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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To delay my return to work after maternity leave due to Covid?

88 replies

ilikebigbuttsandicannotlie · 08/05/2020 19:38

I had planned to go back at work after my second maternity leave when ds2 was 10 months old in September. Ds2 is now 5 months and to the lockdown and ds1 being home from nursery, he hadn’t had much one on one time. We also haven’t been able to attend his various classes, go to the farm/zoo together, baby play dates etc.

I just feel like he has missed out on a lot if fun stuff I was able to do with ds1. Due to the nature of my job, I’m being asked to confirm now when I will return (not entirely legal but I understand why). I’m not sure whether to return in September or go back after the full year in November.

I’m hoping that by the autumn, things will be a bit more normal so we can have a couple of fun months just the two of us before I return to work (I do 3 days of that makes a difference). The money isn’t an issue as such so, whilst it would be nice, it’s not a dealbreaker. Please help!!

YABU- stick to your plans and return in September.
YANBU - take the extra 2 months

Tia

OP posts:
Hercwasonaroll · 08/05/2020 22:25

I'm guessing you're a teacher. Don't underestimate returning mid year.

Starting afresh with classes in Sept can be really beneficial. BUT no ones quite sure what we're going back to.

Waveysnail · 08/05/2020 22:26

Depends on the job you do?

Dishwashersaurous · 08/05/2020 22:28

If you can afford it take as long as possible maternity leave

PippaPegg · 08/05/2020 22:33

Ignore the miserable pp on here. They're out in droves for some reason and jumping on mums of babies. The last thread I was on about mat leave got removed by MN because some people were so nasty.

I'm in a similar position and have decided to take the 12 months. The cost financially to cover the unpaid portion is worth it, as is the drudgery .. I'm hoping nursery will re open before my ML ends, so I can have at least some of the time I wanted with my LO.

Paid childcare was always part of my planned lifestyle. To my mind, mat leave is to care for a new baby not save money on toddler nursery fees. There isn't any shame in that. It's 2020 not 1920.

You won't be able to get that precious time back with LO so if you can afford it, do it.

WhatILoved · 08/05/2020 22:33

Return when you like- I loved my 12 month mat leaves and didn't mind scrimping the pennies in the last few months., However try to think of all the benefits that your two children have earned through spending time together, rather than dwelling on what could have been. All children are different but I love the way my DS2 is able to occupy himself whilst my eldest hAS and has always had to be entertained. I can't help think that it's because ds2 didn't get the 1 on 1 time as a baby (I couldn't afford to keep older one at nursery whilst on mat leave with youngest)

Original poster
ilikebigbuttsandicannotlie · 08/05/2020 22:42

Yes, I’m a teacher Smile. I’m getting bombarded with emails (and text messages!) about when I’m returning as they’re doing the timetable for next year. Also, trying to find a half decent supply in lockdown is tricky. I went back mid year after ds1 and it wasn’t too bad. My plan all along was to return in September as it’s easier all round but with everything going on, I’m just so torn.

I feel slightly robbed of all of the wonderful things I had planned but obviously understand that so many people are suffering so much more. On the flip side, my dh is working from home so has had so much more time with ds2 as a baby than he did with ds1.

We’re very blessed in that, financially, I don’t need to go back so can take the last 2 months unpaid. I think the main thing is that I will never regret having the extra time with my boys but could regret it the other way round.

OP posts:
Original poster
ilikebigbuttsandicannotlie · 08/05/2020 22:48

@PippaPegg I saw a thread that was removed yesterday. At no point in my post did I insinuate I was after 3 months extra paid leave but a pp had to get that in there as a jab. Some people are just nasty.

OP posts:
Lala241280 · 08/05/2020 22:52

Quite simple

If you can afford to defo if not then go back to work

Beckyboom · 08/05/2020 22:53

It’s frustrating when anyone who offers a different opinion is branded as miserable Hmm

Polly111 · 08/05/2020 23:08

I was going to ask why you were planning on going back early if you could afford to be off, but it makes sense if you’re a teacher.

I’d definitely take the full 12 months off, I had 13months off with both of mine including annual leave and it was great.

RememberTheSunnierDays · 08/05/2020 23:15

I would have been off a year at the end of July and like you have a second child. I’m using leave and going back late September as I do feel like my baby is missing out, largely because I’m trying to hone school a five year old and do all the other stuff whilst my partner wfh. It’s so tough and baby is not having the time i would like to give to her. Other posters are right that babies don’t need the classes etc, but I disagree it’s about you. Classes are lovely and do aid development etc. Perk of cake and adult conversation. It would be lovely if it’s safe enough for these to start back up again and you get to go. It will equally be lovely if your eldest can be back at school and you get that time with baby!

