How to broach friends with benefits conversation

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I am chatting on line to a man from r the last three weeks. We call and video call nightly for a few hours. We get on great and have clicked.
We live 5 hours by car, apart and we both have kids.
When lockdown is over, we have plans to meet and hopefully the virtual
Chemistry will translate to real life chemistry.
We spoke last night about what we both want and it is similar.
We both want to see each other outside of our family lives and keep whatever we may have separate to our kids and lives. We like the idea of being one another's plus one.
But there is something niggling at me. I wonder if a fwb situation is exclusive in that we will only be meeting each other ?
Any advice welcomed on how to broach this thank you.

You're video calling every night for a few hours? That's pretty intense. It sounds like you want an exclusive relationship with him, but only want to see each other a 'few' times a month. Both for sex and social stuff. This sounds like normal dating to me. Why are you calling it 'fwb' when it sounds like anything but? I'm confused.

I guess it feels like that when we would only see each other so seldom. Maybe it's the wrong use. What should I say to him?

I am new to all of this terminology and indeed the whole scene. I'm trying to figure out how to express what I want in a kind way

You shouldn't say anything to him. Just see how it goes when you meet

You can have whatever kind of relationship you want and choose whatever term for it as long as you both agree. As in 'how to ask for it' sorry if this sounds blunt but just use your words. If you're close enough to talk about sex you're close enough to ask if he's fucking anyone else.

@Burpalot I think you're right. Play it out and see. Thanks

Thanks @Jennifer2r

Er...it sounds like you are attached, so that ship has sailed.

And of course he'd say he wants the same thing, he knows you're basically offering sex on a plate and he doesn't even have to do anything to get it, not even take you on a proper date! Woop woop, what's not to like?

Look, you can do what you want and there's no shame in it but it doesn't sound like you're in the right emotional place for it. He thinks he's been given the green light to shag and go and even better you've agreed that he doesn't even have to pretend to care afterwards.

Be honest about you're feeling and see if you can find a solution together. No point in calling it fwb if that's not what it is. You'll inevitably get hurt.

You need to tell him that is what you want. Someone once asked me for that. It's early days, just be up front about the terms of the deal you want to make.

Just ask the question ‘would you want us to be exclusive?’. Don’t jump in with what you want first, let him speak. If he says no or fudges it in anyway, just say that won’t work for you, nice chatting, see ya! It’s not needy, it’s you having boundaries about what you will or won’t accept in a relationship.

Alarm bells are ringing here.

Firstly, you are already talking about feeling attached to this man, having feelings and wanting to be exclusive.
There is nothing wrong with feeling like this but step back. You don't know this man and haven't met yet. Don't fall in love with the idea of him.

At risk of sounding cynical, lots of men online will tell you what you want to hear. Reserve judgement at least until you met.

Having said all that, you don't have to be all cool and modern. If you want to slowly get to know each other and aim to form a meaningful relationship with someone then tell him.

Nothing in what you post suggests you just want sex. That is what a FWB set up is. Call me old fashioned but I hate the whole idea of FWB. One of you invariably starts to have feelings and ends up hurt and used.

It's difficult to develop a relationship long distance, but not impossible. Just be honest with him but save that conversation for when you meet up.
Think carefully about what you want and tell him. And find out what he wants. Don't go along with anything that makes you uncomfortable.

If it's the blended family/meeting kids thing that's holding you back, then just take it very slowly and see what happens.
Don't try having a 'friends with benefits' chat unless you mean it. I don't think you do.
Don't have an 'exclusive' chat. It's too early, you've never met.

Call me old fashioned but I hate the whole idea of FWB. One of you invariably starts to have feelings and ends up hurt and used.

You can hate the idea of it for yourself but many of us have or have had lovely situations like that. There are many ways to have a relationship with someone.

Fair enough Jennifer. I suppose FWB can work for some people, especially of there are clear (zero?) expectations of each other.

It seems pretty clear this is what OP's online man wants. He's said he visits Op's area a few times a year for overnight work visits so he wants to meet up for no strings sex.
I don't think that's what op is looking for. I don't see how that could work if feelings develop and op wants an exclusive relationship.

No strings sex or fwb means no strings; no attachment, commitment, no demands, ongoing but not exclusive.

Oh dear.... there may be trouble ahead....

Hundreds of miles. Want to be exclusive FWB's

Sound a bit needy IMP - I could be wrong. Jealousy may follow.

I wouldn't go there with a barge pool but your life do what you want.

Good luck - I ended up marrying my FWB

Friends with benefits is just no strings sex with the same person.

Sex and friendship is a relationship

FWB rarely involves actual friendship ime.

It's OK to say you want exclusivity before you get too attached.

We both want the same thing as far as sex and friendship is concerned.
What I don't know is if that's exclusive. I want exclusive but I feel it's too early in view of not having met to ask for that. We video call.. there is chemistry there but it may not translate to real life situation so I don't want to jump in, yet I feel we are getting attached .
Thanks

Agree with PP.
Sounds like you want to be a long-distance girlfriend. Might work in short term but likely not longterm.
Personally, I'd meet up with him when he is in your area but still leave myself open to meeting other men.

Ok thanks.