Social worker visit?

[rabbitheadlights]

Hi all,

I'm much more of a lurker than a poster so hopefully I won't say the wrong thing and get myself into trouble.

Our social worker arranged a visit for yesterday, when we discussed it on the phone she said it may be awkward for the kids as she'd be wearing PPE etc.. However she turned up at 9 am (feeding time at the zoo). My partner went to the door as I was busy in the kitchen and then in she strolled, not a scrap of ppe in sight, no gloves, no face mask!! Kids all saying hi etc . I was so worried I wanted to scream get out!! But she's in now so the damage is done. When she left I asked my DP what in earth he was thinking letting her in like that? He said " I know, I was worried too.but you can't refuse entry to these people because they will just make things difficult for us!!" For context he's a recovering alcoholic and is doing well, she wandered all round the house, went upstairs to chat with my daughter etc ... I just don't know what to do, we have literally been in the house since all this started except for me going to get groceries as my son is vulnerable and all for what? She could have brought anything in especially if she has been visiting other people the same way??

So my aibu is this aibu to think he shouldn't have let her in? Or is he right that with people like SW etc you have to just go with it and keep your mouth shut?

In hindsight yes your husband should have stopped her at the door and you should have spoken to her once in the house, but you both were intimidated at the authority figure. It’s all down to her, she should have behaved more professionally and she just blindsided both of you.

I could be wrong here, but this would have been a perfect situation to show your protective parenting skills in taking control of the situation to minimise the contact she has with the surfaces throughout the house after visiting God knows how many families

What PPE would you expect her to be wearing? None of the guidance suggests she should have been wearing a mask or gloves.

She should have sanitized her hands when she left her car, and made sure she didn't touch anything unnecessary in the house and sat 2 mtrs from you. I don't know if you offered but I would expect her to politely turn down a cup of tea and stay only until she was happy that everything was ok.

Of course the damage wasn’t already done. It’s been widely reported that there’s a much higher chance of it spreading if you’re in close contact for a prolonged amount of time. If you think your partner was unreasonable for letting her in, you were just as unreasonable for letting her stay

I think your final paragraph is unfortunately accurate. If anyone stands up to them they go into revenge mode

I agree she should probably have worn PPE @rabbitheadlights but I also understand the pressure of SW visits from when my twins came home from NICU.

If you have a generally pleasant relationship with her then I think raising this is a good idea, but I totally understand why your DH didn’t tell her she couldn’t come in. If he is a recovering alcoholic and this is partly why SW became involved, him turning her away, even justifiably as with this instance, can still be marked with a note of non-compliance to engage with the SW and depending on the type of person, this can be noted with reasons given (lack of PPE) or left as just the statement that there was non-compliance.

I would definitely raise it with her supervisor. Politely but firmly, that you were happy she wanted to visit and given current circumstances appreciate that home visits are difficult. But PPE should have been worn to prevent potential spread of the virus. Maybe include that whilst you and your family have no symptoms, there is a chance one or more of you could be asymptotic and passed it onto the SW - who in turn could spread it into other homes she visits.

That way you have logged your issue, given pertinent and acceptable reasons for this issue and it should then be investigated.

Asymptomatic*

Your DH should have insisted she wore PPE. But complain anyway.

He is right that refusing access would have caused her to be more concerned for the welfare of the children (and you).

It would have been better had he said, in a friendly polite way, “can you talk me through the risk assessment of you coming indoors and how we can maintain social distancing?”

But thoroughly understandable that he was caught in the hop. Speaking up is easy in hindsight.

Either or both of you should have said something - but I know how hard it is when confronted with someone who is "authority."

I would speak to her manager if it were me.

Well done to both of you that your OH is recovering from his alcoholism - it is a huge challenge.

There are other options that could have been taken if she didn’t have PPE or you didn’t feel comfortable. If you are not comfortable complaining, make a plan with your partner for next time. If she comes with no PPE, what are you comfortable with her doing?
Here visits happen in the garden or on the door step if families are isolating. The children are seen and social distancing is maintained.

