Would you say this to a child or teenager?

[rainbowcat11]

"I love you but I don't like you"

My father said this to me so many times growing up. I was telling a friend about it and they thought it was a very damaging thing for a parent to say. He did make me feel like a very unlikable person no matter what I did and always believed and thought the worst in me. Or is this something lots of parents say?

agree that ‘I don’t like this behaviour’ is very different to ‘I don’t like you
Except they will only hear the "I dont like" part!.

My mum said it to me a lot as a teen. It worked, I understood that she very much loved me but I was being a nasty little so-and-so.

Well hell Bruffin better just sit back and take it then. I'm sure they'll be much nicer people for never hearing anything that makes them uncomfortable.

My mum said something similar (actually a bit harsher) to me once. It really shocked me (yes I was upset) but it made me think. Wont say it was all plain sailing afterwards (I was still a teen) but I definitely tried to treat her better after that.

Well hell Bruffin better just sit back and take it then. I'm sure they'll be much nicer people for never hearing anything that makes them uncomfortable. hmm
What on earth are you going on about, My issue is that saying I dont like your behaviour is exactly the same saying I dont like you and parents who think its different are deluding themselves because the child hears "I dont like" full stop. If you are going down the "i Dont like" route dont think you are being a superior parent for saying "I dont like that behaviour" rather than "I dont like you"
I said above and all children are different and what works with one wont necessarily work with their siblings.

Well hell Bruffin better just sit back and take it then. I'm sure they'll be much nicer people for never hearing anything that makes them uncomfortable.

It is completely possible to raise well behaved and respectful children without saying I love you but I don’t like your behaviour. Children should learn consequences for their actions and those consequences have nothing to do with whether their parent ‘likes’ their behaviour. If they throw things around, something is going to break. If they are rude to others, people won’t want to be their friend. You can explain that to them without ever bringing in your love for them. As a PP has said, our love for our children should be unconditional and linking it to their behaviour won’t help them.