How to broach friends with benefits conversation

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I am chatting on line to a man from r the last three weeks. We call and video call nightly for a few hours. We get on great and have clicked.
We live 5 hours by car, apart and we both have kids.
When lockdown is over, we have plans to meet and hopefully the virtual
Chemistry will translate to real life chemistry.
We spoke last night about what we both want and it is similar.
We both want to see each other outside of our family lives and keep whatever we may have separate to our kids and lives. We like the idea of being one another's plus one.
But there is something niggling at me. I wonder if a fwb situation is exclusive in that we will only be meeting each other ?
Any advice welcomed on how to broach this thank you.

I don't want to appear needy but if is going to happen it needd be exclusive, for me . I am
Wondering how to approach it and what to say.. any ideas please? I'm out of the scene since 2000!

Anyone...please?

I don't want to appear needy

7 minutes later

Anyone...please?

You might want to work on that!

If you want it to be exclusive you just say so and if he doesn’t agree then you call it a day. You’re an adult. This is an adult conversation.

Well no, if you've said you both just want to be friends with benefits - that's not an exclusive situation. I don't understand how you can be each other's plus ones but also keep completely separate from each other's lives?

We are both single
Parents. He has sole custody of his child but the child does see his mum irregularly. This means that he has very little free time to do anything outside of work and his son. My ex only sees kids eow by his choice .
Both of us do not want to get into a relationship where children are involved or
Blending family's etc and we
Live hundreds of miles apart. I like the idea of being each other's plus one and meeting a few times per month when it suits but not if he is seeing /sleeping with others too.

When you're both into each other, it's completely understandable why you feel attached!
Is there any reason why you both feel like you can only have a fwb relationship instead of a slow paced one if you've both clicked?

@malloryy we have both been terribly hurt and have had quite traumatic experiences over the last few years. We both feel that we don't want a relationship, probably because of being scared of being destroyed again.our children are also badly affected by our experiences so there is no way that any compromises will be made that doesn't favour them.

Live hundreds of miles apart. I like the idea of being each other's plus one and meeting a few times per month

Never gonna happen. Maybe twice at most.

@ChandlerIsTheBestFriend .He works near to my area a few times per month and stays overnight.

I’m not sure why you would pick someone for a fwb when they live hundreds of miles away and you’ve never even met so don’t even know if you are attracted to them.

With your commitments, why don’t you look for someone local?

I don't think it's realistic to be someone's plus one when they are 5 hours away and only see you as a casual partner for occasional sex.
Have you had video calls with him or is this all text? Why not wait until you meet before deciding anything?

This relationship will never give you what you want. I’m not sure why you would settle for so little. Honestly, you will very quickly get tired of being picked up for sex when he’s in your area. You want a relationship, that’s clear by you wanting him to be exclusive to you. He’s setting up a girl in this port. And guarantee you won’t be the only one.

This doesn't make sense! How on earth could you be his plus one if you live hundreds of miles away? How could he be yours? I know he stays near you occasionally but is that likely to tie in with events where you really want him there?

I think you should look a lot closer to home. A FWB situation doesn't imply exclusivity. That's the point of it, that you're free to do what you want.

You seem to be wanting to chat a lot to him, be partners if you need one, have sex with him, but nothing more. How's that going to work?

Thanks. I suppose we just clicked and I had no intention of meeting anybody at all.
I like him and that type of set up suits me as long as it's exclusive.
It seems a little ridiculous even talking about this considering we have not met , but it's on my Mind and I don't want to get too attached if he wants freedom to sleep with and see others.

I think you are way ahead of yourself here. Wait until you have met up with this man a few times - he may turn out to be an arsehole you want nothing more to do with. I don't think you can demand exclusivity in a relationship with someone you've never met.

Fwb isn't an exclusive set up. It allows you to see other people. If that's what you want you may as well call it boyfriend/girlfriend.

Even if you had an arrangement, you wouldn’t know if he was seeing others anyway. There would have to be a lot of trust involved and you don’t even know him.

I think wanting a FWB and wanting it exclusive is wanting it both ways tbh.

Thanks. Yes probably way ahead of
Myself but I'm afraid of getting attached and hurt again if it's not exclusive. But we do seem to like each other a lot. He is very keen and initiated the Majority of contact.

Plus one? What does that mean? I know what FWB means, but Plus One? I thought that was something written on wedding/party invitations.....

And I thought FWB wasnt exclusive. I'm confused.

Plus one .. meaning we would go to each other's events together eg work events/ weddings / parties etc

It's not FWB if it's exclusive. You can have a relationship long distance if that works for you both but don't talk about FWB if what you actually want is a relationship.

@ChandlerIsTheBestFriend

Sorry I do not think it will work - or last long if anything happens - but good luck anyway.