Thankyou everyone, the question isn't an issue of contention between DP and I. This is very much an (in hindsight I wish I had ... Kind of situation). I've not stopped thinking about it since, I even dreamed about it. I have been anxious anyway as my DS1 is vulnerable (not so much that he's shielding). I really want to raise the issue but in a productive way so as not to cause the "revenge" response that @TheBouquets alludes to.

Thanks @NaviSprite that sounds reasonable

Thanks @Mischance one day at a time.

@rabbitheadlights
Maybe going forward, when she arrives, greet her and say, I'm sorry but I felt very uncomfortable in your last visit, I've thought about ways I think we could lessen the risk to us all for both this visit and future visits.
Would you mind if you washed your hands before doing anything else?
I've also considered the risk of carrying virus particles on your clothes, is it possible that if you want a walk around, that you do this and avoid touching as many surfaces as possible please,

Then maybe we can use the kitchen/livingroom as your base for visits. If you sit here that may be for the best. I can heed everyone put of the room if you need to speak with anyone privately, bit for now, I think that this is the best route of trying to keep the DCs healthy, which seems the most immediate concern right now.

Maybe helpful, maybe not. Sorry if it's not.

Ask MN to delete your other thread?

You're a high risk family during COVID, maybe the PPE she anticipated having wasn't available?

Perfectly fine to ask about that.

Given friends experience with social workers I would be calling and putting the complaint in writing to her manager at once explaining you felt under pressure letting her in and that she wasn’t wearing Ppe even though she had agreed to.
My friend had it turned on her that she didn’t care for the safety of her children because of something she felt forced into by a SW

If anything I think ppe or not she shouldn’t have been in your house.

2 chairs should have been set up 2 metres apart outside somewhere so she could talk to your children.

As I said on your other thread, social workers are last on the list for PPE because they aren’t offering personal care, they do however need to see the children on their caseload and home visits are part of that.

What PPE were you expecting her to wear, given there are issues around both masks and gloves if not used correctly. She phoned beforehand, if your son isn’t shielding there’s no reason for her not to come to your house. Presumably there are concerns about your children, given she needed to see them to the point of visiting.

You could mention it to her, but I imagine the visit would need to happen still.

@dialdownthedrama I wouldn't have a clue how but I suppose it doesn't matter, it's where we were, we are a million miles from that now

2 chairs should have been set up 2 metres apart outside somewhere so she could talk to your children.

I wouldn’t think a conversation with SW is something that could happen at distance in a public place without seriously compromising the families confidentiality.

my aibu isn't about that, it's about wether or not my DP should have let her in?

He panicked that’s understandable, you also had the option to ask her to leave but you didn’t. Finger pointing down help or change the situation.

@Jellycatspyjamas that's my point in the phonecall she said she would be wearing PPE ... Please don't be confused this is not about being negative about the SW it's just caused me some anxiety since the visit and I wanted some perspective

You had every right to refuse her entry given her lack of PPE and if you are living in fear of offending your social worker perhaps you have the wrong one; it is their job to support not intimidate, judge or generally throw their weight around. Why are you allowing her to wander around your home, she seems incredibly intrusive? She has put your family at risk and she had no right to do that, I would not be opening the door next time.

@rabbitheadlights How? Because you were on a CYPS caseload anyway which doesn't happen unless there are sufficient concerns. The fact there'd come out now during lockdown suggests concern.

Your DH is in recovery from alcoholism which seems to have been related to the concerns about your children?. AA meetings are all virtual now, MH services phone based so usual support mechanisms have fallen away.

Massive increase in alcohol use (and relapse for those in recovery) due to increased time available, stress of everyone in the house together plus perhaps worries about losing jobs, homes.

Children not in school so usual support for them or someone spotting something amiss taken away.

You said yourself your family hasn't gone anywhere for weeks so not been seen by any professionals for weeks unless in scheduled zoom meetings where your DC didn't engage much.

Which might be because zoom is awful and awkward and not a natural interaction (I hate it!) or might be for another reason.

I understand your family might be doing well but I can see why there would be concern and they'd want a home visit.

Raise concerns about lack of PPE for all means though.