Hercwasonaroll · 09/05/2020 08:01

I returned mid year and found it awful so I'm definitely biased!

Do what feels right OP. I'm returning in July as I can't afford not to. Plus I don't think life will be hugely different in September. Will you get a nursery place for your older one if you're still off?

I'd take the time if finances weren't a problem. You'll never get the time back.

Lozsmith · 09/05/2020 08:17

I totally don’t agree that the baby doesn’t get anything from classes and trips out. My baby is 8 months and she is bored right now. The same toys over and over again, not being able to visit the library for new books, she hasn’t seen my family for weeks, we used to go on lots of walks to different places etc. All of that has changed and yeah it’s boring for me, but it’s way harder trying to entertain a baby with the same stuff over and over again.

Before I get jumped on, I support the lockdown and I’m not looking for anything to go back to ‘normal’ anytime soon. I also appreciate how lucky my family and I have been with me being on leave and my DH working from home.

If you can extend your leave and want to then go for it!

BeforeIPutOnMyMakeup · 09/05/2020 08:21

Go back to work in September if you still have a job.

When your kid is 3-4 take more time off to be with them so they are at nursery less. You child may then actually remember it but it's unlikely.

caroloro · 09/05/2020 08:28

Babies don't need classes, that's a relatively recent thing dreamed up to separate us from our money.

However, yannu to want to take more time. Take the year and add the time on for your annual leave as well if you want

Soontobe60 · 09/05/2020 08:30

As you're on mat leave you shouldn't be getting any messages or emails from work!
When you get to the time where you need to notify them of your return date, then do so. In fact, I'd send your Head an email stating that, 'Hi Head, just to let you know that I will be notifying you of my return date on X date as required in the terms and conditions of my employment. Please could you ask X, Y and Z to stop contacting me for this. Love Ilike x'

Also, to whoever said people are being nasty on this thread, no one has been nasty!
Good luck OP, and enjoy the rest of your mat leave x

Soontobe60 · 09/05/2020 08:33

@caroloro
@BeforeIPutOnMyMakeup

The OP is a teacher, teachers can't add holidays onto their mat leave, or take time off any other time just like that!

PinkSpring · 09/05/2020 09:03

I am in the same situation, DS is four months now and I am meant to go back in October. I do feel like my maternity leave has been "tainted" because we can't do all the things we had planned, but I am mostly sad because we had lots of days out and things planned as a family which was more for our DD - baby DS couldn't care less!!

I could take up to November, but it would be unpaid and we cannot afford it so either I extend it by a month and things are very tight or I just go back in October as planned.

I am still trying to be hopeful that over the summer things might be eased enough for us to do some things as a family. I figure they can't lock us down forever and things have to reopen and normality return at some point!!

Gawdsake2020 · 09/05/2020 09:05

YABU if you think everything will be back to normal by then.

OneandTwenty · 09/05/2020 09:08

Classes and outings are exclusively for YOUR benefit, they do strictly nothing for a baby - I am assuming you have a normal life and wouldn't lock him in a cupboard at home Hmm

If you want to spend more time with your baby, of course do so. You don't have babies to plonk them into childcare the minute you can, it's actually enjoyable to be with them.

No need to pretend he missed out on classes and outings. He really couldn't give a monkey at that age.

OneandTwenty · 09/05/2020 09:11

My baby is 8 months and she is bored right now.
you are projecting. If you are normal, an 8 months old doesn't get "bored". You might be, your baby isn't.

You are allowed to go outside with them, plenty to entertain a baby.

Keeva2017 · 09/05/2020 09:11

I’m in the exact same position. You will have people saying you’re being precious but you’re not. It’s ok to be sad for the things you thought you would have had. Ignore anyone who tells you it’s silly, they are unkind and spiteful. If you can add a couple of months then why not.

It’s such a privilege to have maternity leave and for me I won’t be doing it again so I want to make the most of the opportunity.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 09/05/2020 09:11

If you want to take the time then go for it but be realistic that’s it’s for you not the baby. They don’t cate about classes or days out at that age.

You’re unlikely to be able to do much anyway given the situation and would you want to be going here, there and everywhere anyway with a small baby and the virus?

Raaaa · 09/05/2020 09:14

I would say if you can afford it and want the extra months do it Smile I guess the issue is no one knows what state the country is going to be in

I was ready to go back to work after 9 months off but everyone is different t

ScreamingKid · 09/05/2020 09:20

Go for it.