time, 3 days a week. So you'll still have 2 days a week with your baby. If there's a particular group you want to do, and if there's any flexibility about days, you could try and organise it so your non-work day coincides with the group you want to do.

I work part-time (3 days) and returned when DS was 9 months old, I still managed to do nice activities with him on my non-work days.

However, if you feel strongly that you'd like more time on maternity leave, why not compromise and go back after October half term?

@Poptart4
Yeah of course I’m bored, I think a lot of us are. I feel lucky I get to stay at home and safe right now, it’s still hard though.
I’m not projecting onto my child, some days she pushes away every toy I try to play with her, she makes loud noises until you find something else she wants, she then gets bored of that. I don’t think anyone else can tell me how my child is feeling, you don’t know me.
No baby would enjoy being in a dark room with the same toy, just being fed and changed, of course they can get bored.

@heartsonacake Do you have dc? Whilst you are of course entitled to your own opinion, I just find it very bizarre. Using that way of thinking, it’s best to just keep a child in the house without doing anything external to engage or stimulate them until they’re old enough to remember it. My earliest memory is probably aged 4. Does that mean there was no point in my parents doing anything with me before then? I think all of the things our dc are exposed to shapes who they are. Being around a variety of people, seeing new things, listening to different music, trying new foods, reading new books all help a child to develop. Early experiences are key to a childs emotional intelligence and brain development. Plus family days out, birthday parties etc. are also nice experiences for young children.

@LaurieMarlow Baby classes are fun . Agreed about the petition - totally unnecessary to request an extra 3 months paid to go to baby classes. My statutory pay would end at 39 weeks like everyone else so the last few months would be unpaid and then I would go back after 52 weeks. As a teacher, I don’t accrue holiday nor do I think they would be too impressed if I asked for any extra unpaid time after my year off.