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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Really messed up, and don’t know if I can rectify it.

48 replies

SillyMistake20 · 07/05/2020 20:22

Hi everyone, this may be a long one but I’ll try and keep it as brief as possible.

When I was 3 my mum and stepdad got married, my mum changed my name to my step dads name through a deed poll at the solicitor (no copy was ever kept, just the one that my mum was given was the only one). I didn’t find out my stepdad wasn’t my biological father till I was 15.

The surname given to me was the only name I had ever known.

Myself and my then partner had 2 children 18/16 years ago. On the birth certificate for mother’s name my name is recorded as the name on the deed poll (my stepdads name), as arguably it is my maiden name as I had not been married and I had had that name since I was 3.

My birth surname is not on their birth certificates at all, I just didn’t think when I registered them and I was young at the time. The issue is, I have lost the deed poll, and there is no other copy anywhere.

So My birth certificate and their birth certificates don’t match and there’s no deed poll to explain the name change. To complicate matters, I married a few years ago (not to their father, we were never married) so my name now is also different to what’s on my birth certificate and theirs.

I’m just worried in case they need to prove their British citizenship and won’t be able to due to my birth certificate name being different to the mothers details in their certificates.

I’ve looked at putting an amendment on their entries to say my birth name is different but I’m not sure the GRO will accept it as I don’t have this deed poll.

I’m suffering from anxiety as it is and I keep fretting about it.

Does anyone have any words of advice?

Ps, the kids do have passports, I’m thinking more in the future if they have children and my details are needed for citizenship reasons.

OP posts:

JontyDoggle37 · 07/05/2020 20:30

www.nationalarchives.gov.uk/help-with-your-research/research-guides/changes-of-name/

Find the deed poll and download a copy

TheTrollFairy · 07/05/2020 20:31

Im sure there will have to be a record of name change keeps in a database

Homemadearmy · 07/05/2020 20:32

Wouldn't the passport office have the record as you would have needed both your birth certificate and deed poll to apply for pass ports.

Original poster

SillyMistake20 · 07/05/2020 20:45

My deed poll was never enrolled so it isn’t an archive somewhere. It was quite common back then not to enrol them (early 80s).

I had to get a new deed poll to apply for my passport as my original one was lost, but that deed poll is dated a few years after my kids were born, so doesn’t prove there was a legal name change before their birth registrations.

OP posts:

totallyyesno · 07/05/2020 20:49

Surely if they already have British passports their citizenship is not in question?

zscaler · 07/05/2020 20:49

Do you know who the solicitor was? They may have kept a copy.

Aquamarine1029 · 07/05/2020 20:51

Perhaps getting a solicitor to help you work through this mess would be a good idea. I'm sorry you're dealing with this! It sounds like quite the ordeal.

TopShelf · 07/05/2020 20:57

My birth surname has never been used with, op. I was always known by another surname - no deed poll as it isn't necessary.

When I got married or for any thing official I've just shown my birth certificate and carried. on with my none registered name.

There's never been a problem.

All of your previous names will be on your medical records.
It's not unusual to be known by another name so I wouldn't worry about it. The authorities are used to it.

Original poster

SillyMistake20 · 07/05/2020 20:57

The solicitor has long since gone. Yes they do have passports but I was thinking if they need my birth details to get their children’s passports (if they have them) my birth certificate proving my citizenship is in a name that isn’t linked to them.

Yes, probably going to a solicitor will be the best option. Or maybe sending the GRO my birth certificate and my mum and step dads marriage certificate, and a letter explaining that the original deed poll is lost, they may add the amendment, probably unlikely though due to the missing piece of crucial evidence!

OP posts:

Original poster

SillyMistake20 · 07/05/2020 21:00

My marriage certificate has both my names on, but I married years after the kids were born, and it wasn’t to their father. So on my marriage certificate, it says ‘Annie Tyler previously Richards’ (not my actual name).

OP posts:

Curiosity101 · 07/05/2020 21:02

Can you not apply for passports for them? They check citizenship as part of that procedure as far as I knew?

Talking to a solicitor would be a good idea though, especially if you talk to the one who dealt with your name change.

I'd never considered this myself but I'm British and changed my surname by deed poll when I was 12. So I have a similar situation to you. It doesn't worry me at all that someone might question if my baby was British though. Is there something specific about your situation that has made you worry?

CodenameVillanelle · 07/05/2020 21:04

You are WAY overthinking this
Deed poll is just a declaration that you intent to use a name and you've proved that by...using it
Chill out

Ffsseriously · 07/05/2020 21:04

I dont understand my chidrens name isnt linked to my birth name at all. And my birth name isnt the same as my name now, and its never been a problem.

Original poster

SillyMistake20 · 07/05/2020 21:11

I think my anxiety is skewing my view and not helping me to think as clearly as I normally would.

It’s not so much that their birth name is linked to my name, but that my name on my birth certificate is not the same as the name I am registered as their mother as on their birth certificates and the deed poll was the missing document in the chain to explain the name difference.

OP posts:

MintyMabel · 07/05/2020 21:16

Surely if they have a british birth certificate they have British citizenship?

Curiosity101 · 07/05/2020 21:18

Lots of people have children and then remarry and change their name. Their name is then different to the name on their children's birth certificate.

I'm really struggling to understand where the anxiety is coming from unless there is more to your situation than you're letting on?

I asked before - but incase you missed it - can't you just apply for passports for them? Then they'll have their British citizenship checked and verified so they'll have proof from then on.

ArnoldBee · 07/05/2020 21:22

I wouldn't worry about this as if you fancy about with deed poll now you would be changing your name again. I think you are worrying quite a bit about something that might happen and given they have a passport already I would take this as a good sign.

Thisismytimetoshine · 07/05/2020 21:23

Are you British, op? If you don't have a British passport yourself, how have you managed to travel with your children? Or do they have dual citizenship?

Subtledifference · 07/05/2020 21:25

Surely if your kids already have passports it's already accepted that they are British citizens so their children's citizenship will come from them?

Original poster

SillyMistake20 · 07/05/2020 21:26

They do have passports, I was just concerned that in the future if they have to prove their citizenship through their parents, they will need to show their birth certificate and probably mine, and as I was saying my birth certificate last name is different to my last name on their birth certificate so it may not be accepted due to not having the document of the deed poll to say my birth name had changed to my step dads name. My birth surname is not on their birth certificate, just my step dads last name, that I had.

That’s definitely everything though, I’m not missing out any info.
Could be my anxiety is making me think too much. This lockdown has been really tough on my mental health and I’m starting to feel it now.

Thank you everyone for your replies.

OP posts:

Original poster

SillyMistake20 · 07/05/2020 21:27

I am British yes.

OP posts:

Curiosity101 · 07/05/2020 21:30

if they need my birth details to get their children’s passports

Ahh, I completely misread this.

You don't have an issue to worry about. If your children have children it really doesn't matter about the grandparents.

I'm NC with my birth mother and honestly couldn't tell you who my birth father is. I don't remember exactly what was on the passport application but if it required parental details then I'll have only put my stepdad (not legally adopted) on my baby's passport application. It all went through fine.

Please stop worrying. Your children were born here and have British passports. There really is no issue.

Thisismytimetoshine · 07/05/2020 21:31

You're all British citizens. Relax.

Alicemovedtothecity · 07/05/2020 21:31

When I applied for my child’s passport I never put grandparents down and we still got a passport.

CodenameVillanelle · 07/05/2020 21:32

Why would they ever have to prove their citizenship?
What are you really worried about?

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