Disagreement when to tell people...

[Popcat120]

Me and OH having a bit of an argument tonight about when to tell people I'm pregnant.
Im 5 weeks, (second baby) but want to tell my mum.
She works in health care and may have to start looking after covid positive patients in the next few days...
Which means I won't be able to see her for weeks.
Maybe a month or more, in which I'll be 9 weeks, and that feels too late to tell her.

Also if anything terrible 3ae to happen, id want my mum, so why just tell her bad news, why not celebrate the good news too?

OH wants to wait til I've at least had a scan at 8 weeks, that I can still tell her, just post a card through the door, and stand 10 foot away...
How impersonal!
Then I get, do what you want... Again how bad will that look if I turn up on my own to tell the news.
AIBU to be upset with him, whys it his choice when I tell my mum?
(I realise probably hormones playing a part too!)

I think both of you need to be willing to compromise. Throughout your child's life there will be decisions you disagree on and you're going to have to learn to give and take.

Why is 9 weeks too late to tell your Mum? If you need to tell her for health reasons now, work out with your DP how you can do it so you're both happy.

Telling your Mum is different to announcing it. With DD1, we told no one until 12 weeks... But we're living abroad then. Second time, we pretty much announced it at 10 weeks as DHs family were having a farewell party for him before he went to Afghanistan, so he wanted to celebrate with everyone (our parents knew before this). There was another baby, before DDs. I sort of wish more people did know (just my friends who were with me when I lost him knew, and DH).

It just feels too late.
I'm so close to my mum and its horrible having to lie on the phone and tell her I'm OK, when actually I feel like crap with nausea and tiredness!

With everything going on at the moment, some good news would be nice for everyone.

I might get flamed for this but I believe that in the end you decide about this.

You are pregnant, it's your body, you decide who you tell about it and when, just like you would of any other changes in your medical condition.

That's true, a few people at work know as I'm a nurse and have to avoid covid patients myself now.

Feels wrong work knowing and my mum not knowing.
I wouldn't want to tell everyone so soon, like my dad, or brother /nieces nephews etc.
Just my mum.

I've told my mum literally hours after both of my pregnancies and it'd feel weird not to.

I'd also find it weird if my partner told me when and when not to tell my mum my big life events.

When did you tell people last time?
You say you wont be able to see her if she starts working with covid patients... surely you shouldn't be seeing her anyway? Or have I misunderstood?

I didn't tell anyone until 12 weeks. But my family are very superstitious about this kind of thing.

I am 9 weeks pregnant currently. My mum and Dad, my brother, and my boss were all told the day after I got a positive pregnancy test at 4 weeks.

I would always have told my parents and brother that early anyway. We’re a close family and my DH supported me in telling them (we told them with DD at a similar time) as if anything did go wrong I would definitely need them for support.

My boss I told earlier than I would have due to the Covid situation - I am a key worker and my job involved visiting families in their own homes, occasionally transporting them in the car etc, and obviously I couldn’t do that anymore.

If you want to tell your Mum, that’s your choice. I went to my Mums and told her at the doorstep so at least we could do it face to face.

I think it’s a personal yet joint thing. It’s hard. Would you be happy for him to pick to tell someone? His seeing this as an intimate thing between the two of you and let’s face it that’s how babies are made, to share once you know things are ok.

Personally for me I waited for the 12week scan for all of mine.

Are you still seeing her now then? Because why will her change in work situation change your mind?

There's a huge difference between telling 'people' and telling your mum (assuming she can keep it to herself).

We told parents at 8/9 weeks, because he wanted to do that!

I don't want to wait this time, it's number 2 and I feel a bit more relaxed this time round.

And yes I've been seeing my mum maybe once a week socially distanced for a chat,hows that any different to me seeing people at work everyday, or going to the rammed supermarket and standing next to people in the huge queue for 20 mins... None.

Tell your mum! I told my Mum before first scan as, like you, we thought that even if things were to go wrong I’d still want her to know. In fact we even told a couple of best friends (who would have guessed anyway) as again didn’t mind them knowing as I would want to confide in them if things didn’t work out.

@georgiethegorgeousgoat pregancy makes you vulnerable.
I'm vulnerable at work as it is, don't need to be double vulnerable for her dealing with covid positive patients.

But how close do you need to be to your mum to tell her? If you’re seeing her socially distanced now and that’s perfectly safe, you can see her socially distanced any time, and it’ll still be perfectly safe surely?

Ok so then what’s the difference if you see her for a ‘socially distanced chat’ (which is bollocks btw, you’re clearly still seeing her properly!) after she begins working? If you’re far enough away not to catch it now then you’ll be far enough not to catch it then.

I told my mom when I found out I was pregnant, didn't even cross my mind to see if it was okay with my partner (he was fine about it) it's completely up to you to tell your own mother if you trust her! If he doesn't want to tell his family then fair enough but can't see why he'd stop you telling your mom

I always tell my mum. You need the support. Wouldn't tell anyone else though

I’d tell her. My Oh has no say in when I told people. It’s my body and I wasn’t prepared to lie to my family.

It's hard. Fortunately my partner completely understood telling a few people as I've had two miscarriages. The people I told would be the ones to support us if it goes wrong, so it seemed right they should share in good news. We will share further once I've had my 12 week scan, as that's when it went wrong last time.

Maybe I'm being old fashioned but I think he should be there to tell like the first baby, as I would be there when he tells his parents...

I think you should look at it as, who would you want support from if something goes wrong?

But why are you seeing her now? are you not on lockdown? are you in the UK?

You're pregnant. He isn't. You decide

I think it's up to both of you individually. If you want to tell your mum or his parents or friend or anyone it's up to you. But the same goes for him and if he does or doesn't want to tell anyone on his side he can.

I just told people whenever it came up in conversation and we both told both sets of parents within a few days of knowing

I think it's something you should both compromise on really.

But your mums work should have no bearing anyway if you're socially distancing.